Little Ole Me

Right Now

Currently, I am looking at a door knob. It's really all I have to look at when I'm in my room. I can hear him out there, the flickering of lighters lighting cigarettes and melting cocaine and heroin. I can smell the mix of fumes and I can't help but to feel sick from it. Not the kind of sick like I'm going to throw up, but the kind of sick that has me questioning how the f**k I got here. How I let myself live like this and just take it. 

The door opens and there he stands, my husband, Tyler. 6 foot 7 inches tall, 195 pounds, white tank top and black basketball shorts hanging just slightly off his hips. I catch myself admiring him for just a minute until I get snatched up by my hair and thrown onto the bed. I screech and then hold my breath waiting to see what it going to happen. 

"Shut the f**k up and don't move" Tyler hollers at me. I just nod. I watch him walk into the bathroom. I hear him piss, then flush. I just sit there looking around. I have no idea what time it is. He doesn't allow me to leave the closet very often. The sunlight feels good, even just the very slim light on my leg. There are needles and spoons and lighters on just about every surface of the room, its terrifying. 

And he's back. He looks at me so mischievously before turning on the radio. Some s**t song comes on, it's probably popular in the world but I wouldn't know. He walks over to the bed and I say "can I help you". He instantly spits back and says "for your sake, you better hope so" 

After he says this, I just instantly know where this is heading. Its typically the same situation, if I'm good. He starts my hold my hands up and pinning them on the bed, kissing my neck almost how a sexy moment between a real couple happens. If I let him do whatever he wants to me, he wont hurt me as bad. If I try to fight back, things escalate very fast. 

After the kissing, he looks up at me and slaps me. Ringing. All I hear is a constant ringing. I scream and he pins me down with his body weight and tells me to be a good little girl. All I can do is quietly cry because if I make a noise he will just hit me again. 

He covers my mouth and tells me to take my shorts and panties off, and I do because I know better than to say no. After I slide them off, he pulls his d**k out and brings it closer to my mouth. "Spit on it" he grunts. I couldn't, I didn't have enough saliva from being so dehydrated so he spits on it instead. He runs his fingers from my ankles up to my hips before grabbing my knees and pulling them open. I give him a hard time so he just shoves it in me, no remorse for my pain. It hurts so bad, the in an out, faster and faster until he cums in me. 

Tyler looks at me like he is disgusted. I ask him "did I do something wrong?" He snaps back "well you didnt do anything right, did you?" I dont know what to say so I just sit there. He shoves me off of the bed and tells me to go shower. I love showers. I feel like I can wash all of this life style off of me. I can hear him crushing a pill on the dresser, I ask if I can have a line and he surprisingly says yes. I do the line and go shower and it's so great. Being high and washing myself off. He leans into the bathroom and tells me to hurry the f**k up, that he's got something waiting for me. The thought makes me cringe.