Broken

||Chapter Seven||

I woke up with a pounding in my head, a hangover the size of Mount Everest. f**k. What the hell happened last night?

That was when I turned on the bed and saw Destine completely naked on top of the covers. She's usually covered, for my sake of course. I felt my face become warm at her spreading out the way she was on the bed on her stomach, she was drooling. I found it cute.

We got wasted last night. I then decided to check under the sheet to see that I was also completely naked. "Holy s**t! Holy f*****g s**t!" I yelled. Something happened last night, something definitely happened last night.

I shook Destine panicky. "Destine!"

"Argg..." She groggily responded. "Too early... More sleep... Head hurts." She groaned.

I decided to get to the matter at hand. "Destine, I think we f****d last night," I stated blankly, I'm not even sure how to feel about this. I can't even remember it. I mean, this isn't just a stupid drunken one night stand. I actually find myself caring for this naive, adorkable, French beauty. I may not show it but she's been growing on me real fast and I actually find myself having feelings for her. Stronger than I've ever felt before, even though I know we really don't know much about each other.

I realized that Destine hasn't really answered me so I shake her. "Destine we had s*x last night! Wake up!"

"We did what?" She sat up rubbing her eyes. "And please stop yelling, my head is about to explode." My face heated up as she sat up revealing her full breasts... Covered in hickeys. She noticed my face and pulled up the sheet.

"We had sex... Hickeys." I said sitting up pulling up the sheet to cover my unclothed body, then pointed at her chest. She noticed this gesture and she blushed crimson.

"We..."

"Yup."

"Do you..."

"Remember anything? Nope."

"Oh shit." She groaned as she held her head, the migraine sinking in. I've been hungover so many times I guess you could say I'm used to this feeling.

Also, Destine just swore and it sounded so adorable.

I turned to the edge of the bed giving Destine my back. Using the sheet to shield my body I stood.

"Oh my god... Amelia." Destine gasped.

I turned my head to her confused. "What? What's wrong?"

"Your back... Claw marks..."

Claw marks?! Oh, come on! That's so incredibly hot! And I can't remember anything! This is so frustrating. Having a blank space where a memory would be. Usually, I wouldn't care but Christ, I wanted to remember.

I felt my back and felt several marks going in different directions. It slightly stung touching them but I'm OK. I'll wear these marks proudly for as long as they stay. I wonder if Destine will wear my marks proudly? I started noticing more and more hickeys around her neck and shoulders; even her arms.

Jesus. I really couldn't help myself last night. I wanted to taste all of her. "You clawed me, wow, someone had a good time," I said cockily, smirking.

"Amelia! This is serious! You have claw marks and I have hickeys everywhere!" She said finally getting up, naked I might add, running straight into the bathroom.

She was in there for maybe a minute and came out in a huge, baggy t-shirt. Paired with her sexy bed hair and that shirt, she looked so breathtaking in that moment and she didn't even know it.

"There are clothes everywhere." She said looking around the room, then followed the trail down the hall. "There's more out here too! Oh for f**k's sake--" then there was a thud.

She swore again.

Not caring if I was naked I rushed out of the room to see if Destine was OK. "Are you OK?" I saw her rubbing her butt standing up.

"Yeahhh, I just tripped on..." She held up a pair of panties. "Is this yours?" She smirked that stupid beautiful stupid breathtaking stupid smirk of hers.

I felt my cheeks heat up and snatched the blue fabric. "To think I was worried." I huffed and strutted back to the bedroom.

"Nice butt," Destine commented.

"Shut up and get in here," I ordered.

"I'm trying to get our clothes together... Ugh, my head is freaking killing me."

"Aren't we colorful this morning," I smirked even though she couldn't see it.

"What're you talking about???" She asked confusedly.

I chuckled, "You've been swearing like a sailor since you got up!" I started slipping on some clothes.

"Ugh, I need coffee." She muttered.

"Never hungover this bad before?" I said as she walked in, a smirk plastered on my face. My head still pounded but I ignored it.

"This badLY, and no, I haven't." She groaned as she sat on the bed.

Did she really just correct me?

"Don't correct my grammar Frenchie. I hate that." I stated annoyed. I hate when I'm corrected like that.

"Well, I hate people who forget the use of adverbs." She quipped.

"How is it that you can't detect sarcasm but you can point out that little tiny error?"

"I'm not sure, it's a habit I'm proud of." She smirked.

I didn't reply to her, already lost in my own head, I can't believe we had s*x last night and we're not talking about it right now, it's as if nothing happened. "Hey french toast, are we not gonna talk about this?" I gestured between both of us with my hand.

Destine's smirk went away and her face held a serious gaze. "What's there to talk about?"

I was taken aback by this. "Um, well, a lot has happened over the past few weeks and I just assumed--"

"Assumed what? What could you have possibly assumed."

I was going to say "maybe just maybe you had feelings for me and we could see where that goes." But now, her harsh tone... I had a feeling that that wasn't the case.

"Nothing, forget about it." She regretted this, who wouldn't anyway. I'm just a no good, good for nothing, wanderer, no future, no hopes or dreams, I've been let down my whole life anyways, everyone leaves sooner or later, why stick to someone? Why try to show you're worth it when they don't care in the end? I'll always be the broken girl, no one will be able to fix me, because I can't fix myself.

I got up and opted to the bathroom. "Amelia, wait. I didn't mean it like that." I never bothered to look behind me, I just went into the bathroom to take a shower. I should just go home.

I let the warm water wash over me as I begged it to wash away the feelings I felt. Why? Why did I have to have feelings for you after all that I've been through in my life? I thought as I just stood under the shower allowing the water to beat on my head. I'm so stupid. I self-berated.

I should just leave.

Why can't I?

I'm not sure.

You need to figure this out.

I'm sure I'm going crazy by now, I'm talking to myself.

"Amelia? Are you OK in there?" Destine knocked, snapping me out of my own head. "I never meant for what I said to... Be so harsh." She spoke again.

"I... I'm OK." I lied.

"Amelia you're lying."

"You can't tell me what's true and what's not!" I said louder than I expected. "I'm fine. Let's just pretend last night never happened, let's forget about it, hell, we don't even remember it anyway!" I laugh humorlessly.

"Is that what you want?"

"Sure! Why the hell not right? Just a drunken one night stand." If only that were true.

There was a long silence.

"If that's what you want... Then OK." She sounded disappointed, hurt.

Why?

I stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around me, my short hair wet and sticking to my forehead. My eyes burned, was I crying?

"Your turn," I spoke as I saw Destine laying on my side of the bed with her hands resting on her stomach, eyes closed.

"Destine," I called.

She smirked as she turned to me. "You've been calling me by my name."

"Well, that is your name isn't it?" I said mocking her tone.

"Let me give you some time to get some clothes on, I'll go take a shower." She scurried off to the bathroom.

What was that about?

I got dressed putting on a white t-shirt, folding up the sleeves and a simple pair of jeans and my only pair of scuffed up converse.

This is pointless, why stay? I'm at that point where telling Destine how I feel wouldn't change a damn thing. So why bother? I started battling with myself.

I'll leave tonight when she's asleep completely, I'll sneak out then. Because it's far too hard to be just friends with Destine, too many risks of temptation, I'd be torn between kissing her and pushing her away. And at this point, she wouldn't care if I did push her away. No one ever does. He didn't care, she didn't care, they didn't care.

***

After a whole day of awkward silences, forced conversations and laughs; we finally went to bed. Destine decided to keep on her underwear this time for some reason, I guess she was uncomfortable with me at this point. Me leaving is doing her a favor.

I laid down on my side facing away from her when she spoke. "Goodnight Amelia."

I merely shifted and nodded, and may have grumbled a "mhmm". Too caught up in my head to construct a coherent sentence. I would pack and go right back home, continue where I left off, maybe start... Hustling again, for some extra cash.

I shook my head, trying to calm my mind before I fell asleep.

I woke up maybe three or four hours later. This is it.

I tentatively got off the bed, making sure Destine was still asleep. Stooping, I reached under the bed for my duffle bag, it was practically empty, most of my clothes already worn, washed and folded in the night table. I reached into the night table and grabbed armfuls of clothes, stuffing them into my bag. After I was finished I put my only pair of shoes on and tiptoed out of the room, as I was going through the door I saw it fit to say something. "Goodbye Destine..." I said looking back, then finally closing the door.

After exiting the front door I released a deep breath. This was it. I'm on my own again.

As it should be.

The first place I saw fit in going was... Well, my dealer. I had to start selling again so I can make some money. I got into this business prematurely and of course, it ended badly... But he said once I got clean and stopped snuffing up all the merchandise I could come back.

I've been clean for nearly two years. This time I know not to f**k anything up like I usually do. I started the long walk there.

***

After maybe forty-five minutes of walking at one in the morning I approached the building, walking briskly to the door with my hands stuffed in my jacket pockets I knocked once before the door opened on its own with a blood-curdling creak. I shivered and walked in, desperate to get out of the cold.

As I stepped in there was a creak behind me and the door closed, I felt a gust of cold wind so I blamed it on that.

As I walked further into the dark room I saw two men standing by some boxes having some kind of argument. I was trying to be unnoticeable as I approached but the floor and these shoes created a friction that caused a squeak.

Fuck.

"Who's the--oh..." The man said as he seemingly recognized me.

"Amelia?" He asked half smiling.

"Hey, Dan..."