A Grateful Kind of Love

One

Amy Sixteen Years OldI pull the hot straightener through my thick hair one more time for good measure before calling it good. Studying my reflection in the bedroom mirror, I take extra notice of my sleek auburn locks. I love my hair straight. I have to quiet the voice that reminds me that, the second I step out into the humid June night air, all my straightening efforts will be for naught because these strands are going to frizz up like a clown’s wig.

Okay, hopefully, not that bad.

My phone buzzes on my dresser.

Picking it up, I read the message.

Landon: Outside.

He’s here.

I text back.

Me: One sec.

I grab my phone and slide it in the back pocket of my jean shorts. I take one more swift glance in the mirror. Once satisfied, I turn off my light and quietly slip out of my bedroom before closing the door behind me.

“What are you doing?”

I jump with a yelp.

My hand clings to my chest, and I raise my eyes to find my sister, Lily, standing in the bathroom, her long golden locks pressed to the left side of her head from sleep.

She yawns and asks again, “What are you doing?”

I raise my finger to my lips. My eyes bulging, I urge her to be quiet as I push her into the bathroom and close the door.

“You gotta be quiet, Lil. I don’t want Mom and Dad to wake up.”

Realization flashes across her face as her tired mind wakes up. “Oh, you’re sneaking out,” she whispers before giggling.

“Yeah, so … shh.” I hold my finger to my lips again.

“Where are you going?” she asks.

“Danny Buchanan is having a bonfire party in the field behind his house,” I excitedly tell her. “His parents are out of town.”

“Oh my gosh! You’re going to Danny’s?” she whisper-shrieks, and I chuckle quietly.

Lily’s three years younger than me, but despite our age difference, I confide in her often. She’s acutely aware of my obsession with Danny.

I shake my head.

“How are you getting there?”

“Landon’s outside, waiting for me,” I tell her.

“Is Jax going?” She asks of Landon’s younger brother, her best friend.

“No.” I shake my head. “If he were, you’d have already known.”

“True,” she agrees. “Okay, well, be careful.”

“Of course I will.”

“Don’t forget that creaky floorboard by the door,” she reminds me.

“Oh, right. Can you flush the toilet when I get to the bottom of the stairs? You know, give a little noise distraction just in case I step on the wrong board.”

“Yeah, sure.”

“Okay, I’ll tell you all about it tomorrow.” I grin widely before tiptoeing out of the bathroom.

Just as I enter the kitchen and close in on my escape route, I hear the toilet flush, and I smile. Good job, Lily.

The whole thing is ridiculous, but then again, one can never be too cautious. My mom is a pretty light sleeper.

I run across the front yard and down the road to where Landon is parked.

“Hey, Ames,” he greets me as I hop in. “All good?”

“All good!” I tell him.

“Remember, if you get caught, do not pin this on me,” he says with a chuckle as he speeds off. “I don’t need to piss my dad off any more this week than I already have.”

“Oh no. What’d you do?”

“Just let him in on the fact that I won’t be playing football for Michigan.” He shrugs casually, as if it’s no big deal. But I know that, for Mr. Porter, the fact that his son is not playing football for the University of Michigan is a huge deal, especially after he’s been grooming Landon for greatness since he could hold a football.

“Uh-oh. That conversation must’ve sucked.”

“Yeah, it wasn’t great. But he’ll live. He has Jax after all.”

“That’s true,” I agree.

His younger brother, Jax, was born to play football. He’s amazing. I know that, and I barely understand the sport. He’s so good that I’m sure he’ll play for varsity as a freshman in a year.

“Still, you should’ve waited to tell him until after you were at school. I mean, you’re leaving in less than two months,” I say.

“I know. I should’ve, but he was being a grade-A prick, and I just wanted to stick it to him.” Landon drives down the deserted road.

I’ve known the Porters my whole life. Susie, Landon’s mom, is my mom’s best friend. We do everything with the Porters—holidays, vacations, Sunday dinners. Landon’s basically my older brother. He’s two years older than me, and we’ve always been close. We’re not connected at the hip like my sister, Lily, and his brother, Jax, but they’re the same age and in the same grade, so it’s different for them.

I wipe my palms against my jean shorts as we pull into Danny’s driveway and continue past his house to the field that’s lit up with the light of a huge bonfire. Landon promised that he’d get me to a few parties this summer before leaving for college, yet I’m more anxious than I thought I’d be as we approach my first one.

“Are we late?” I ask, unfamiliar with bonfire etiquette.

“Nah, it will be going late into the night or early into the morning—however you want to look at it. We’re good.” He parks his truck behind some hay bales and turns off the ignition.

Suddenly, I’m incredibly aware that I’m at a party—with alcohol—of mainly graduated seniors who are heading off to their post–high school life soon, and here I am, barely a junior. I feel awkward and out of place, and I haven’t even stepped out of the truck yet.

What was I thinking?

I scan the fire-lit faces of the people hanging out, red Solo cups in hand, and it hits me that almost everyone here has graduated. I know them all because we attend a small country school, but I don’t hang out with any of them.

I grab Landon’s hand. “Landon, I’m nervous. I don’t see anyone from my grade here. Is it weird that I’m here?”

“No way. It’s totally cool. You’re fine. Just hang with me if you feel uneasy.” He pauses and takes me in for a second. “You wanted to come, right?”

“Yeah, I did—I do. I just got weirdly nervous.”

“Don’t be,” he reassures me again. “It’s cool.”

I nod and weakly press my lips together in a smile before stepping out of his truck. Secret parties are on my high school to-do list. They are a rite of passage, one I’m grateful to have Landon walk me through. The social connections built at gatherings like this one will help me throughout high school. Many resumé builders, such as class president, are voted upon by my peers. My high school in Athens, Michigan, is as small town as they come, and I think in communities like ours, social status is even more important somehow.

The sky is dark and full of stars. The song of the crickets echoes all around us, my heart races with each step, and my nerves dance with anticipation as we head toward the glowing fire.

I follow Landon as he makes his way through the people clustered around the area, all talking in their different groups. Landon’s greeted by everyone with cheers. He’s one of those people that everyone loves. He’s class clown meets hot jock, and the combo works well for him.

“Amy Madison!” a voice slurs my name before I feel a hand on my waist. “When did you get so hot?” Clark asks as he grips my side a little harder than what’s comfortable.

I immediately regret my outfit decision. I knew this T-shirt and these shorts were too short and tight, but I didn’t care. I wanted Danny to think I looked hot, but now, I just feel exposed and honestly kind of stupid.

Landon grabs Clark’s wrist and shoves his hand down and away from me. “Don’t f*****g touch her again,” he says in a deep voice, a tone I’m not used to hearing from him.

“Aw, come on, Porter … just having some fun,” Clark says, his words slow.

Landon takes the plastic cup from Clark and dumps it out before dropping it to the ground. “Stop drinking, Clark,” he says before taking my hand. “Come on, Ames.”

Landon leads us over to the keg. He fills a cup up with beer and offers it to me.

I take it. “How many of these before I act like that?” I motion in Clark’s direction.

Landon chuckles. “A lot more than this one. Though, even drunk, you wouldn’t act like that. Clark’s just a dick.”

I nod in agreement and take a sip of the beer. OMG … this stuff is so gross.

My glower toward the liquid in my cup is interrupted by Landon’s laughter. I raise my gaze to meet his.

“That bad?” he asks.

I guess the distaste I carry toward the beer is evident. “Um, I’m not going to lie. It’s freaking disgusting.”

Landon shakes his head; his eyes shine with humor. “It’ll grow on you. It’s an acquired taste.”

“If you say so.” I grimace before taking another sip, which is just as bad as the first.

I follow Landon, and we sit on a bale of hay a few feet away from the fire. The warmer my beverage gets, the grosser it becomes, so I chug it down as quickly as possible.

Landon’s friends come over to chat with him, and he does his best to include me. Honestly, I’m just having fun, taking it all in. Watching people, especially drunk ones, is pretty interesting.

“I thought you were never going to get here,” Cassie, one of Landon’s previous flings, complains as she walks toward us.

“Hey, Cass,” Landon greets her. “You know Amy Madison, right?” He introduces me.

“Sure. Hi, Amy,” Cassie says before turning her attention back to Landon. “Why didn’t you call last night, like you said you would?” she asks him, her voice rising an octave.

“I don’t know. I got busy, I guess,” he tells her.

“I missed you,” she whines, straddling his lap now.

“Cassie.” Landon’s voice carries an air of warning.

She vigorously shakes her head. “Nope. Don’t want to hear it. Listen, I just want to say one thing.”

I suppose I’ll never know what that thing is because she presses her lips against his. His hands wrap around her waist, and he kisses her back before pulling away and apologetically looking at me.

I grin. “It’s okay. I’m just going to go get another beer.”

Landon nods, and as I walk away, I can see them making out in my peripheral vision.

I fill my plastic cup up and chug the disgusting liquid down before filling it up again.

“Slow down there, killer,” Danny freaking Buchanan says, standing in front of me.

I have to stop myself from melting into the dirt below my feet. I giggle uncomfortably.

“Hi,” I say.

“You having a good summer?” he asks.

“Yeah. You?”

“Not bad. I’ve been working a lot, trying to save as much as possible for school, you know?”

I nod as I take in his face, which is so gorgeous that it hurts. “Where are you going?”

“State.”

I raise an eyebrow. “Ah, the enemy.”

“So, you’re a Michigan fan?” He smirks.

I shrug. “Of course. The only way to be.”

No destination is discussed, but we start walking together.

“You know, state’s a good college. I’d even venture to say, it’s a better school in many subject areas,” he tells me.

“Well, I’ve been raised to bleed maize and blue my entire life. You’re not going to convince me otherwise,” I tease.

We stop walking and take a seat on a bale of straw that’s placed away from the main fire and gathering of people.

“How about this?” Danny says. “You like both schools because, after all, they both represent your home state, except, when we play each other, then you’ll obviously root for Michigan. I mean, when we’re not opposing one another in a sport, what does it matter? Right?”

I think over what he said, and it makes sense. “Yeah, I guess that’s true.”

He smiles wide, and it’s perfection. “All right then.”

“What are you going to school for?” I ask.

“I want to be a veterinarian.”

He’s hot, and he wants to save animals. I wouldn’t expect anything less from him.

“I’ve heard State has an amazing vet school,” I tell him.

“They do,” he agrees.

I take a long gulp of the beer. I haven’t acquired the taste as Landon suggested, but I’m starting to taste it less as time passes.

“So, what are your plans for the summer?” Danny asks.

I think for a moment. “Just this and that. Nothing too exciting.” I plan to spend most of the summer lying next to our pool, sunbathing, but I opt not to tell Danny that. It seems immature somehow.

“I’m happy you came tonight, Amy. I was hoping you would.” Danny’s voice is low and ridiculously sexy.

I’m finding it hard to breathe.

I swallow, my throat dry. “Really?” I attempt to make my question strong, but it comes out a little squeaky.

“Really,” he states, lifting his hand to my face. He drags his thumb over my bottom lip. “You’re so beautiful, Amy.”

There’s a good chance that I’m about to die from lack of air, but as Danny’s face moves closer to mine, I know that, if I have to go, it’s going to be with Danny Buchanan kissing me, and I’m more than good with that.

I shiver despite the warmth of the night air. Danny’s face is close enough that I can feel his breath against my skin. I stare into his eyes. They’re set on me and determined.

I shudder, and then I close my eyes in anticipation of the moment that’s going to change my life.

Danny runs his hand through the hair at the nape of my neck and gently pulls my head even closer to his. The soft skin of his lips reaches mine.

This is it.

“Amy!” Landon barks my name from behind me, and I jump.

You’ve got to be kidding me.

Danny’s hand falls from my hair, and we both turn to face Landon.

“Hey, we gotta go,” Landon says abruptly.

“Right now?” I ask, trying to keep my question from sounding like a petulant five-year-old who’s just been told she can’t have an ice cream cone.

“Yes, let’s go,” he says to me. “See ya, Buchanan,” he says to Danny.

Danny clears his throat. “Uh, yeah. See ya, Porter.”

I look toward Danny, somewhat apologetically, somewhat embarrassed. “Bye,” I say quickly before walking to Landon.

I don’t say anything to Landon as I follow him to his truck, but with each step, I become angrier.

Once inside his vehicle, I turn to face him. “What was that all about?” I snap.

“What?” He feigns innocence, and it infuriates me more.

“Why’d you have to come and get me now? We haven’t even been here that long.”

He starts the truck’s engine and backs up before heading out of the field.

“We stayed long enough,” he says matter-of-factly. “Buckle up.”

I snap my seat belt in with a huff and cross my arms in front of my chest. “Landon, why did you do that? You obviously saw that I was about to kiss Danny. You couldn’t have waited two seconds?”

He chuckles. “Two seconds. Yeah, that sounds about right for Danny boy.”

“You know what I mean. Why couldn’t you have waited? You were over there, making out with Cassie, but I’m not allowed to kiss anyone? How is that fair?”

“Life’s not fair, Ames. You just gotta get used to that fact.” He speeds onto the abandoned country road.

“Ugh,” I groan. “I’m so mad at you, Landon. You know I like Danny. I can’t believe you would ruin that for me.”

“Danny’s a player. You don’t want him.”

“You’re a player. Should I have warned Cassie?”

“Cassie knows. She just won’t listen.”

“You don’t know Danny. He’s nice and sweet and …”

“A douche,” Landon finishes my sentence. “You can do better.”

“He is not a douche,” I argue.

“Let me guess. He sweet-talked you? Told you how beautiful you are. Maybe he said something along the lines of how he was hoping you’d show up tonight.”

I don’t respond as I simmer in my cloud of fury.

Landon continues, “I know Danny, Amy. A lot better than you do. He was only interested in you tonight. He wouldn’t have called you tomorrow. What’d you think, that you and he were going to hit it off and spend a romantic summer together before he went off to college and pined over his high school girlfriend while he was away? That’s not the narrative that would’ve played out.”

“You don’t know that,” I grumble under my breath.

“Oh, I do. I know how Danny works. I’ve seen his moves many times before, and I wasn’t going to let him do it to you. You deserve better than a Danny Buchanan, Amy.”

I’m still mad at Landon, but my anger has definitely settled. It’s hard to be too mad at him when I know that, in his mind, he was just looking out for me.

I sigh. “I get that you had good intentions, but you know, I’m going to have to kiss some frogs before I find my prince. That’s life.”

“Maybe so but not on my watch. Plus, you’re only sixteen. You’re not ready for the heartache Danny would have brought.”

“I’m almost seventeen,” I reply sullenly.

“Doesn’t change anything.”

A few moments later, he’s pulling off to the side of the road by the cornfield next to my house where he picked me up what seems like only minutes ago.

“You good?” he asks.

“Yeah. I’m still pissy, but I guess I’ll live.”

He grins. “That you will, Ames. So, I’ll see you tomorrow at dinner. Don’t get caught, sneaking back in.”

“I won’t.” I look to my friend who I’ve known my entire life, and I know he cares. I suppose, with a face like Danny’s, he’s bound to be a womanizing douche bag. “Thanks for looking out for me tonight, I guess.”

“You’re welcome.” Landon laughs. “I’m only here for the summer, but I promise to cockblock you at every turn until I leave for college. After that, you’re on your own.”

“Awesome,” I say, my voice thick with sarcasm.

“Ames, don’t try to grow up so fast. High school guys just want one thing, and it isn’t a meaningful relationship.”

“Are you serious right now? Are you my friend or my dad?” I shake my head. “You were literally in high school, like, two weeks ago.”

“And that’s why I know.” He smiles and shoots me a wink.

“You’re crazy.” I chuckle. “Anyway, thanks for the ride.”

“Bye.”

“Bye.”

I quickly make it inside without making a sound.

As I lie down in bed, I think about my what-could’ve-been with Danny Buchanan. So close.

Landon’s lucky that he’s so important to me. If he were anyone else, I would’ve killed him. Deep down, I know that perhaps he was right, but it doesn’t make the fact that I was so close to making out with Danny, only to have it ripped away from me, sting any less.