6 HOURS

SUCKER PUNCH

It was 4PM, and I was sitting in a corner of the famous Chikenza Park in Kano. My plane had landed in Aminu Kano International Airport four and a half hours ago, and I was still not ready to go home. I was waiting for it to get dark. Somehow, I felt facing Hanan when it was night would make it easier for me to bear the guilt. I couldn't even bring myself to tell her to pick me up at the airport. That would have been too much for me. I was literally in deep s**t… deep deep f*cking s**t.

What really scared the cajones out of me was the way she had spoken to me on the phone yesterday. So cool. Scary cool. Our last communication had been via w******p chat:

"About to board" I typed

"Alright my love. I wish you a safe flight" she replied, then… "Want me to pick you up?"

"No thanks. I'll find my way home. Have to check in at the office first" I typed.

"Okay baby, Allah Ya sauke ku lafiya"

"Amin, thank you", I typed.

Cool and scary.

Frankly, I would have preferred an angry confrontation, or a yelling fit. But how she spoke on the phone was too cool, too composed for my comfort. How she responded to my chats was also very sinister. Nobody needed to tell me that I was in a dangerous situation. A lot of men had been sent to meet their Maker for far less, and oh boy! I was not ready to die. Not yet… not yet.

After much contemplation, I called my friend to confess my predicament. Usman had been a friend for the past twenty years. He was my best man, and I was his during our weddings. We were close to each of our wives, and there was no better person to open up to.

"Honestly bro, I want my marriage to work. I love my wife. She’s a good person, you know that. She’s a good partner and the most fantastic mother to my kids. I can't afford to lose her gaskiya", I told Usman.

"I understand all that. But how do you manage this problem?", Usman asked. "I don't think it's a question of whether you love Hanan or not… or whether you don't want your marriage to crash. The real question is, how do you make Hanan forgive you? And don't kid yourself it's gonna be easy. The only thing I can comfort you about is that I know she is not gonna kill you".

I looked àt him and he looked at me. Then we bursted out laughing.

"Right now I don't appreciate your sense of humor", I told him and laughed again.

"If it was Aisha, wallahi I won't even go back home", he said, referring to his wife. "That woman is so jealous, I think she has some kind of psychological imbalance. Do you know how many times I've caught her going through my phone while I slept?"

"So what are you suggesting?", I asked impatiently.

"You don't have an option than to man up and go home. The way I see it, you have two options. (1) immediately you get her into your room, kneel down and beg and beg and beg for forgiveness like your life depends on it- which it does anyway, or (2) you play it cool if she plays it cool. Just chill, be extra nice, don't go out, don't be bossy, don't rock the boat for a long time. Buy her gifts, buy stuff for her family… ka gane? Be her slave. Go out of your way to be nice. If you're lucky, with time, everything will die naturally. That's what I think", Usman said.

I listened to him attentively, and it seemed to me like he was making a lot of sense. Anyway, whatever my decision, I had to go home. We left Chikenza together in his car, and he drove me home. The time was 7PM. He dropped me off, wished me luck and drove off. I carried my bag and walked towards my house like a sheep to the slaughter.

I knocked and said "Salam Alaikum".

My wife's sister Ameera came to open the door. As soon as I stepped into my sitting room, the twins jumped me.

"Daddyyyyyyyyyyy!!!", they both chorused in their excitement.

I had never left them for a day in their short lifetime, and they missed their daddy so much. I missed them too, and squated to hold them tight to my chest. Deep down, I also knew instinctively that these kids could be the only lifeline I had in this marriage.

"Sannu da zuwa", Ameera said.

"Thank you, how are you?", I asked.

"I'm fine Sir", she answered.

"Where is she?", I asked, referring to Hanan.

"Daddy!"Hassan responded, "she is in the kitchen preparing your best food! She said we're going to celebrate!".

"Celebrate what?" I asked.

Hanan came out of the kitchen right then and said, "Celebrate your coming home mana… Or is it a crime?"

She came over and gave me a hug. I hugged back self consciously, not sure what her game was or how to react. This was out of character. Hanan never displayed her affection for me in public, how much more in the presence of our kids and her younger sister.

"I miss you so much", she whispered into my ear.

"I miss you too", I replied.

I left her in apprehension, wonderment and fear. I felt like a stranger in my own house. What was Hanan planning? It was quite okay, sitting in Chikenza with Usman and planning the moves. This was for real, and I didn't even know what to expect from her. So many stories of men being killed by their wives were all over the place. These women were known as Black Widows.

The truth is once a woman has determined that her husband must die, then I'm sorry, Romeo Must Die.

While I was in the bathroom, my mind flew over possibilities and scenarios. Would it be the slow poison in my food? Was that the reason she was preparing my favorite food? Would she wait until I was asleep? Most Black Widows killed their husbands while they were asleep. Since men were far stronger and more physically aggressive, the one time she could safely get rid of him was when he was asleep and couldn't defend himself. Then she would put up self defense as her escape plan.

But not my Hanan. She couldn't be a killer. No way. But jealousy was a bad and dangerous emotion that could hijack a person's mind and, in extreme cases, lead to murder.

And even if the Black Widow did not help her man off the earth, jealousy could murder the love in her heart. This was a choice between the devil and the deep blue sea.

I finished from the bathroom and got ready for dinner. It was colorful and filled with laughter and jokes between Hanan, myself and our twins. Much later, the kids went to bed and it was time to also turn in. With my heart in my mouth, I climbed our bed and closed my eyes, pretending to be tired and sleepy. After she had finished clearing up and taken her bath, Hanan wore a very sexy nightgown (my favorite), and joined me in bed.

"Babe are you sleeping?" She asked

Here we go, I thought. "Hmmmmm… No, I was waiting for you", I said.

I turned to face her. She looked at me for a long time, then said, "I missed you very much".

So she was going to play it cool, I thought. Okay plan (b), here we go. "I missed you too".

She came closer and we started to kiss. It took me by surprise, because Hanan was the shy and timid type. She was never aggressive during the monkey business, but the passion she unleashed left me breathless. She was totally uninhibited, touching me in a way she had never done before. It got me going. I responded in kind, and soon we were both breathing heavily, and I was aroused in a way I have never been since the early days of our marriage.

As I made a move for action, she held my hand and shook her head at me.

"What is it?", I asked, blinded with desire, my heart pounding in my ears.

"Babe will you do me a favor please?" She asked softly.

"Anything you want, Mai Twins".

Then she said something that shocked the passion and lust out of me the way a switch turns darkness into light.

"Will you come with me to the hospital tomorrow? Will you have an HIV and STD test before we do anything again?"

Immediately she said this, a book I've read long ago came like a flashback into my mind.

"A guy who thinks he's safe is wide open for a sucker punch. Just when he least expects it—wham! and he's down on his back, only he has something a damn sight worse coming to him than a busted jaw."

Hanan had just delivered me the sucker punch!