Blank Stare

Lone Monsters

Ishmael was looking forward to enjoy every moment of this conversation.

"You said it's your birthday today, right? What are you turned up now? The red-haired asked.

"I am 19 starting from today" Ishmael replied " The one you mistook me with" Ishmael continued without any hesitation. "How old he would be if he was alive today?" 

It was apparent that she was lying about the death of his friend. A made up story to avoid telling him the true motive. But one thing for sure they have met before. Somewhere, sometime. The truth is Ishmael was born with an accursed memory and slowly he has started to lose all of his childhood memory. It is accelerating in a horrific pace. And eventually, one day he would have lost all of his memory, everything and he will become an empty vessel. Ishmael is waiting eagerly for that day to come. 

"Well, I never knew his exact age. "Maybe 28-30? Actually I didn't know him that much. We just met several times, did stuffs together as team mate and at the end of the day forgot to ask about ourselves." The red haired continued with a little pause. "Maybe that's why I couldn't differentiate you with him, Because ..."

"Because we both are strangers to you" Ismael completed her sentence " Actually the feeling is mutual."

"What do you mean?" The red-haired asked calmly like she was expecting this.

"You too resemble a lot like a friend of mine. In my case, you look a bit older ... more mature" with more bigger  stuffs "..in various ways" Ishmael finished the sentence with a slight blush in his face.

"That's interesting. Maybe we are the same person we both are looking for but can't recognize each other? " The red haired said thoughtfully. Ishmael noticed that her tone has changed drastically.

"Impossible." Ishmael chuckled. " I am still alive you see, Sophia?" he uttered her name for the first step of testing her. "Well, not that it matters. If I am the only one living in this world then maybe I am the one who is actually dead. And my world maybe is just an illusion." 

"Oh, My" Sophia continued with a slight pause "So that's how you see the world?" 

The fact that red haired didn't falter after hearing her name proved 2 things. First of all, her name was truly Sophia. Actually, Ishmael wasn't completely sure whether it was her name or not. He had a very vague memory of her and wasn't even sure if it was true. But if it was true then maybe his sub-conscious has stored it deep inside his brain. He can't reach there, but his instinct could !

And secondly, despite knowing that Ishmael recognizes her, she is still putting up the act of a stranger. It means either she too is having a problem with her memories or she is double taking him on this test. 

"Terms often are relative, you see" Ishmael said looking straight at her eyes "You are alive right now ...sitting beside me, talking... yet in my eyes you are just... a dead soul. Waiting for a reincarnation." Ishmael said slowly. Then after a pause he continued, "And I am waiting to see if you could be made alive again without a reincarnation."  

"So one could be made alive again without a reincarnation?" Sophia asked curiously.

"Let's hear your opinion. What do you think about it?" Ishmael asked playfully.

"Hmm. Let's see. I think none could be made alive after being dead. Maybe they are just sleeping and you mistook their sleep for death?" Sophia continued, "So if you just awaken them from sleep it may look like a resurrection but what you did was just simply waking them up. Am I wrong?"

"Well, if you wake someone up and they become completely different person than they were before going to sleep would you still be able to call it just an awakening?" Ishmael continued without waiting for her answer. "Anyway, terms are often relative, no need to bother about it." 

"That maybe true." Sophia thought for a while " But it hurt me when you said I am dead in your eyes" Sophia's eyes showed a bit of actual saddening emotion.

"Ah...sorry for that." Ishmael laughed. "Well you can get back at me now. Tell me what do I look like in your eyes. You can say bad things about me, throw slangs or " with a little pause " Call me a monster !'

As Sophia was taking time what to tell about him, Ishmael tried to slowly analyze the situation. He didn't care if she was somehow after him or something terrible happened between them in the past or not. He just wanted to know if the girl was worth a shot. Up until now she hasn't shown any trait that will qualify her as more than an average blanked eyed. Still, she has potential. And Ishmael is waiting for that potential to bloom. He started to get his hope high.

Sophia started to talk,

" From what I have seen until now, I can tell only a few things about you.  You have superiority complex and you look down on people because you rarely or almost never found people to look up to. But to get along with people you go below your own standard and act to be similar to that person. Which you are doing with me right now. You seem to me like a clown trying to entertain people with childish acts while deep down getting tired of it." 

Ishmael burst out in laughter. The red-haired also joined him.

Sophia said with an apologetic look," Did you mind about what I said? Don't take too seriously. I just got back to you for last time"

Ishmael nod," It's okay. I like the way you talk. But you are doing the same thing aren't you? You wanted to talk about something else  with me, right? Yet, for the flow of conversation you are ignoring it."

Sophia stared at him with a refreshing smile." I am also starting to like the way you talk. And you are true I guess. Actually, I wanted to talk about..."

"Wait." Ishmael stopped her in the mid sentence. He was waiting for her to open up and now it's time. He continued. " Sophia can I ask you something first ? Actually, I wanted to tell you this from the start."

Sophia replied softly, " Yes?"

" I want you to be totally honest with me , you see? No need to put up an act, no need to succumb to lower level just because you are being cautious with me or something. You can feel it right? You can go all out on me. If you think you can overwhelm me with fear or confusion don't hesitate. If you fear me don't try to hide it. I just want to see your depth. And I believe you want to see mine too."

" Are you sure about it, Ishmael?" Sophia whispered slowly. " Even if you are, I can't be completely convinced if it is the right way or not. From the beginning, this whole ...." 

" You fail to see what you are supposed to see. And that's your weakness not mine. Don't worry , I have taken quite a like towards you. You can have it your own way. I will mend you into perfection."

As Sophia nodded confusedly, Ishmael knew what he must do now !

Time to perform a perfect resurrection !