When Love is Pain

The Break

Nisha didn't quite know why she wanted to be playful with Maya maybe because of their growing comfort. One day just before the classes were about to begin, Nisha appeared before Maya and blocked her path. Maya was a little agitated and stunned, she replied," What? Do you wanna say something?"

Nisha smiled and shook her head but then again blocked Maya's path when she was about to turn aside and leave.

"What? Are you kidding me? Go to your class!"

Maya was not only cold but also angry, she literally scolded Nisha and her eyes had grown bigger.

"I'm sorry ma'am," Nisha said almost instinctively she didn't expect this from her. Maya left.

Nisha couldn't think anything. Maybe it was her fault that she was being playful and that she crossed boundaries. She tested Maya's patience when she was hurrying to reach her class but Nisha wasn't sure if Maya really had a class right then. She thought maybe Maya leaves her strict professor behind only in the bus and doesn't entertain any tomfoolery at other times. For the first time, Nisha got a panic attack. Her friends Anaya and another girl, Tanya helped her in the washroom. They asked her what the matter was. Tanya suggested Nisha should take a break from Maya.

"You don't need to engage with her anymore, Nisha," that's what they said.

Tanya took Nisha with her to the hangout spot afterwards with another boy named Sushil. As the three were talking among themselves and Nisha was feeling better, Nisha saw Maya again there. Maya too spotted her but she instantly looked away which broke Nisha's heart. Tanya understood the tension and said," Don't bother, Nisha."

Another day in the bus, Deepti ma'am approached Nisha," Do you wanna sit with Maya ma'am?"

Nisha smiled and said," No ma'am, I can't because there has been some misunderstanding between us."

"Oh no! I'm so sorry to hear that!"

Nisha didn't know if Deepti ma'am ever told Maya this thing because the former was very close to Maya, they were more like sisters. However Nisha started to sit on the back from that day onwards, not because she had started hating Maya but because she understood that Maya needs some time to cool down. One woman in the bus asked her," Hey why are you sitting at the back nowadays?"

Nisha wanted to say," So that I can look at my lady love without any fear, so that I can feel closer to her just by staring at her" instead she said," it's just my mood!" and smiled.

Some days Nisha just used to listen to the song Sajde from Akshay Kumar's movie Khatta Meetha and kept looking at Maya, noticing how she giggles like a lovestruck teenager while talking endlessly to her colleagues.

One day, Maya had gone to the wrong bus. Nisha saw that but she didn't know how she'd approach Maya, they were still not talking, what if Maya dismisses Nisha's help. After thinking for a moment of two, Nisha thought," Let her scold me again or even dismiss my help, but I need to help her!" As she was about to get up, she saw Tarun sir had already got down from the bus and Maya was coming back, Nisha hurried back to her seat.

Nisha tried to comment on Maya's photos on f*******: but Maya either didn't respond or just liked her comment but didn't reply.

Holi had arrived. Nisha's friends made her barely recognisable with colours. Again, Nisha was playful she wanted to approach Maya with that face and ask," Hi ma'am, do you recognise me?" but something in her told her to refrain and so she just looked at Maya from far behind. Maya looked beautiful in her old salwar with just two streaks of pink and yellow gulaal on her face. Nisha, in her wild desires, once thought how it would have been if she stained Maya's face with red gulaal.

Nisha's heart used to beat faster when she used to see Maya approaching, she kept looking at Maya thinking she'd look at Nisha too but Maya just came inside the bus and moved forward didn't even look at Nisha. Nisha wondered if Maya misses her presence, if Maya searches for her, if she says this to herself," Where did that girl go?" because Nisha never found Maya doing these.

It was April, they hadn't talked since 13th February,2023. Nisha was standing with her friend, gossiping when she saw Maya coming towards the bus. Nisha looked at Maya, Maya must have looked at her too but she behaved almost like Nisha was a stranger. Nisha thought Maya must have been preoccupied with something but still she couldn't help feel bad. It was May, again Nisha had to take a study leave for impending CS exams in June but Nisha kept wondering this time if Maya would ever talk to her again, if she had lost Maya completely though she never belonged to Nisha, but she still had some fragments of Maya, will she even lose that now? Will they ever get back? Or was this the end of their story?