Blank Stare

Accursed Amnesia

Sophia took a deep breath and showed her calm self.

"Ishmael," she looked straight at his eyes and said," Do you remember me? Give me a straight answer."

Ishmael shook his head," No, Just I feel like I have seen you before somewhere. And I think it's true because we both know our names. But nothing else comes to my mind."

Sophia became very cautious this time and asked," What about Ishtar? Do you remember her?"

Ishmael seemed very amused. He asked in return, "Which Ishtar are you talking about?" 

The amused expression of Ishmael was confusing. Sophia wasn't sure either he knew Ishtar and wanted to hide it or didn't knew Ishtar at all and was acting playfully. According to Solomon, Ishmael shouldn't have any recollection of his past or his wife after the first apocalypse. Then again he remembered Ishtar when he met Sophia 2 years ago. He called out her name and said that her smell ... Sophia suddenly remembered something. The only thing Ishmael told him was that she made him remember of his wife. He didn't call out her name himself !!! Hestia did !!! Sophia was so amazed in discovering this that she asked Ishmael something very comical in a serious way without even realizing that it was comical.

" Do you remember your wife? Do you remember her name?"

Ishmael was slightly confused yet he burst out in laughter. " I just turned 19 today ,Sophia !! What do you expect from a teenager like me?"

" But you do have a wife, right? You said her smell resembled mine !"

"What are you talking about?" Ishmael was in deep thought.

" 2 years ago when I met you in Kyoto. That day you said my smell resembled that of your wife's. Her name was Ishtar. I know you don't remember our meeting of that day because of your amnesia, yet you remembered my name and the fact we met before. That's why I am asking do you remember Ishtar? Your wife? Anything at all? Anything that comes to your mind after hearing that name."

Ishmael didn't answer for a while. He looked straight at Sophia's eyes and suddenly Sophia's head started to ache terribly. The pain was unbearable and was unexpected coming out of blue like this but Sophia was accustomed to this. She took a deep breath and tried to focus. As she slowly controlled her mind and looked back at Ishmael with same fierce eyes the ache started to fade. Ishmael lowered his gaze and looked very concerned.

"Sophia, It's private and I can't tell you anything regarding this. Sorry for that. But you are welcome to tell me anything from your part. I know it's not fair but I can't say anything about this."

Sophia was utterly disappointed. But she didn't let it out. She said calmly, "Anything other than the topic of Ishtar is fine, right?"

Ishmael nodded, "Yes, anything else is fine. I won't hide anything. Anything at all."

Sophia started to think rationally. Ishmael said that things regarding Ishtar was private. Does that mean he remembered it? Or does he have a similar vague recollection and is confused himself? However, wasting time to think about it right now is futile. For now, Sophia has to the utilize this time by get to know him better. She has to know his way of thinking, his core ideology and core fear.

" Tell me about yourself then." Sophia sounded a bit relaxed." Your childhood. Everything about you."

"Well," Ishmael leaned a bit and put his head into his two hands. " I can tell you a lot of thing about myself but if my childhood is concerned it may not turn very well. I guess you know that I have amnesia and a very ... a very bad memory so it's all hazy and messed up inside me. Specially the time period between my 15-18 age is almost blank. I may have met you at that time period and to be honest remembering your name alone can be considered a lot in this case. As for the time period before that " Ishmael sighed a little." The truth is, when I was a child, I was exact opposite of what I believe to be now. I was coward, selfish, eccentric, short sighted and sorts. I don't know how did I changed or when did the transition took place and I think this is for the best." Ishmael became straight and laid his back on the bench." The thing is I don't want you to take this past of mine sympathetically. You see this whole stuff made me realize that stories, memories doesn't actually matter. That's why I didn't ask you why did you came here or what sort of business you have with or me something. Right now, I am interested in ..."

Sophia interrupted him," Pattern of this world?"

" Nope, Slightly close though. What I am interested in is figures. Or you can say pattern of people. You see, I believe that this world is the collection of stories. Same repetitive story, with same roles just the name is different in different place and different timeline. Role is set and people are put into that story, into that place and timeline to see how they fulfil their role to their utmost. The same role can be seen everywhere in every age and whenever and wherever a person fails to fulfil that role he becomes dead and is reincarnated or rather substituted by another person. The thing is this repetitive story doesn't interest me at all and I can't travel to another story to see it by my eyes as I am myself part of one of this. That's why..."

"That's why?" Sophia asked curiously.

"That's why I am more interested in this roles and characters. The problem is though every character is interconnected to each other they do not exist unless you start to notice them. The moment you see the shackle everywhere, the interconnected web between this characters you can't UNSEE anymore. But if you can't notice them or don't notice them they will not appear in front of you if you wait a lifetime."

" I am not getting what you are implying !" 

" What I am saying is simply that" Ishmael crossed his fingers. " I happened to see the pattern of character-role thing and am interested in this. But to my utter disappointment, I am yet to see any character or role that will amuse me, please me or simply i could like it. You may say it's because of my superiority complex but that's not the case. What I yearn for is COMPANIONS not FOLLOWERS."

"You said you haven't met anyone that has pleased you or made you like it." Sophia said the next line playfully." What about Ishtar? What about me?"

Ishmael smiled a bit." Ishtar was an exception and I don't want to talk about her. As far as you are concerned I already told you didn't I? To my eyes you are just a dead soul waiting for a reincarnation. And I am waiting to see if you could be made alive again without reincarnation. Simply I want to resurrect you."

" Can you explain?"

" To put it simply you have a lot of potentials and a designated goal in front of you but you lost track of it and can't utilize your potentials. If this goes on eventually you would substituted by another person from your post and will simply die. Or maybe you have already died right? Is that the reason you came to me?"

Sophia smirked a little and tangled her hair," Maybe ... or ... Maybe Not. But Anyways, how are you gonna perform the resurrection? And when I will be truly resurrected?"

Ishmael patted on Sophia's hair and said calmly," It will happen when it needs to happen but you will only see it only when it's beyond your control."

Sophia didn't know why but she started to really enjoy this drama.