Falling For You

Chapter 11: The First Flame

I sobbed the entire way back. How could Father be so cruel? What could Lilith have done that was all that awful? I was angry and ready to storm back home to find answers. Father deserved to tell me at least a little if he expected me to be a good soldier. I couldn’t continue to justify sending people to Hell if I didn’t know whether they really deserved it or not, but just as I was about to spread my wings and go back to the gates, the scroll began to heat up again.

I sighed. This was just the start, and soon there would be a large amount of people dying. It would feel like an endless sea of work. If all of my tasks were going to send me to Hell and put me through the torture I had just experienced with Lilth, then count me out. I was beyond done. Father’s cruelty should be his and his alone. I am not a tool for his anger toward these helpless creatures.

I threw the scroll into a bush nearby and headed home. I would not be a pawn in Father’s game. When I reached the gate, I found that something had changed: the gate was closed and I couldn’t open it. Surely, this was a mistake. Why wouldn’t I be allowed home? This was still my home, wasn’t it?

I began to pull and bang to no avail. I was locked out… A scream of rage escaped my lips before I could stop myself. How could Father do this to me? I scoffed as I realized he lied when he told me I wasn’t being punished. I was being punished. There was nothing anyone could say to change my mind now.

“Father!?” I called out, trying to remain calm.

When there was no answer, another scream escaped my lips, “I know you can hear me! Let me in. I need to have a word with you!”

Only silence followed my demands. I kicked at the gates and clouds surrounding the gate in a vain attempt. I knew it would make no difference, as my first attempts had been ten times stronger. Just as I was about to turn away, I heard the gate slowly open and close.

“Hello, Azrael. I’ve missed you,” Cassiel said calmly.

He held out his arms, waiting for me to fall into him. And how could I not? My entire life had been turned upside down, but I still felt for him and he actually felt for me. I had been wishing for him to feel these feelings for me since I didn’t even know how long.

“What’s going on?” I whispered as I collapsed into his welcome embrace.

“I’m not entirely sure. Father only said that I should meet you here and spend some time with you on Earth,” he murmured, as he inhaled my scent.

I couldn’t help smelling his woodsy scent and smile. I pulled back to look into his eyes. The amber color smoldered with desire. As much as I missed him, I couldn’t help recalling our last encounter and then the words from Seraphina flooded my mind too.

“God, you are so dense sometimes, Azrael. Love is not just telling someone how much they mean to you and being physical. Have you really spent no time thinking about anything else? Have you not considered our relationship and how deeply I’ve cared for you?” Seraphina had been so angry and yet so passionate. And our kiss… was indescribable. Seraphina could always draw me in? How had I not noticed her before? I slowly felt myself moving away from Cassiel and leaning on the gates of Heaven, but it wasn’t enough to pull me out of my thoughts… of her.

“Are you alright, Azrael?” Cassiel asked, pulling me from my thoughts.

He closed the gap between us again, but only enough to hold my hand this time. My body felt hot and I noticed I was confused and frustrated. Why did I have to keep thinking about her? I thought I was supposed to be with Cassiel.

“I’m fine,” I lied. “I’m just upset with Father. That’s all.”

“I see. Well, I can’t say that I know what he wants you to do, but I can provide you with some comfort for a while. Father said I should stay with you until you are ready to resume your duties,” he smiled at me with such confidence and something else gleamed in his eyes too, but what?

“Why are you so happy to accompany me in my misery? I’ve been banned from Heaven. I’m not even sure I’m welcome in Hell anymore either,” I said dully, unsure if Hell would even be an acceptable home and if a certain occupant would ever want me to return.

“Why wouldn’t I want to be with you at your lowest point? We are destined to be together, remember?” Cassiel’s eyes darkened with desire and slowly trailed down my body.

I blushed in response to his gaze and turned away. Are we though? I wondered silently as he turned me to face him and then Cassiel’s lips crashed into mine. I gasped in surprise. He took this as an invitation to explore my mouth with his tongue. Confusion and fear washed over me. I’m supposed to be enjoying this. Why aren’t I enjoying this?

He suddenly stopped, “What’s wrong? Something is different,” he whispered as he stared into my eyes intently.

I blushed again, and avoided his eyes, “I think-” I fumbled for an acceptable answer. “It must be my new job. I feel like I have no choice. I delivered someone to Hell who shouldn’t have been placed there.”

I could still feel his eyes on me. He was looking for any signs that I was being untruthful. Would he figure out that I was only telling half of the truth? I risked peeking up at him and he caught my lips in another kiss. This time it was slow and filled with love. He was trying to comfort me.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered and then released me. “I’m not sure how I can help you, but I would like to try. Why don’t you take me to the human, so that I can see for myself… Father, did say I should try to do what I can to ease your worries.”

“I don’t think…” I began, but what I couldn’t finish was: I don’t think I want to ignite that flame.