Falling For You

Chapter 14: The Wise Woman's Words Part I

I managed to escape Cassiel’s gaze and most likely his wrath. The question was, for how long? But right now it didn’t matter. Why couldn’t he just hear me out? Why did he have to act like that? I knew his feelings about Seraphina, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t listen to my side of things, my feelings. Seraphina wasn’t part of our relationship, but I sure as hell was.

If he wasn’t ready to listen, then I wasn’t ready to be his. My resolve would not break this time. I couldn’t keep making the same mistakes. Seraphina was right, he had been taking advantage of me, but she was also wrong. I was willing to be with him, even though I couldn’t seem to stop myself from the emotions, no matter how wrong, that came with it. The next time I saw him I had to do better, be better. Relationships aren’t just s*x. I knew that; I had known that since before I had known what intimacy was. The only problem seemed to be my body and brain didn’t get the memo when we were in such close proximity.

Next time, I had to speak my mind. I couldn’t keep following this cycle if we were truly soulmates. He would have to take the time to understand my needs and wants, not just my body’s desires. My mind was just as important and so was my heart; and at that moment my heart felt betrayed.

I had a head start in running, but I knew Cassiel wouldn’t be far behind. I went to the only place I knew he wouldn’t think to look, the only place angels were forbidden from entering: The Garden of Eden. Consequences from Father be damned. If he continued to elude me and send others to do his bidding, then I could be a rebellious child like Lucifer. Not that this was as terrible as Lucifer’s actions. After all, I wasn’t going to tempt Eve with the knowledge of good and evil like he had.

The wall appeared almost out of nowhere. The Garden was much too easy for angels to enter. However, we weren’t the ones Father was trying to keep out. I glided over the wall and landed in a secluded corner in a dense grove of trees. Tucking my wings away, I began to wander aimlessly. There wouldn’t be much to do here, but I would also be hidden from the source of my current disgust.

What could I say to him? What did I want and need? Thinking about what to say just made him and the events of our relationship run through my head like a movie, endlessly torturing me with my mistakes. He wanted me, that was for sure, but in what way? It didn’t seem like he cared about my worries and job like he claimed to, but- Was I judging him too quickly?

“Hey!” a voice called out several yards away, snapping me out of my reverie.

“Hello?” I called back, not sure where the voice came from.

“Over here! By the lake!” the voice called back.

I hadn’t realized I was so close to a lake, but as I looked closer at my surroundings, I found it was only a short walk away. I slowly made my way to the smooth water’s edge. As I approached, I found a woman sitting on the shore, enjoying the sunshine. I instantly knew it was Eve before she turned around and introduced herself. Her smile was kind and innocent. She wore much less than I did, but she was covered for the most part. I worried that my robes would give away my identity, but she didn’t seem to take notice.

“How did you find your way in here? No one ever comes to visit us,” Eve asked curiously.

“I- oh, um- I’m from a neighboring Garden where Fa- I mean God is starting up,” I finished meekly, hoping she would accept my terrible lie.

“Oh, that’s wonderful!” she exclaimed as she stood up to hug me. “I’ve always wanted to meet another woman! I thought I would be on my own with my husband and children only. This is such a wonderful surprise!”

“Really? You- That does sound a bit lonely, but then again, your family is enough, isn’t it?” I asked earnestly.

She didn’t seem to be very lonely, but if Eve felt alone, surrounded by family, then there probably wasn’t any hope for my relationship or family either.

“Well, it can feel a bit suffocating sometimes, but Adam is great and Cain always keeps me on my toes,” she laughed fondly.

“What do you mean?”

“Oh, um-” she hesitated, and I wondered if she didn’t think she could trust me or if it was because Adam wasn’t a good partner.

So many questions swirled around in my head. Was Adam a terrible partner? Did she regret having a child with him? Did she feel like she wasn’t important compared to the men in her life? Did that mean I was destined to suffer the same fate? Would Father force me to experience such terrible things just because I was a female too?

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to pry. I am just uncertain about my own relationship with my soulmate. I’m not completely sure why Fa- I mean God has paired me with him,” the words came from my mouth before I could stop them.

The worried look on her face disappeared and was replaced with a look of concern and sympathy for me. She motioned for me to sit on the sand close to the lake. She sat down with no hesitation, and patted the place next to her when I didn’t follow her instantly. I sat down further away from where she had indicated, but was curious about what she had to say.

“If it makes you feel better, my relationship with Adam is not perfect. Adam and I have our problems sure, but we know how to talk to each other. We have boundaries and we are respectful of them. What are you worried about with your soulmate?”

My gaze had been on her expressions when she talked, but I flushed with embarrassment and turned away when she asked about Cassiel and I. Should I discuss matters of celestials with a human? Would Father destroy her if she knew about my personal affairs?

“It’s complicated… He- he doesn’t listen, and it feels like he only pretends to care. If I want to discuss important matters, he shuts me down almost every time,” I sighed, hopefully my answer was vague enough to sound like a human problem instead of an angelic one.

“I see,” she said gravely, thinking hard for a moment before responding. “Have you tried talking with him about what you need in the relationship?”

“Yes, before I came here, actually. He wouldn’t let me talk. My friend tried to keep us apart before we got together and he is jealous of her, I think. But she made a valid point. We can’t just have a physical relationship, he has to listen to me too, but I’m not sure what kind of relationship we really have,” I blushed again as I realized I had rambled about my problems to Eve, who was not only a human, but also a complete stranger to me. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to say all of that.”

“No, it’s alright. You need an unbiased opinion,” she paused, contemplating my predicament. “It sounds to me like you need to have a sit down with your friend and your partner. If they both feel protective over you, that’s not a bad thing, but it sounds like neither of them is listening to you and your feelings. I had to do the same thing with Adam not long after I was created. Adam thought that I was supposed to do what he said just because I was his wife. I sat him down and explained that I was not a piece of property, I am a person and he can’t treat me badly just because that’s how he treated Lilith. He didn’t come around right away, but he did come around eventually.”

She smiled and took my hand to try and comfort me. I nodded, taking in the advice. She was much more perceptive than I thought she would be. It seemed like her problems had been just as big as mine, and yet she solved the issue so easily.

“You are very wise, Eve. I am not sure that my problems will be so easily solved, but I will try to do as you suggested… However, there is one part that I have left out. It’s a bit embarrassing to admit, as I am certain I don’t feel the same way, but… My friend also feels for me as my soulmate does. It is confusing and makes things harder to sort out,” I admitted, ashamed that Seraphina could cause this problem and ashamed that I didn’t feel badly that she felt that way about me.

I shouldn’t have even said anything. Seraphina and I were just friends. What was I saying? I didn’t have feelings for her. I didn’t want to be with her. I wanted Cassiel, or at least I used to. He seemed different now. What was happening to me? What had they made me become?