My Secret Admirer Is My Bully

Chapter 2

Rose

The rest of the week at school seemed quiet, no one came near me, I could hear them whisper to each other looking over at me, but no one approached me. This made the week even longer than usual.

Leo and his gang also kept watching me, their following my every move. It creeped me out and made me think of every scenario they would be planning to do to me. Leo didn’t have a girl hanging off his arm today, he was just standing leaning against his locker, that was two doors away from mine. Jace had a girl on his arm. I had seen her with him all week, I wonder if they are together or if she is just like the others who never last. Reece had a girl trying to get his attention, but he was watching me burning holes in my head standing next to my locker. I guess I will be carrying everything again. That is clearly a warning that I am not to approach.

I just let it go, today is Friday so I had got a great fun filled weekend at home with my dad and his beatings. I just hope he will be gone. Turns out I was lucky this week and weekend.

After the beating he had given me on Sunday last week, I have been lucky to not see my dad the rest of this week. It gave my bruises a chance to heal. My body has a chance to recover. I was able to get up in the morning without wanting to scream, my body in a stiff position, it took longer to move. I hope this weekend I can just be left alone.

Heading to the bathroom before class, I finished up and just finished washing my hands when Amber walked in with two of her friends, one of whom used to be my friend growing up Mel. She was the first to turn her back on me and when Amber gave her an in to her group she jumped at the chance and has made my life hell.

‘’Well look who it is girls, the tramp of the pisshead. Going to make sure you buy daddy some drink, help him get to his grave quicker. Tonight, it is Friday.’’ Amber said with a sneer.

This is the usual taunt I get, they believe I buy him drink every Friday as one of the adults had apparently seen me in the office license. I have never stepped foot into one of them shops and I would never be served but this never stopped everyone talking about it and making it one of the biggest rumours.

The girls with Amber laughed and I just kept my head down, what is the point of fighting back when there is three of them and just one of me.

A slap went across my face, Amber then screaming at me, ‘’I’m talking to you slut, you better f*****g answer me when I talk to you!’’

My face was burning, again I kept quiet as I know this game too well, if you speak the beating would be worse.

The bell rang for first class, so I got away with a beating from these three. They wouldn’t dare miss a class, they couldn’t miss out on seeing Leo and his gang or taunting someone else they didn’t like.

‘’Why don’t you just go and kill yourself enabler, you are just a waste of breath on this earth and I’m sure all you are good for is opening your legs to pay for your daddy.’’ Mel, my old friend, whispered in my ear before they walked out to first class. The class I had with them.

I went into the stall and locked the door, sitting down on the lid of the toilet and putting my knees to my chest, I just sobbed. I have thought about the easy way out, I have no one to live for, I’m sure my dad wouldn’t miss me, no one in school would miss me. This isn’t the first time I had been told to do this.

Thinking about the razor blade I have at home and then looking at my wrists I debated with myself for a while. I have never cut myself, but the thoughts have always passed through my mind. To not have to suffer in this world no more. To go and be with my mum. I miss her so much.

I ended up missing a few classes before I could come out of the bathroom, with stiff legs I got up and washed my eyes not caring the foundation washed off and the bruising that has turned a green colour is on show.

I walked out of the bathroom, down the hallway, hearing all the teachers teaching in their classrooms, someone getting told off by a teacher, seeing everyone at their desks learning. Taking everything in.

The walk home seemed to take no time at all. As if I blinked and I was home. Not caring, feeling numb inside I went through the front door. I took in the house with all the lighting coming through the windows. Seeing the house needed a new lick of paint as this paint was fading, the lino in the kitchen starting to wear down, the furniture and the carpet in the living room through to the hallway, is fraying. It was clean in this house as I made sure to keep it clean. My dad may be an alcoholic and neglect me, but I wouldn’t neglect the house I lived in.

I walked up the stairs on autopilot, making it to my room, not even sure if I hit a creaking floorboard. I headed straight to the bathroom, finding the razor I had hidden. My mind and body numb, on auto. I think I have finally snapped. I guess it is time to go. Whatever made me think I could have those dreams, who would help me, who would trust me. The enabler, the abused, the useless. I would never be good for anyone, so why would I be good to think I had a dream. To think anyone anywhere would accept me as a friend.

No this is where it all ends. No more pain, no more bullying, no more thinking. Just be with me mum, be happy and looked after by her. To smell her perfume again, feel her arms wrap around me, my body no protesting on being touched. No bruises, no pain, no being a failure.

Feeling the peace wash over me just thinking about being with my mum and not having all the crap, it gave me the green light it was the right thing to do. I should have done this a while ago. I could have saved myself years of torture.

I went to my closet, sat on the floor, not caring about any of my stuff and cut deep into one wrist, then the next, which was harder to do with the blood and pain of where the blade went. I hope this works.

Feeling the dizziness come over me from the blood coming out, I laid down, a smile on my face. I let the tear drops come out.

‘’Mum, I won’t be long. I can’t wait to be with you. I bet it is beautiful where you are. I love you mum, and soon I will be in your arms again.’’ Closing my eyes, I let the darkness take me. Let my body float to where I had to go. Soon mum, soon.