Falling For You

Chapter 10: The First Death

When I ran, I had no idea where I would go. All I knew was that things were happening way too fast. First with Cassiel, and now with… Seraphina. I shook my head to try and clear all the thoughts. She wouldn’t be able to follow me to the human realm, so that was my first instinct. I flew as fast as my wings would carry me to the entrance of Hell, past the reception desk now manned by one of my many siblings. They tried to stop me to no avail. I was too fast and too frantic to even think about following protocol at this point.

The darkness of the tunnel consumed me. It enveloped me in a long dark embrace and the silence consumed my mind, finally freeing me of the constant replay that was… our kiss. The upward flight began and I felt nothing. I was numb. There was no pain. There was no love. There was no fluttering of my heart. All that was left was… me. What was left of me anyway.

Things had been changing so much that I didn’t even know who I was anymore. Was I even supposed to be me or simply a plaything for another? Was I supposed to find myself or be a servant for my Father? The light from the human realm slowly came into view. I raced through the opening of a newly created portal and landed thunderously on the ground next to the hole. It slowly shrank and became nothing once more. How would I get that to open up again when I had to deliver a soul to Hell? Would I want to see her again? How would I even face her? Would she wait for me at the entrance? Father was responsible for all of this mess. How could he do this to me? Was what I had done really that horrible?

A burning began to form near my chest from all this anxiety. How would I survive this? Wrapping my mind around all the problems I had to solve made me want to crawl into a hole that had no entrance or exit, a hole where no one would be able to reach me. As I continued my reverie, I realized that the inside of my chest wasn’t the only burning I was feeling. The scroll in my robes was burning me slowly. I pulled it out quickly. This was the major source of pain I had felt near my chest, but it was also caused by the turmoil of my situation.

The scroll was brilliantly illuminated and as soon as it was in my hand, I felt a tug. It was leading me somewhere. I unfurled it to see if it would give me any clues as to where it wanted to go. At first, it appeared blank. But just as I was about to give up, a name began to appear. It was then that I realized more time had passed than I thought in Hell. Somehow, the humans were already lining up to meet their final destinations. Did this mean that Hell’s time moved much more slowly than time on the Earthly plane?

The scroll cared not of my inquiries and pulled me closer to whoever it was that had met their end. I opened my wings to make quick work of this soul, named Lilith according to the scroll. I found that she was not far from my location and swooped down immediately. She had been habitating in a cave not far from The Garden of Eden. Her body still held a baby in her arms, but her soul seemed to have forgotten about it completely, as she paced the floor of the cave muttering to herself.

I pulled my wings back into my body so as not to startle her. I wasn’t sure of the rules of this and wanted to be cautious with my first delivery.

“Hello,” I called softly to her, but she didn’t notice.

“It’s not my fault. It’s his fault. He did this to me. I wanted things to be fair but no-” she seemed to be stuck in a loop. This speech happened several more times before I caught on to the concept.

“Lilith?” I called loudly to her, hoping she would break out of her breakdown.

“Who’s there?” she asked, shielding her eyes from the sun to look at the entrance of the cave.

“My name is Azrael. I’m here to-” I didn’t quite know how to finish. Was I allowed to tell her? She was dead after all, so it seemed safe to say what I came to do. “I’m here to take you to your final resting place,” I said as I pointed toward her body. “You died. Your soul is no longer attached to your Earthly form.”

I watched her as the realization hit. At first, she tried to deny it, then she tried to argue and beg, and finally, she gave in and cried. I held out my hand and smiled gently. “It’s okay. You can trust me,” I murmured.

“What about my baby?” she whispered, looking back to her lifeless body.

“Did you give them a name?” I asked kindly.

“I named him Isaiah,” she replied fondly.

As soon as his name was spoken, he appeared in his mother’s arms and she cried out, “Oh, no! Please, no!”

“I’m so sorry,” I whispered, “but at least he won’t be left to suffer and die alone.”

A tear slid down her cheek and she nodded in agreement, “You’re right,” she said as she rocked him in her arms.

I held out my hand to her again. This time she seemed ready and willingly took my hand in hers. I wasn’t sure where to go, so I opened the scroll again to check for anything new. When it opened, I gasped. She was going to the place I had just run from. What had she done that was so terrible? She was a mother and had died giving birth hadn’t she? What was so bad about this?

She sensed my unease and asked, “What’s wrong? Is there a problem?”

“I- No, everything is fine,” I responded a bit too quickly.

She tensed next to me, but said nothing. Her grip loosened and she tried to pull away from my hand, but was unable to let go. I tightened my hold on her hand, and opened my wings. She gasped at the sight of them and couldn’t help but stare. I smiled, but was a bit embarrassed by her gaze. I walked her out of the cave and took off to the skies hoping against all hope that the scroll was wrong. Surely, there had been a mistake and she was supposed to go to Heaven. I was about to sigh in relief and head home when I found the dark entrance of Hell was beginning to open again.

Her eyes widened and she looked to me, “Why are we going that way?”

“I’m sorry, Lilith. I”m simply the carriage for your journey. I don’t have the answers,” I said remorsefully.

I was saddened that my first human would be placed in Hell, she really didn’t seem like a bad person. I wished I could do something for her, but I didn’t even know if it was possible to take her in the opposite direction, and what would happen to her if she was taken to Heaven. For all I knew, she might be wiped from existence if she tried to sneak in.

“I have an idea of what I’ve done, but my baby…?” she trailed off.

“His name appeared on the list… after you named him. I’m not sure what that means or why,” I responded truthfully.

She let out a heart-breaking scream of agony, but as we descended into Hell, her cries were silenced. I knew she was still crying out, but the vast void of the tunnel suppressed everything. I held her tightly trying to comfort her, but knew there was little I could do. She would hate me for delivering her to this end, and she would never forgive me for taking her baby with her.

When we reached the reception area, I released my hold on her. I turned to leave, but felt her hand clasp back into mine and hold it tightly. I turned around to see her terrified face.

“Please, wait. I’m not ready. Don’t leave us here, please,” she begged, as her tears streamed down her face endlessly.

The receptionist got up from his seat and called for Lilith to follow him. I nodded to him and he frowned. He must have sensed that she was trying to delay the inevitable because he walked around his desk and gripped her forearm.

“It’s time to go. Azrael has other souls to deliver. You belong here now. Come,” he commanded.

“It’s okay. I will come back to make sure you are alright,” I whispered to her, so that my brother couldn’t hear.

Reluctantly, she let go of my hand and nodded. She looked me in the eyes intensely and said, “I will hold you to that” as my brother led her further into the pits of Hell.

I smiled sadly at her and bid her farewell.