Tempted by my brother's roommate

Chapter Ten – Forbidden Thoughts

Sleep had become a stranger to me. Every night I tried, but the moment I closed my eyes, I saw him, his eyes, his hands, the quiet strength in the way he looked at me like he already knew what I was afraid to say. It wasn’t supposed to happen, and yet it did. Feelings don’t ask for permission; they just arrive, quietly and completely.

I told myself to stop thinking about him. Nathaniel was my brother’s friend, my brother’s roommate. But the more I tried to silence it, the louder it grew.

That evening, James was in his room on a long call, his laughter echoing faintly through the walls. I stepped out for some water, padding barefoot to the kitchen. The light over the stove glowed soft and warm. Nathaniel was there, leaning against the counter, his sleeves rolled up, a glass of water in his hand.

He looked up when I entered, the faintest smile tugging at his mouth. “Can’t sleep again?”

I shook my head, gripping my cup. “You either.”

He shrugged. “Didn’t try.”

For a while, we just stood there, both pretending not to notice how close we were. The air between us felt strange, gentle but electric. The hum of the refrigerator filled the silence, steady and rhythmic, like a heartbeat.

James’s laugh rang again from down the hall, and Nathaniel’s eyes flickered toward the sound. “He trusts me too much,” he said quietly.

I swallowed. “You’ve known each other for years.”

“Still.” He set his glass down, tracing the rim with his finger. “If he knew what was in my head sometimes…”

He didn’t finish the sentence, but he didn’t have to. My heart already knew.

I took a small step forward before I realized it. “What’s in your head?” I asked softly.

He looked at me then, really looked. His eyes were dark and uncertain, but there was no hiding the truth in them. “You don’t want to know.”

“I do,” I whispered.

He exhaled slowly, his voice barely more than a murmur. “You shouldn’t make me say it, April.”

My breath caught. The sound of my name on his lips sent warmth through my chest, dizzy and dangerous. “Then don’t say it,” I whispered, “just… don’t lie.”

His hand twitched at his side, like he wanted to reach for me but couldn’t. The distance between us felt impossibly small and unbearably wide at the same time.

“April,” he said again, my name breaking in his throat. “You’re making this harder.”

“I’m not doing anything,” I said, though my voice trembled.

“Yes, you are,” he said quietly. “You look at me like I’m something you shouldn’t want. And it makes me forget why I’m supposed to stay away.”

For a moment, the world stood still. The air grew thick, the silence too loud. I could hear my heartbeat, could feel his breath just inches away.

Then James’s voice echoed from his room, breaking the spell. “Nate! You up?”

Nathaniel stepped back instantly, the air rushing cold where he’d been. He ran a hand through his hair, his composure returning like armor. “You should go,” he said, voice low.

I nodded, though every part of me wanted to stay. “Goodnight,” I whispered.

“Goodnight, April.”

I turned to leave, but his voice stopped me again,barely above a whisper. “You have no idea what you do to me.”

I didn’t look back. I couldn’t.

In my room, I sat on the edge of the bed, my hands trembling. I knew what I felt was wrong. But for the first time, wrong felt real, human, and alive.

And no matter how much I tried to deny it, I couldn’t stop thinking about his voice in the dark, confessing what I already knew.