The Secrets of Agata

Chapter 4

Here we go again, I think as I blink my eyes open. The sun is shining, it has to be at least noon by now, that awful heavy feeling hits as I am fully awake. The memories hit and now I have even more questions. What was father talking about, what was Azela meaning when she said my new life and the things I do not know yet. I just want to take a hot shower and be left alone in my thoughts. I need my journal, but it is still at the house. I wonder when we can go back there, not that I'm in a huge hurry but I do want to get my things. I leave the bedroom to the hall, I'm not in Sam's house anymore but the main neighborhood house where a few others live. I sneak to the bathroom to grab the shower before anyone notices me, as I turn the water on, letting it get nice and hot, I start to undress and comb my hair out with a brush I found in the drawer. I step in to the steamy hot water and immediately feel my body relax, this is definitely what I needed. Just standing in the hot water, face up in the stream, I let the water take hold of me and begin to wash my hair. I shampoo my hair, rinse, then condition, I like leaving the conditioner sitting while I wash my body. Thankfully there were so wash cloths and nice smelling body wash to use, I need to remember to thank whomever is keeping this place stocked. Once my body is clean, I rinse my hair and decide the pruning of my skin means it is time to get out. I wrap one towel around my hair and the other around my body. Rummaging through the bathroom drawers, I find a new tooth brush, tooth paste, and some face cream. I brush my teeth and moisturize my face, my face was almost chapped from the tears of yesterday. I really need to find some clothes. "s**t, I forgot I didn't bring any clothes with me," sighing out loud, I peak out the door to see if anyone is around, practically running back to the room I was in.

Thankfully no one sees me as I enter the room and head directly to the dresser hoping and praying someone stocked the dresser too, if not this could be a nightmare all over again. Much to my surprise someone had stocked it, but it was with my clothes. "Huh, I guess father brought these here when he brought me too." I thought. Belly growling in hunger, I need to head to the kitchen, if I can find it. I've only been here twice before, I really need to start visiting or paying attention to details more. The minute I'm dressed I head back out to the hallway and try to find my way to the kitchen, the smell of bacon hits my nose and my mouth is immediately watering. Thinking to myself, well that was easy.

About to walk in the kitchen I hear two people talking, it stops me from entering, "I don't have a clue on how she will react when we tell her" The first man said, "She will have no choice either way, reaction or not," said the second voice, which I recognize as my father. Father continues, My wife will not have died in vain after every we and Tora have been through. I know her, she will act with vengeance and take the rightful path of victory!" confusion struck me again, I still have the slightest clue what he is going on about. "If she's anything like her mother and father it wont take her long to fall into place, it didn't take them long to figure out their way." I gasped when I realized he wasn't speaking about himself giving my position away. "Tora, I know you are sitting there, please come in." father said please, but it was more of a demand really. "Father, I need answers, I have been going over and over in my head about things that have been said, just now you weren't talking about you and mother, were you?" Almost in tears again a plead with him for the truth, "Please, please, just tell me the truth, what is going on? What has happened. Who killed mother?" Both men stopped, looked at each other, then back to me. The first man nodded to father then left the room. Yes! Finally, he's going to give in. Basically sitting on the edge of my seat, father turns around to look me in the eyes. I search his face for clues but I can tell nothing from the stone set feature he has no plans to talk yet. "Tora, I still need time, we still have a few weeks before you turn eighteen, so please, just give me some more time. Maybe you should talk to Azela, I know she will help you. It's almost time, but until then I need you to be patient, there are some things we need to wait on, for your safety and mine." "Ughh, are you kidding me! Really, after begging you to tell me, you refuse and suggest I talk to the voice in my head? How did you even know she was there, huh? Mother said never to speak of it, which I haven't. Did she tell you about her? How do you know I even still talk to her?" "Yes, mother told me, however, there is more to it than just the secret. Azela is, well, call her your guide, but I knew the minute your mother told me she was there, no way would you stop talking to her. I promise open your mind and Azela will help you. Until then please, just let it be for now. We are still trying to figure out all the details."

Father got up, kissed my forehead and walked away. Once again, leaving me with more questions than answers. I will eventually have to answer Azela, but for now I am still ignoring her. I have no idea how she turned into a wolf or if she is even real, but for now, I don't care to know. The only thing I can think about is food, someone cooked bacon, looks like they were going to be making sandwiches, "jackpot!" Time to feed the monster that lives deep within. I finished two in record timing and now I need to go for a walk. I'm hoping Sam or Ivy can come with me. I reached the front porch to Ivy's house first, turns out murder doesn't count as an excuse to stay home from school, they still have a few months left at this point, back to my boring day without my friends. I'm going to continue my walk alone I guess, maybe someone will see me and accidently let something slip or maybe someone will kidnap me and take me away from the confusion, ha, wishful thinking I guess.

I continue my walk through the neighborhood not really focusing on anything just not focusing on the annoying voice inside my head. How much I could bet that I would end up here, in front of my house about to cross the yellow tape. This has always been my home, its where I came everyday after all the bad times and the good, its where my mother taught me how to walk and father taught me how to skin a deer. The tape says no crossing, but I'm willing to do so to retrieve my journal. I need it to keep my heavy heart busy. I need it to release the tension. I just really need that journal, so I'm gonna do it. I reached for the door knob at the same time a hand grabbed my shoulder. I looked up to see Tom, the neighbor that helped yesterday, he just shook his head no, and stared right into my eyes. "But I need my journal." I said to him. He just nodded and continued into the house alone, I wanted to come with him but her turned to look at me with a deep mournful frown. I just nodded and turned away, Tom shut the door behind me, traveled through the house and came out with not only my journal but a box too, "This had your name on it, I assume your mom left it on the counter for you. It has a note with her handwriting." Before I could open it, Tom placed a hand on the lid, "I would wait until you are back at the pack house sweetie, you never know what you will find. I can safely say you probably want to be alone." I nodded in agreement with him as he walked back over to his house. I watched him until he went back inside, regretting letting him go back in my house after the incident yesterday, I know it was hard on him seeing whatever it was that he saw. I probably wont ever know or understand and I really don't want to either.

Now that I have this mysterious box and my journal I guess going back to the, what did Tom call it, the pack house? I have never heard it called that, I have always heard it called the neighborhood house, where we go when ever we all want to get together or someone needs somewhere to stay. We never had to stay there until now, and I am so thankful it is there, I don't know where we would go without it. I find my way back to my room, Azela has been trying to talk to me since my eyes opened this morning and I keep pushing her out, "I need more time Azela! Please, let me be, just let me write in my journal, give me some space. I promise we can talk later" I think she got the hint because I haven't heard a peep since. Maybe now I can get my head right, sitting down at the desk in my room, I open my journal and start my newest entry;

        Ok journal, I need you to listen today, I know you do everyday but today is different. MOTHER IS DEAD.  I don't know how to recover from this. I don't know if I ever will.  How can she be here one minute and not the next. OH! and is she really my mother? I mean I have this box and I'm hoping maybe I can get some answers from her because no one else seems to want to tell me anything! I'm not a child anymore and I've just lost mother. Why is no one giving me answers! 

Tears begin rushing down my face as I continue on.

    Azela turned into a wolf, mother was murdered, and father says he needs time. He wont even tell me what happened to her! But he definitely doesn't mind talking to other people about me. About me as if I wasn't even his daughter! Hell, maybe I'm not, that would explain why we look nothing alike.  That's very unlikely though. All I ever heard when I was younger was how much I favored the both of them in attitudes and characteristics. They would have told me before now if that was the case. They never kept secrets from me, but on the other hand neither did Azela. So, why is she just now showing me she is a wolf!? No of this makes any sense. Like my purpose, who in the hell gave me a f*****g purpose. It's not like I'm a royal or anything. I'm just so lost, and numb, and I feel absolutely everything all at once. I just want to understand, I want it all to make sense, but no one is saying anything. I don't want time, I want answers. 

I just do not have any more energy to continue tonight, My body is heavy, my brain is full, my tears wont stop. We still have arrangements to plan and I'm not sure if I'm ready to fully say goodbye yet. I lay in the bed pulling the covers over my head, waiting for the tears to stop and my dreams to take over again. "Ok Azela, let's talk" I say as I fall asleep quickly in the warmth of this unfamiliar room.