The Secrets of Agata

chapter 7

My eyelids feel so heavy as the sun starts to make its way into my window. I’m not ready to get up, I feel so exhausted. My spirit is broken, my heart aches, my mind doesn’t seem to be functioning, and I’m burning up. Wait, I really am burning up, I think I saw a thermometer in the bathroom. As I’m taking my temperature I realise I slept in my dress, I pull it over my head and throw on a huge shirt with some black leggings. I dig through my drawers trying to find some comfy socks, I think I may just stay in bed today. The little beeps let me know I have a fever, and not just any fever, a high fever, it's one hundred and four degrees fahrenheit. How does this even happen in the middle of August, I must really be losing it to the point even my body doesn't want to work. I lay back down in the bed, hardly noticing the water beside the bed, some has been in here. I groan as l look up from the bed towards the door. I don't know if anyone will check on me up here, but I surely hope not.

I lie back in the bed finally getting under the covers in my comfy clothes. I'm hoping if I get deep enough under here, I can sweat it out. I curl up on my side, adjust the pillow just right under my head, enough that if I decide to read some pages in my book later this will be comfortable. I close my eyes and just relax my mind, not thinking of a whole lot. Mainly just not thinking, I am however, picturing a field in the middle of nowhere calling my name. Maybe if I can get back to sleep I can get to my field, watch the clouds. I’m really not in the mood to deal with Azalea and her hidden knowledge right now though. I could use a useless day not doing anything but imaging the life I was dreaming of a couple of weeks ago. Drifting into a peaceful sleep again, my heart flutters and my body starts getting a warm feeling. I know this feeling, it's how I felt last night after the knock. It’s just what I need though, to push me over the edge of blissful serenity.

“Yes!” I exclaim out loud. I woke in my field, in my dream land. It’s a pretty blue sky day and the grass is soft enough to rest my aching body on. I don’t plan on moving a muscle all day, I close my eyes and let my body soak up the warm sun as the birds begin to sing. I have always loved this place, even after everything lately. It helps calm me and bring me back up after being down for so long. I know this feeling will be here for a while, but I live for times like this to just feel okay. Speaking of feeling, I can already feel Azalea, she knows I’m here. I can feel her wanting to keep her distance but I know she will be here shortly. Any time I come, she won’t be long. I know now it's the bond we share, even though I’m still not exactly sure what that means. It truly makes sense though, why I can talk to her without being in my dreams, why I can feel what she is feeling. I can’t say I’m surprised because even being left in the dark for the past seventeen years, deep down I knew there had to be something keeping us together.

There she is, I don’t see her yet, but I know she is at the edge of the forest, battling within herself whether to come to me or not. I can feel she wants to tell me everything, but she can’t yet. I’m ok with that for today, I just can not take anything else life altering this week. It’s only been a few days since everything happened and I am just not ready for anything new. “Azalea, you can come out here with me if you want to.” I say to her, hoping she decides to take up my offer. I could use the company, we haven’t had a chance to just talk in a few days without something else being the topic. I could really use her friendship right now, even if I thought being alone would help me.

“Tora, I’m so glad to see you. I want to talk to you about what you felt last night.” Turning my head to look at her in surprise, I never expected to hear that today.

“Really? You’ll tell me?” “Yes, there are things that are happening out of my control, I never expected it to happen this soon, I thought we had more time, but with your eighteenth birthday coming up in a few weeks, I really should have done this sooner. After last night, I realised you are completely clueless to what is happening around you. While I can not tell you the whole truth, I can tell you certain things and hope you fill in the rest, if you can not, I truly hope the man that raised you has his own will.”

I could feel my eyes almost bulging out of my skull as she continued but that last sentence struck my soul. “He’s not my real father, is he?” I ask as I'm bowing my head, awaiting the answer I believe to already know deep down. “No Tora, he is not, and Cecilia was not your mother, they were simply your guardians meant to protect you until you turned eighteen. You see, I’ve been with you since birth for a reason I can not name right now, but within the upcoming weeks you will soon know the truth to everything. I will tell you, the fever you are experiencing is normal, but you must rest.” My body is shaking, trembling really, tears are streaming from my face. I knew they weren’t my real parents, both of them have blue eyes, there is no way they could have reproduced my eye color, biology doesn’t work that way. “You see, your birth parents wanted you to always be protected in the event something happened to them. They trusted Emanuel and Cecilia with their whole world, and that is you. I am sorry to say they are no longer with us on earth but they are watching you every day and would be proud to have you as their daughter. You see, the things that you are not ready to learn, they knew, the minute you were born they knew you would be an amazing, brilliant, young woman. I see what they saw for your future, I promise you will do amazing things and I will always be by your side no matter the cost.”

“How do I face him now, father that is. How do I tell him I know he is not my real father and that she was not my real mother?” I cry silently, wiping my nose with my shirt. “You tell him the truth, you tell him I told you. He knows what and who I am and will understand my reasoning. The thing I really needed to talk to you about though was the feeling, Tora, that wasn’t just your mind playing tricks with you. Your mind is perfectly fine, so please, stop thinking you are crazy, if you are then that means so am I.” I am finally able to stop crying, making sure to take in everything she is telling me right now. I am afraid if I don't give her my full attention, I may miss something and this is the first time I am getting the answers I need, no matter how painful. “Tora, you meant your life partner or what some would call a mate. Most of your community has a mate now or will eventually find theirs. This is the person you are destined to be with. Once you two are in a better position to meet I will allow you to, but right now, you need to keep your distance as you are not yet ready. Things will be changing for you but that is one thing that can wait a little while longer. I know his face but I do not know who he is. I have only seen what you have so far, we will meet him again. When that time comes you will be better prepared and know everything.” “What the hell are you talking about? A life partner, do you mean he is my soul mate or some made up crap?” The crying stopped, but the laughter begins.

“Azalea, this is real life not a book, there is no such thing as soul mate, life partners, or what was it called, oh, yeah, a mate.” Laughing hysterically because this is the biggest crock of lies I have ever heard. “STOP! “ She yelled. I look at her to see she means this. Maybe this isn’t a lie, “If what you are saying is true, Azalea, then that means I basically met my future husband?” trying not to let my smile break through because she really can not be serious, right?

“Listen, everything I have ever told you is the truth. I have never lied to you or strayed you down the wrong path, have I?”

“No, I guess not. But if you are telling the truth, is this what Sam and Ivy were trying to tell me last night? Why did father stop them? Why doesn’t he want me to know?”

“Everything I have told you, he isn’t ready for you to know, because even though you are not his biologically, you are still the little girl he has raised since you were two. I would know because like I said, I’ve been here since the beginning.”

I begin to piece all of my puzzle pieces together as I slowly lay back down on the grass. “I look just like my mom don’t I?” I asked, “Yes Tora, you are identical. Why do you ask this though?”

“Because, I think I have seen her before, in a dream. I thought I was dreaming of myself getting older, but now, I think it was her coming to me.” I look over and see Azalea looking down at the ground with a smile on her face. “Yes, that was her, I am sure of it. You really are identical to her, especially at your age now.” I smile. I had the strong feeling she wasn’t me but a part of me, but I didn’t know any of this yet. “Azalea, I don’t feel so goo-”

With that final sentence, my eyes burst open along with the strongest pain in my stomach I have ever felt. I can’t hold it in, the screams begin to fall out of my mouth uncontrollably. I can barely make out the footsteps running towards my room through my screams and the tensing of my stomach. Father rushes in first, followed by Sam, Ivy and Tom, they all look at me with concerned looks.

“She is burning up!” Tom stated, “How long has she been like this? She still has three weeks before she is to turn.” “I don’t know, she seemed fine last night!” Sam yelled over my screams. “IVY! Go get some ice now! We have to lower her temperature immediately or I’m afraid she won’t make it to her birthday.” Tom was basically yelling over my pain at this point. “What are you talking about?” Azalea said the fever was normal, she said it means it's almost time!” I try to state in between pulses of my stomach muscles twisting and turning.

Father looks at me, tears streaming down his face, “Tora, baby, listen you need to stay calm, I know it hurts but we have to lower your fever before we do anything else. That means, we will be putting you in an ice bath. It will make everything worse, the pain, the cramps, and you will shiver. We are going to shock your body, but until the fever is down we can not give you anything for the pain.” I locked eyes with him, for the first time seeing him as the man he truly is, not my father, but at the same time, he is. I nod my head because the pain is too bad for me to even talk anymore. I can only scream in agony. “Here! We got the ice!” Ivy yelled as she stormed through the room.

“Quickly now, put it in the tub, get the cold water going.” Tom said, picking me up out of the bed as my father held my hand. “Tora, you may pass out and that’s ok, but I want you to know we have you. You are going to be ok and when we are on the other side of this, Emanuel will tell you everything. I promise, because if he does not, I will.” He was trying his best to make everything okay. I was doing my best not to scream, as others had made their way to my door. They are trying to figure out who is dying I guess. Tom set me in the ice water and immediately the pain got worse just as said it would. Father is still holding my hand the entire time, Sam and Ivy are sitting in the corner of the bathroom, watching me intently. I can sense everyone's emotions right now, they are scared. Why can I feel them all of a sudden, all of these changes are really starting to wear on me. I can barely hold my eyes open, the pain is getting worse, my tears still wont stop, but my eyes are closed. Something isn’t right, I think I’m dying. “Azalea, am I dying?” I say in my head, but I receive nothing in return.

I feel the rush of warmth in my arm, morphine, I can feel it make its way throughout my body. “Tora, we are giving you morphine for the pain, along with a slight sedative to keep you calm. I am so sorry this is happening to you, but you must remain calm. While you are under the morphine and sedative, you will not be able to access Azalea, so please, do not use the only strength you have to try.” I do my best to look Tom in the eyes as he speaks. How does he know about Azalea, and why won't I be able to reach her?

“Tom! Her Pulse! We’re going to lose her to do something!” Father spoke with fear in his voice. I feel the next needle stick in my arm, “beginning fluids now,” I didn’t recognize who it was but I could hear the panic in her voice. I can feel my body giving into the drugs, I am trying my best to stay lucid but I know I will fail soon. The smell of pine reaches my nose, the warmth in my body returns, he’s here! I know it’s him. I know this is what he smells like, does he know he’s my mate? Is that why he is here? I can’t open my eyes, but I can feel him in the hall outside my hospital room, but why is he leaving now, and with that the machines whistle and the darkness takes over.

“Tom, she’s flat lining! Get in here now, we have to do everything we can to save her!” Janice, the nurse on call demands. “I’m here, okay, push more morphine, her body is fighting it.” Tom calmly says. “Emanuel, I am sorry but you need to leave, take Sam and Ivy and get out, now! I can’t have you in here breathing down my neck while I am trying to save our future! It’s going to be a long night, so please try to get some rest.”

“She’s more than just our future and you know that!” Emanuel demanded. “I raised her! She is every bit my daughter as she was theirs and you know it! I just lost my mate, I can't lose her too! She shouldn’t be turning yet, it's too early. She’s not ready yet, she doesn’t even know who she is, much less what she is.” “I know, but we are going to do everything we can, but for now, you have to go. We need the space. I will update you as quickly as I can. So, GO! Get out of here!” Tom yells, as Sam and Ivy are practically dragging him out of the room.

There is only darkness, no sound, no light, total darkness. It’s been said, until you have faced the darkness alone, your light will never shine as bright as it is meant to be.

It’s been fifteen long hours of the doctors working and exhausting all options. They were able to get her body under control, the pains should have stopped by now and the fever is gone completely. “How long until she wakes” Emanuel asks, rubbing his palms into his eyes. “I am not entirely sure, it’s in her hands now. We can only pray she finds her way back, but I have faith, she’s our future.” Tom says as he places a reassuring hand on Emanuel’s shoulder, “Get some rest, you are going to need it when she decides it’s time to wake up. I promised her the truth one way or the other.” He says with a smile. “What if she doesn’t find her way back?” Ivy asks as she walks up with a coffee in hand. “Ivy, we can’t think like that, she will come back, we know her. She’s too stubborn to not wake up.” Sam says while taking the coffee. “Listen, she’s been through alot, so it won’t be tonight. I'm going to stay and monitor her, but you three need to go home and get some rest.” Tom demanded, “If not I will be working on one of you next. I’d hate to explain to her why none of you are here when she wakes up. Now, go, Doctor's orders.

“Tora, if you can hear me, please, don’t give up. We need you more than you can ever imagine right now, you are our future. I am telling you now, no matter what, you fight until you’re awake again.” Tom pleaded, as he turned out the final light of the night.