Still Searching

On my own now

I don’t live in the city, with the big lights and the tall buildings. I have tried to live there before but it just wasn’t for me. Instead of large towers and bright beams of light, I have torches and mountains bigger than you can imagine.

It is not too bad. Actually I find it quite peaceful. Just to add to the beautiful view there is a massive lake. I love to go to the lake when I want to think. There is a bit of decking that trails out into the lake, it is my favourite spot.

When I was a child, me and my parents would just sit on the exact decking to talk and spend time together. We would go to a cabin every weekend just to get away from everything. Most of the time my dad would be working and my mum would be at home with me as I was homeschooled until I was fourteen. That’s why the weekends would mean so much to me as the three of us would be together. Well that was at least until I was seventeen. Following the tragic and heart wrenching event that caused the loss of both my parents. The event that took them away from me. Forever.

I remember that day like the back of my hand. I remember just getting home from college and receiving a knock at the door. To discover the police standing in my doorway. Them proceeding to deliver the tragic news. Saying how they were in a car accident due to someone drink driving. As well as saying that they didn’t make it out alive. I remember how I was at loss of words. As though I had to be taught how to breathe again.

I’m twenty two now. It’s still hard. I don’t know. After a while I decided to move to where I am now. Just living in such a mountainous area, it keeps me from completely losing my sanity. I feel closer to them here. I guess. I live basically in the middle of nowhere, so I am on my own which in some kind of way, is amazing as I have the mountains to myself. Although I would love to have a family of my own, to share it with them.

Sometimes when I get myself all worked up, I tend to sit there and just stare into the mountains. I know it’s slightly strange. It’s just as though I am looking to try and find some answers. Answers for what? You may ask. Well that’s still a mystery to me. I’m sure I'll figure it out at some point. It may take time, god knows how long. But for now though, I will keep looking. I’m still searching.