Entangled in Lust

7. A Secret Exposed?

My secret relationship with Lucas kept getting deeper. There was a certain thrill in hiding how we felt—from friends, from teachers, from Jessica. Especially Jessica. Sometimes I felt guilty, but I couldn’t stop. It was like tasting something forbidden. The more I realized it was wrong, the more I was drawn to it.

We were used to communicating through notes tucked into books or simple emojis in short messages. But meeting outside school? That made everything feel more real. More intoxicating.

That day, we agreed to meet at the mall. The excuse I gave my father? Group study. But in my head, all I wanted was to see Lucas. To feel his hand holding mine again. That smile. That look in his eyes.

I spotted him near the escalator, holding two cold drinks. My eyes instinctively searched for something—was he wearing the watch I gave him last week? He was. My heart bloomed.

"Strawberry or chocolate?" he asked.

I took the chocolate one. “You always remember.”

He smirked—that familiar Lucas smile that made my chest flutter. “Just a little reminder... I’m yours, right?”

What we didn’t know was that someone else was watching us that day.

Ashley.

She had just dropped off her cousin for a language course and happened to see me with Lucas. I had no idea she decided to follow us. No idea she saw us holding hands, entering the movie theater. No idea she saw Lucas kiss my temple before the doors closed.

Inside the cinema, I leaned against Lucas’s shoulder. We held hands, and I don’t think I had ever felt this close to anyone. In the middle of the trailers, I whispered,

"What if Jessica and everyone at school find out? I’m not ready to lose my best friend. But I don’t want to break up with you either."

Lucas kissed the top of my head. “Don’t worry. I’ll be right here with you through it all.”

I nodded gently, trying to convince myself that his words were enough.

After the movie, we walked casually to the food court. We picked a table tucked in the corner, not knowing Ashley was just two tables away, silently listening.

I stirred the pasta in front of me, not really hungry.

“I’ve been thinking... is it really safe to keep dating in secret?” I asked.

Lucas turned to me with a small smile. “I don’t mind people knowing I’m your boyfriend and you’re mine. But if it’s not the right time yet, we’ll just be extra careful.”

“What if Jessica and Ashley find out? I care about them... I really do.”

He looked at me seriously. “If you keep putting everyone else’s feelings first, when will you think about your own?”

I went quiet. Somehow, his words stung more than I expected.

Not far from us, Ashley stood from her seat and quietly walked away, leaving without a word, while Lucas and I remained in our little world.

“Luc,” I said softly, “You’ve never really told me much about your family.”

He glanced at me. “Mom’s busy. Dad works out of town. I’m usually alone. Maybe that’s why... I feel comfortable with you.”

I gave him a faint smile. “I want to meet your family someday.”

Lucas paused before answering, “You will. When the time’s right.”

Evening crept in as he drove me home. His car slowed in front of my house.

“Wanna come in for a bit? Chat with my family?” I offered.

He shook his head. “I’d love to, but I have to pick up my mom at the airport.”

“Really? Why not bring me along?” I asked casually, though deep inside, I was hoping.

“I thought you might be tired from spending the whole day with me. And you know it’s not time yet to let others know about us,” he said gently. “We’re still a secret, right?”

I nodded. I think he had a point. But part of me still believed it wouldn’t be a big deal if our parents knew. It’s not like they’d go around spreading gossip at school.

After he left, I went upstairs and opened my journal.

“It feels like flying and falling all at once. I love him, but I’m scared. Scared of losing him, scared of hurting others. But… why does happiness feel so wrong?”

A few hours later, Papa knocked on my door. I had just finished brushing my hair.

“Sweetheart,” he said from outside. “Get ready. We’re having dinner out.”

I opened the door. He was all dressed up.

“What’s the occasion?” I asked.

“Family dinner. Gabriel’s coming. Your mom too. Uncle Ben... and Tristan.”

My breath hitched. “Tristan?”

“Yes,” Papa replied calmly. “Come on. Don’t keep them waiting.”

I didn’t respond right away. My head was spinning. Tristan wasn’t just a name. He was a wound that hadn’t healed. And now... I’d be sitting across from him?

“Okay, Papa,” I finally said, then closed the door slowly.

I stood in front of the mirror, staring at my reflection.

The day wasn’t over, but the pain had already begun.

And the night hadn’t started, but it loomed like a shadow waiting at the door.

-------

I kept thinking about that moment in the theater. Resting my head on his shoulder as the lights dimmed. His hand wrapped around mine like everything was fine. But inside me, a storm was brewing. I tried to focus on the screen, but my mind drifted to Jessica’s face, Ashley’s laughter, the promises we made in middle school to always be honest. And now I was keeping something this big from them.

Does that make me a coward? Or just a girl trying to protect something that made her feel alive?

When we were eating, I watched Lucas’s eyes closely. Behind his calm, I sensed something unresolved. Maybe he was scared too. Scared of losing me. But he was better at hiding it.

After he left and I walked past the living room, my eyes caught my father’s work chair. I imagined if he knew I was in love. Would he be angry? Or proud that I was figuring out the world on my own? I couldn’t tell. Feelings like these are too complicated to explain.

I reopened my journal and wrote:

“Loving Lucas isn’t a crime. But why does it feel like I’m stealing something from the world? I want to be happy, but I’m afraid of the price I might have to pay.”

I rested my head on the pillow, eyes tracing the ceiling.

Sometimes I wonder, why can love hurt this much—even when it hasn’t ended? Maybe because I’m holding it too tightly. Or maybe because deep down, I know this thing we have... might not survive once the world finds out.

And now, Papa says Tristan’s coming to dinner. I don’t know how I’ll make it through.

The man I quietly suspected of being the reason my mother changed. The man I once saw standing too close in the kitchen while she sliced fruit. The man who made me want to scream, but I didn’t know who to tell.

I walked to my closet. Reached for a dark dress I usually saved for formal family occasions. But tonight didn’t feel like dinner.

It felt more like I was heading to an execution.

-------

God, I hate this feeling. Like I’m sneaking around with a bomb strapped to my chest, smiling like nothing’s wrong.

Maybe I’m overthinking. Maybe I’m always overthinking. But something tells me things are about to explode, and I don’t know where to run when they do.

I wish I could freeze time in that theater, on that seat, with Lucas’s hand in mine and my head against his shoulder. Where no one judged me. Where Jessica didn’t exist. Where Ashley didn’t see. Where I wasn’t the bad friend.

But the world keeps turning, and I’m still me—half girl, half guilt.

And dinner’s waiting downstairs, with names I’d rather forget.