My Secret Admirer Is My Bully

Chapter 6

Rose

I groaned rolling over in bed, turning off my alarm quickly I see I had fallen asleep studying. I know I am reading ahead of the class, but I just wanted to get ahead, get some knowledge as I have no one to help me. My books are still all over my bed, I picked them up and put them into my backpack. When I was free from them, I got up and went to the bathroom for a shower. Looking at the mirror I see I have my work cut out, the bruising and swelling took up half of my face. My fresh beating of the weekend. Caught out after church.

I covered the bruise as best I could without giving it away, I had makeup on, good thing I don’t have work tonight. Sneaking down the stairs I see my dad passed out cold on the sofa. I sneaked to the kitchen to grab some fruit from the bowl.

Sneaking past the living room door, I heard my dad’s voice, making me freeze on the spot, my blood running cold, the hairs on the back of my neck standing to attention.

‘’Better be a good girl today little w***e, or you will get matching bruises and not just to your pretty little face.’’ He was awake the whole time! My breathing came shallow, feeling as if a snake was tightening around my neck. Slowly turning my head, looking over at him he still had his eyes closed, a smirk on his lips.

‘’Yes dad.’’ I managed to whisper back to him, pushing the words ast the lump in my throat.

Escaping through the front door whilst I still could on shaky legs I power walked to the end of my street, looking over my shoulder, I see I was alone, putting my hands on my knees bending over I managed to suck in deep breaths. I relaxed my shoulders and carried on my 20-minute walk to college. It wouldn’t be the first time he has followed me to intimidate me with the threat of later in his eyes.

When I reached the campus, my worst worries came true. Usually no one paid any attention to me, even when they had seen the bruises, but today I felt every pair of eyes on me making my skin prickle. I could hear the whispers. Going to put my hood down future to cover more of my face is when I realised my mistake, I couldn’t feel it.

Looking down I see I put on my cardigan I wore at home when dad wasn’t home, it was my mum’s. As I rushed out this morning, I grabbed the first thing that come to hand not taking my eyes off the door to where my dad was. No, no everyone is going to be able to make out the swelling in the sun maybe even the bruising.

I rushed into the building away from prying eyes only to be met with more. My hair was standing on end with how many eyes were on me, my heart racing, smashing into my rib cage, my blood cold, feeling sluggish trying to move through my veins. I kept my eyes to the floor looking out for people’s feet to not trip or stand on them.

I did nearly walk into someone, quickly dodging around them with a quick sorry. I nearly sprinted to my class feeling holes being burned into my head. Grabbing the seat in the corner away from everyone my normal spot, I settled in for class, trying to control my heart that was nearly jumping out of my chest.

I can’t believe I had forgot my hoodie. I have never forgotten it, never. Even with hot days, I still wore them. I have a few different ones, thinner ones for the summer and thicker ones for the winter. The thinner ones were hard wearing in the summer at first but over the years I have adjusted to wearing them. It is better to wear them, then people seeing the bruising, the beating could be my last one if I was caught and someone confronting my dad.

I got the extra hoodies from the local church. I skipped out of school to go over there. be the first to go through the donation box. The church has helped me so much. Every moment I can get I will go and pop in to show them I am still here. They are the reason I started to trust adults again, that there are people out there that want to help. I just wouldn’t let them as they would get hurt and run out of town for my lies, that’s what everyone would say. They are good people, and I would never let them get hurt.

For the past few years I have never told them my story, I just couldn’t get it out. Anytime I thought of saying anything I started to shake, thinking my dad is listening. Only God has heard my story by talking to him.

The coat that Leo put on me in school had to be thrown in the bin, there was only so much sowing I could do to save it. I will have to save up the money for a new one for next winter. I never forgot that day, he came storming over and put the coat on me. he didn’t realise how hard he shoved it on me with the bruising I felt every part of it. At first, I just wore it out of fear, in case he attacked me for not wearing it. Then it became routine. It was warm so I enjoyed it.

A few girls came in the classroom sitting near the front. They looked over at me and started to whisper to each other, I know they have seen my face. I just hope it doesn't get back to my dad, I would be screwed then.

I was going to go to the church tonight, but my head and face was killing me, I just don't want to be out. I hope my dad just stays out tonight. It has given me a break from the abuse and giving my body a chance to heal.

I sat on my own, watching everyone fills in to the classroom, I was surprised when a few boys walked into the classroom. The one who shocked me the most was the one from Leo’s gang, I couldn’t remember his name, he didn’t look like them being big and built he was more of the geek looking type, slim build, glasses framing his eyes, the bookworm type of look. I have never heard him speak. Only ever in a book or if he didn’t have his nose in a book he was just stood watching seeming to be bored.

The girl Jace is still with from school walked in with the geek boy and they sat in front of me, not noticing me sat behind them. They were talking to each other quietly; I moved back a bit as I didn’t want to intrude on their conversation. Pulling out my notebook and getting some bits ready just to make myself busy.

The teacher finally walked in and got the class started. It felt strange at first, I had made it to college and finally do my dream. I will be walking in my mum’s footsteps and become a nurse; I will be able to do what I set out to do helping people of all ages being abused. Yet it felt wrong. I put my head down as I felt my eyes tear up; I was taking deep breaths to push them aside. Sending up a thank you to God for getting me this far. To not let me fail and keep these doubts away. For not taking me when I cut open my wrist.

Looking at the scar I rubbed it in remembrance, this scar is my push to make sure I never do this again, I will get my dream no matter what. It shows me I had a weak moment, but I am stronger than that, stopping listening to the voices of doubt in my head, letting people’s words get to me. I am better than their words. The church taught me I do matter. I have a dream I want to achieve and why should I let anyone put me down and stop me. Jesus was tortured and still carried the cross to be crucified, with so much hate thrown at him, if he could be so brave for me I will for him.

I will not be beaten no more mentally, I will succeed in life and help as many people I can. I started to listen back into the lesson not getting pulled into my head no more. I will do this.