Three Little Birds

Two Steps Forward Three Steps Back Pt. 3

"I'm so in love with you, Mattie. Not for your body, but for you. And..." he paused and looked to his sister before meeting my gaze, as I looked to him when he stopped talking. "I've never felt this way before. Not...not with Kaiden, not with anyone. And...with as much as Kaiden's death about destroyed me, Mattie, I don't think I could survive losing you. In any form."

I watched as tears fell unbidden from his eyes and he made no move to brush them away.

Liz still dragged her fingers through my hair, calming me. "I love you, too, Mattie. I've grown pretty attached to you these last few years, huh. Sitting out on the swing with you in the mornings is my favorite time of my day. I'll be sad the day you two get your own place and move out."

For some reason, I didn't understand the thought frightened me. At that moment I couldn't imagine leaving.

"I don't want to move any time soon," I told her in a gentle voice that was still rough and laden with surfaced emotion.

She leaned forward and kissed my temple, smoothing the hair from my face before whispering to me that I never had to leave until I was ready. I told her then that I'd never leave, and at that moment I meant it more than I'd ever meant anything.

She was my first friend. My first taste of love and safety and home, and I never wanted to be without it. Without her close enough that a calling of her name would bring her forth.

"Looks like you'll have us for the foreseeable future, Lizard," Mykel said softly, a hint of amusement at the name. I could hear his grin through the word.

"I'm not a lizard. And I wouldn't have it another way. My Mattie and my Monkey."

I smiled, a small laugh escaping me, and I nuzzled further into her side.

"Oh, what was that? Was that a laugh I heard?" Liz walked her fingertips down my rib cage and I wriggled within her grasp like a worm on a hook. I heard Liz laughing at my reaction and in turn Mykel. She tickled me until I was begging her to stop.

She did stop, eventually, and I smiled up at her as she smiled down at me.

"I just wanted to make you laugh, love." She swiped tickle-crazed hair from my eyes. "I love you. It's alright to feel afraid. Sometimes fear isn't logical. Let it work itself out. Then you'll find one day that you aren't afraid anymore and you won't even realize when it happened. 

"But within your fears, keep in constant reminding that you're safe. You're loved. And you're wanted just as much as you're needed. And we'll both remind you of that. You're home now, my love."

"Thank you, Liz. Both of you." As I sat up, I pulled Mykel to me and drew them both in. They hugged me and we hugged each other as if this circle of three unified a family by blood and circumstantial bond.

At that moment I felt a heavy weight abandon my chest, and I could breathe freely.

I disengaged myself from Liz and Mykel and sat up. I leaned over and gently kissed her cheek.

"Thank you. For everything. You have no idea what you've done for me."

"You've done more than you know for me as well, Mattie, love."

I smiled gently at her teary tone and the palm she gently pressed to my cheek. I kissed it.

"We'll talk about that one day. But I'm exhausted." I looked at Mykel then. "Take me to bed?"

He nodded not saying anything. I knew where his mind was going. I hadn't responded to him earlier, and it sprouted seeds of doubt.

As Liz bid her goodnight, she handed Mykel something and he half-smiled. As she closed her bedroom door, I interlaced our fingers and he led me upstairs.

"Do you want--" 

"No." He looked surprised at my vehement interruption. I dragged him into my room and pulled him under the covers with me.

I kissed him then, long and hard and with all the passion I could muster. "I've lived without you once. I never want to do it again. I love you, too, Mykel. I'm so in love with you it terrifies me to my very core. But I know that I love you and I know that I need you, and I know that I don't ever want to be without you." I kissed him again, softly this time, feather-light and full of both terror and promise. "I'll give you my heart, Mykel if you promise not to break it. It's already so shattered as it is...I don't think it could handle anymore."

Mykel looked me in the eyes a moment before bringing his lips to mine. 

"I give you this vow, here, tonight. I can't always promise things will be easy. But what I do swear to you Mattie, is that I'll spend my life proving to you how much you mean to me. I'll always try to make you as happy as you make me, though I don't know how I could.

"I'll try, though. Most importantly, Mattie, I love you. I'm in love with you. That means I'll never raise my hand at you in anger. I love you, but I don't own you, and I won't try and control you."

I scooted closer to him, nuzzling into his neck as his arm wound around me. "Just keep me safe. I never knew what safe could feel like until the first time I was in your arms."

He kissed my forehead and I could feel his lips smiling, and I fell asleep with his promise filling my heart.

It was four days later that Mykel came home later than normal, finding Liz and I bundled under an electric blanket on the back swing, huddled into one another, smoking a blunt.

"You maniacs. Why then hell are you out here?" There was a laugh in his question, his eyes bright.

"This is our spot," Liz said matter-of-fact as if he should already know this.

"Well get inside, both of you, before you freeze."

"That's what the electric blanket is for, Mykel."

I smiled at her. "Come on, Liz. Let's go inside."

"Alright, so what are you so excited about?" Liz asked once we were all back in the house. 

"The shop is done. I open next week!" Mykel's eyes sparkled with excitement and he bounced on the balls of his feet.

"That's f*****g awesome!" Liz shouted, a smile spreading across her face in delight. "I'm so proud of you!" 

Liz threw her arms around his neck and hugged him, squealing when he spun her around.

He set her down with an ornery glint and he laughed when she smacked him. "Asshat. I hate when you pick me up. So when can we see this mystery shop of yours?"

"We can head over there Saturday when you're off next. I want you to see it before it opens next Monday."

Mykel turned to me then, his smile bright and his expression happy. I kissed him.