When Love is Pain

The Restriction

Nisha saw Maya without earphones the next day, she told," Thank you ma'am for keeping my request."

"What request?"

"The one regarding the earphones."

"No, I didn't do it for you."

Nisha was stunned, she didn't know what to feel, to avoid the moment from getting awkward she instantly shifted the topic.

It was another usual day in her college and Nisha realised," God, please save me, I am falling for this married woman who's 19 years older than me(Nisha had known Maya's age from her birth date on f*******:)!" However it was too late then, Nisha had already gone too far with Maya already and there was no coming back. What began as a childish infatuation had now grown into something deeper or maybe it was always meant to be that deep.

Nisha's parents were very strict, she wasn't allowed to engage in any romantic affair with anyone in her school yet she kept dreaming that one day she'll be free to love anyone she wishes and this was the time. Nobody was watching her and Maya. Needless to say, her parents weren't even aware of this.

Nisha happened to change her residence but she insisted to keep her bus same because of Maya but she told her parents," I've already made so many friends here! I don't want to go to a new environment again!" Maya had asked her," Hey, why aren't you getting up? Your destination is coming near!" Nisha felt so seen that Maya still remembers where she gets down.

"We have shifted our residence ma'am!" she said with a smile.

Maya didn't come for a few days and when she finally arrived, Nisha told," What happened ma'am? I didn't see you for the few days! I thought you had left the bus!"

Maya walked away with another professor saying," I'll be leaving the bus soon just after winter ends."

Nisha felt like her world had ended. How can fate be that cruel? She cried hard that day in the bus, tears flowed uncontrollably, she didn't sit beside maybe Maya because she had already sat with someone else or maybe because she couldn't let Maya see her cry for her. Nisha felt her body gave up, she could barely walk. She laid down under the night sky on the cold dewy grass, she didn't know how to calm herself down and if she didn't her parents would definitely ask her why she's upset and obviously she couldn't tell them the truth. Her mother called her, "Nisha, it's so late, where are you? I'm worried!"

"Coming maa, I'm just sitting on the grass for but, just tired."

Her CS exams were just knocking on the door, she hadn't even completed her syllabus let alone revision but she didn't worry about that. Her parents told her she didn't need to be serious in this attempt because they saw his she had been struggling to manage everything. Hence, she only worried about what she'll do in Maya's absence.

Nisha had observed Maya's digital behaviour. After being friends on f*******:, she could see more of her photos that she had cooked palak chicken once that happened to be Nisha's recent favourite, her mother too had cooked a few months ago, that Maya had loved reading Taranath Tantrik. Everyday Nisha used to jot down questions she'd ask Maya like," Ma'am, I can't believe you loved reading that book that's a little inclined towards exorcism. I loved it too but my mother says it's not a good book because she's just scared of these paranormal things!"

"Haha, you know that book is actually a classic!"

Maya frequently changed her profile and cover photos like in two or three days, Nisha found it strange yet loved her unpredictability.

One Sunday, Nisha felt something off in Maya's account. She visited her account daily she didn't know why but today she couldn't see some of Maya's posts anymore, those posts which she had liked herself. Everyday Maya used to post something and it made Nisha feel close to her even if that was digital. Nisha ransacked every Google site to know what was the issue, she guessed Maya might have restricted her on f*******:. Nisha didn't see why Maya should do that? She thought it might have been a mistake on her part. She decided she must ask Maya about this.

"Ma'am, I can no longer see your photos on f*******:, have you restricted me?"

Maya just smiled and nodded.

Nisha couldn't believe her eyes, hence she asked," but ma'am, why?"

Maya's colleague was standing beside her, Sandhya ma'am. Nisha had studied all her colleagues from the YouTube videos.

Maya felt hurt and betrayed but she didn't show it. She just furrowed her eyebrows and said," Okay ma'am," in a very expressionless blunt tone.

Maya had posted a lot of photos for the last 10 years and it wasn't possible for Nisha to finish seeing them in a day, so she used to take up one album one day and liked some pictures if she genuinely liked Maya in that photo. Has her notifications disturbed Maya? Or did Maya didn't trust her enough? Did she thinks Nisha would post Maya's photos elsewhere?

She was crying her lungs out, there was only one question burning and lingering in her heart: WHY? After all these moments of togetherness, after all the times her eyes deliberately met mine what could have possibly gone wrong? What did I do? If she had told me what's disturbing her, had i not obeyed her? Why did she choose this path?

Nisha thought she shouldn't wait for Maya anymore after classes if that's what she wants to convey through this restriction. Thereafter, she didn't even sit beside her. Maya still continued to sit in her periphery intentionally or not. One day she was loud enough while talking to her colleagues," You know, my husband says that I am always thinking about our university, you know he doesn't want to go to the bazaars..." all while laughing and giggling. Nisha wasn't eavesdropping in fact she wasn't even interested to hear those details but Maya was speaking so loudly that Nisha had to put in her earphones. Nisha went on a study leave for her CS exams. Winter vacations followed thereby and hence the two were separated or so Nisha thought.