When Love is Pain

The Final Goodbye

I've cut all ties with her but my heart is still holding back some ties.

It's not about who stays and who leaves... It's about who makes you feel loved, seen and cherished.

Life happens everything is temporary but memories are permanent. Keu sarajibon theke gelo but kichui dilo na kintu keu kichukhon er jonno thekeo jodi kichu diye jete parey it's a lot!

Eternity is a luxury now which I can't afford.

And let me tell you she wasn't a সতী সাবিত্রী at all kono dhoya tulsipata chilo na, she knew what she was doing distance rakha ta teacher er dynamic chilo na.

Or maybe amar luck kharap je it's me who got her clouds and thunderstorm whereas others got her warmth and light.

When Nisha finally started realising that Maya might have lied to her to avoid her, she felt betrayed and small and heartbroken. She still decided to forgive Maya if she approached Nisha. Nisha could see Maya's w******p status now, a proof that Maya had saved her number, it made Nisha happy but also sad. What is the use of saving my number when she doesn't call or text me? Did she save my number so that as soon as I call, she starts thinking of an excuse to avoid me before picking up my call?

Nisha started thinking how she'll handle the situation if she ever comes across Maya in the campus. She won't readily give in if Maya asked her to come to her lectures.

"I'd love to, ma'am but you see I am very busy now with my dissertation, it's my final semester!"

However Nisha just wanted Maya to approach her which Maya never did.

How is Nisha supposed to behave with her knowing that Maya might have lied to her? Obviously, Nisha can't go full fangirl mode again, she has to make Maya realise that she's hurt. Nisha was actually scared this time to meet Maya, she wished she never met Maya again, because she didn't know how to react.

One day, Nisha finally met her out of sheer coincidence. She couldn't help but stare at Maya. How can someone look so effortlessly beautiful even without makeup and these old clothes? Maya was talking with her colleagues. Nisha doesn't quite remember if Maya looked at her properly, all she could remember was Maya didn't smile much. Maybe Maya was surprised to see Nisha approaching the exit in the recess with her bag, maybe Maya was thinking why Nisha was checking out so early: maybe that was the look Maya gave her. However Nisha diverted her eyes from Maya when she sensed Maya's eyes on her and Nisha walked away. She once thought of turning around to see Maya secretly, but she didn't, she walked away again. This time, finally.

Nisha had long sleepless and restless nights. She used to feel terribly lonely and she used to cry while clinging to her side pillow.

My eighth Wonder of the world,

I love you a lot but I am not as weak as you think, so I am walking away because you aren't my responsibility, because you didn't choose me. Although I never wanted you to choose me, I just wanted to spend some time with you but now it seems that you don't want that. It's okay, I respect your choice as I always have but if you need me, you'll have to choose me completely, loudly and publicly. However I'd say it's not necessary now: you are never content with your life and there's no guarantee that you won't try to fill the missing gaps that I won't be able to provide you with the help of someone else, someone new because people like you can't love! You don't know what love is; it's not something transactional as you think. You never communicate. So, I don't want this, I don't want you anymore even if I still love you. I am hereby snatching all the powers you had on me: your beauty, your smile and your pain. It's all over now & I won't come back even if you pretend to be dying or rotting in hell because if that's your fate, it'll come to you no matter what, I am no one to rewrite your fate with my love and maybe because you deserve rotting not in hell but in your own loneliness and insecurities because you'll never be able to love anyone. I know I am lost without you, but I'll find myself again just like I do!