Falling For You

Chapter 8: The Talk

As I sat and considered everything, Father summoned me to his planning room. I was a bit nervous as the last time I had been in there was as a trespasser. I wondered if he was calling me to give me punishment for my deeds. Things had been so hectic earlier that he hadn’t had the time, but now I suppose he did. Would he still let me be The Angel of Death? Did I even want the job anymore? So much had changed in such a short period of time that it was impossible to catch my breath and understand any of the feelings gripping my heart.

I hesitated outside the door, and that’s when he beckoned me in. I rolled my eyes at this, his omnipotence could really set my teeth on edge sometimes. How is it that one so powerful and all knowing, could be so dense about how his ‘over-seeing’ could make one feel? I guess it was just Father being Father. He only took feelings into consideration when it came to the humans. His children’s feelings didn’t matter.

“You needed to speak with me, Father?” I asked softly after closing the door behind me.

Father sat in a large arm-chair next to a recently lit fireplace. His face was creased in concentration and a bit of what looked like frustration. His face soothed and terrified me at times. I was always wary of whether he was on the verge of handing out a punishment or ready to burst with joy. He placed the book he had open on the end table next to him, and motioned for me to sit down in the chair directly across from his.

“Yes, Azrael. We must discuss the new position I have in mind for you. I know you already have a basic idea of what it entails,” when he said this a glint of humor flashed across his face and was then gone in an instant. It left me wondering if he had actually thought my indiscretion was humorous.

“Yes,” I said, treading carefully so as not to upset him, “I know that you want me to transport human souls after they die.”

“Correct. As The Angel of Death, you will collect human souls and walk with them to their next destination, whether that be Heaven or Hell. I have a scroll for you. On the scroll a list of names shall appear. These names are the souls who are waiting to be collected. You must collect them in the order that they appear one at a time. They will wait by their bodies until you come for them. When you collect them, the scroll will then indicate where they are to be taken. Your only job is to take them to the place they are meant to go. Do you believe you are capable of fulfilling this role?” His tone was businesslike in nature the entire time he talked, and there was no room for misinterpreting his wishes.

“Yes, Father. I understand the commitments set before me and accept this role,” I answered gravely, realizing that there must be a catch to such a burdensome job.

“Wonderful, then I will look for the scroll,” He replied as he got up to cross the room.

It was then that the thought of punishment crossed my mind again and I couldn’t help but ask, “Father, are you angry at me for being in your office earlier?”

“No, why do you say that?”

“Well, I- I thought that maybe this job was punishment for my actions and- I-” He felt my wariness and confusion and stopped me before I could make a fool of myself.

His face became soft and inviting, “I am not punishing you, child. In fact, I am not punishing anyone. Even earlier when I cast out some of your siblings.”

I scoffed at this. How could he sit there and pretend that he was doing nothing to punish them? They were clearly suffering and they were barred from the gates. Everyone was there to witness the scene. Was he lying to make me feel better about my fate? Was he trying to trick me into thinking that I got a better deal than Seraphina when in reality my punishment was just as great or greater than hers?

He noticed my withdrawal from the conversation and pulled me back with his soft chuckle. “Well my dear, you can refuse to believe your Father at his word, but I promise you, I make no decision lightly, and I always ensure everything will end in the best way possible. Even if that means people have to suffer a bit before they can rise up from their actions,” He winked at me, then said “Ah, here it is.”

He handed her the scroll and then returned to his arm-chair and book by the fireplace. He waited to see if I would say anything else, but it took a minute for my brain to even comprehend what he had just said.

“So, does that mean free will is the greatest lie of all?” I finally spat out.

“I guess you will just have to figure that out for yourself, won’t you? Like I said, we all have to suffer and fall, before we can rise from the ashes,” He murmured with a small smile on his lips, then he picked up his book and returned to where he had left off.

This answer irked me, and I didn’t know why. I understood that suffering was important for human growth, but I thought that he had made us, his angels, perfect and didn’t that mean that there was no need for us to suffer?

The more questions I thought I had answered, the more questions were replaced with new ones. What was Father’s game? And why hadn’t he said anything about Cassiel and I? Did that mean he approved of our union?