The Ignored Wolf

She's Gone

Elias

I’m in deep trouble.

Ever since Louise left, I’ve been staring at the ceiling. I can’t fall asleep. Every time I close my eyes, I see her. I feel her. I remember the way she trembled under me, how she tried to swallow her moans before finally surrendering, shattering as she screamed my name as she came.

I’m hard again. Aching. I sit up, frustrated, and storm into the bathroom. I lean against the cool tiles and close my eyes, imagining her pressed there, while I take her from behind. I can almost feel my hands gripping her hips, my weight pinning her as I pound into her.

"Mine," I growl into the empty room as I release, my seed hitting the wall. It’s a goddamn pity. If I could have come inside her, knotted her, let her carry my pups.

I turn on the shower to wash away the evidence, then dry off and crawl back into bed. Her scent is still here. It’s everywhere. I take a deep breath, and like a pathetic, lovesick teenager, I bury my face in the pillow where her head rested. I inhale her greedily.

She’s barely been gone an hour, and I already miss her. I want her back. I want to hold her while she sleeps.

Fuck.

I’m scared. I’m terrified of this feeling, this desperate, gnawing need to have her near me.

Louise has no idea that when she turned to leave, I almost reached out and grabbed her hand. I nearly begged her to stay. But I held back. I watched her go, then stared at that closed door like an i***t.

I bury my face in my palms. All I can see is the look on her face before she walked out. That glance over her shoulder. It was a mess of disappointment, confusion, and hope. I know she was waiting for me to regret it, to ask her to stay. I easily recognise that because other shewolves have given me that look, and it always just annoyed me. But time is different, feeling like a physical blow to the chest. I wanted to drag her back, wrap her in my blankets, and never let her go. Like finding a bruised, beautiful stray and wanting to hide it from the world.

Fuck, f**k, f**k. I’m such an asshole.

I get up, walk out to the balcony, and light a cigarette. I lean against the railing, taking a long drag, letting the nicotine buzz through my frayed nerves.

She’s just another woman, I tell myself. You’ve seen a thousand of them. They’re all the same. She’ll forget you, and you’ll forget her. No big deal.

The smoke drifts into the night air, and I see her tear-filled eyes again. I’ve never known what to do with a woman’s tears. I usually can't stand the drama. But with her, my body moved faster than my brain. I pulled her in. I patted her back like a clumsy mutt.

It felt so f*****g awkward. It wasn't lust, and it wasn't even possessiveness. It was something else. Something that died a long time ago, suddenly twitching back to life.

I take another drag, trying to suffocate the feeling.

No. I’m not doing this. I’m not trusting anyone again.

"You okay?" Lionel, my wolf, rumbles in the back of my mind.

"Just fine," I snap.

Lionel is silent for a moment, not buying the lie. "The girl is hot, but she’s nothing special, Elias. You’ll forget her soon enough."

"No," I mutter with a bitter half-smile. "I won't."

"Why?" he asks, sounding surprised.

"Because I’ve already tried, Lionel. From the second she walked out, I’ve been trying to erase her. And I can’t. That broken scream she made when she came, it’s still ringing in my ears. I’m starving to hear it again but I forgot to ask for her number and address." I sigh, watching the cherry of my cigarette glow.

"Not a big deal. Amy can help us track her down. She’s a pro."

"Yeah, and she would laugh her head off knowing I am so obsessed with Louise."I grunt."Do you think this impulse can pass? Maybe I wanted her just because she was pretty. And she was Charlie’s. I figured making my golden-boy brother lose his date was just a bonus."

"Typical move."

"Yeah." I flick the ash into the wind. "She was on the verge of a total breakdown. Charlie’s a prick, Cassandra is a snake, and her parents are worse. She was like a kitten that’s been kicked one too many times, shivering in the corner."

"So you played the hero," Lionel says.

"Right." I pause. "But I didn't expect..."

"Expected what?"

I stare into the darkness, searching for the words. "She tasted too good," I say finally. "And it wasn't just the s*x. I’m drawn to her. To who she is."

"What does that mean?" Lionel is confused. He’s a wolf, and he doesn't understand anything beyond the hunt and the heat.

"She’s resilient," I say.

"She cried the whole time," Lionel counters.

I don't like the contempt in his voice. "Tears don't mean she’s weak, Lionel. She looks fragile, sure, but she feels like a prize-fighter to me."

"How the hell did you get that impression? Are you blind?"

"I mean she’s been knocked down a thousand times, and she still drags herself back up."

I think of the way she looked at me when she asked why I was being nice to her. That confusion, that "I don't deserve this" self-doubt. I didn't even do that much. Any decent person would have taken her out of that shitty lounge. But to her, a little bit of kindness felt like a miracle. That means everyone else in her life has treated her like garbage.

What the hell has she been through all these years?

"f**k. You’re in deep."

"Maybe," I mutter.

"So what now? You going to go after her? Chase her down?"

"No," I tell him firmly.

"Why not?"

"Because of Ashley."

The name makes Lionel let out a mournful whimper.

I met Ashley at a dive bar near the border while I was still serving. She was a bartender with eyes that looked like a harbor and a laugh that could cut through the thickest smoke. She was exactly my type—sharp, beautiful, and possessing a hidden softness that I’d been starving for. What starts as a standard one-night stand quickly spirals into something neither of us can stop.

For three months, the war outside stops existing. For the first time in my life, I think I’ve found a home. Not a pack, not a title, but a home. We spend our nights tangled in sheets, whispering about a future that doesn't involve silver or blood. We plan a wedding. I even have the ring tucked away in my footlocker, a golden promise waiting for the right moment. I’m ready to stop running. I’m ready to be a man instead of a weapon.

But that beautiful illusion shatters the day she drives a silver dagger into my chest.

Literally.

I’m not prepared for the biting, unnatural cold of the blade. It sinks into my skin, missing my heart by a mere three centimeters. The physical pain is nothing compared to the sight of her hand on the hilt.

I stare at her, the taste of iron filling my mouth, my mind refusing to process the reality. "Why?" I choke out. "Why would you do this?"

Ashley is a wreck, tears streaming down her face, her hands trembling as she holds the weapon that’s killing me. "I’m so sorry, Elias," she sobs, her voice a fractured mess. “The rogue leader has my little brother. I had to do it. I didn't have a choice—”

The deafening thunderclap of a gunshot cuts her off.

Her words stop dead. Her eyes go wide, staring past me at something I can’t see, and then she collapses. As she falls, I see Matthew standing in the doorway, his face a mask of pure horror, his hands still shaking as he grips his service pistol. I can’t even find it in me to blame him. If I’d seen someone plunging a blade into his chest, I’d have pulled the trigger without a second thought, too.

"I love you, Elias," Ashley whispers.

She doesn’t look sad anymore. As she reaches up to brush her trembling fingers against my cheek, she looks relieved. Like the burden of the lie has finally been lifted. "I’m so sorry. Please... can you forgive me?"

"Of course," I gasp, reaching out to catch her hand, my own blood slicking the sheets between us. "Just stay. Don't leave me, Ashley! Don't you dare leave me!"

She gives me a weak, ghostly smile, her breath rattling in her chest. "It’s okay, Elias. You’re a good man. I failed you. Maybe the Moon Goddess is just settling the score."

"No, no, no—"

"Please," she gasps, her grip on my hand failing, "take care of my little brother. Find him."

"Okay. Okay, I will," I promise, leaning in close, desperate to catch her last words. "What’s his name? Ashley, tell me his name!"

But the light in her eyes is already gone.

"Ashley!"

Matthew is on me in an instant, his hands firm and frantic as he pins me back against the pillows. "Don’t move, Elias! You’re losing too much blood. We have to get this blade out, we have to—"

I see his lips moving. I know he’s screaming for a medic, screaming for help, but the world is tilting on its axis. The sounds around me fade into a dull, underwater hum. A heavy darkness starts at the edges of my vision and begins to swallow everything. The blood, the gunsmoke, and the face of the only woman I ever dared to love.

My head lolls back, the weight of the silence pulling me under, and I finally spiral into the black.

That trauma stayed with me. It’s the reason I have nightmares where I wake up screaming, feeling the silver bite into my chest. Once, after a one-night stand, I woke up from that dream and nearly strangled the woman next to me before I realized where I was.

Since then, I don't do sleepovers. I don't do mornings. One night. Leave before dawn, or make them leave. No traces. No names. Nothing that can get close enough to hurt me.

And yet, look at what Louise did to me. I broke every rule for her. I let her on my bike. I brought her into my private space. Amy saw it instantly. f**k her for being so sharp.

How can I even think about a relationship with a girl like Louise? It’s terrifying.

"Maybe you should try," Lionel suggests. "Maybe she’s different."

"How do you know?" I snap. "How do you know she isn't just another Ashley?"

"I don't," he retorts. "But I know you want her."

"The impulse will pass," I say, my knuckles turning white as I grip the railing.

"Are you sure about that?"

"I said drop it!" I growl, blocking him out.

My head is a war zone. One voice calls me a coward. Another says I’m protecting her. A man like me will only end up ruining a girl like her. A third voice just wants her back in my bed.

I take a deep breath of the night air.

Louise, Louise, what the hell am I supposed to do with you?