6 HOURS

THE PHOBIA

It was finally Friday, and Hanan was taking me to the airport after dropping the kids off at school. Ours was the first flight to Abuja that morning and I didn't want to miss it for any reason.

As far back as I could remember, I have always had a horror of flying. Aerophobia. My first experience was over a decade ago, and I ended up peeing in my pants. This was absolutely nothing to be ashamed of: it was no different from the personal fears of other things that very many people have. While something scared you, the same thing could be fun for others. I even had a horror for heights. Acrophobia. Then imagine me in an airplane, seeing people and cars and trees and houses turn to dots, then disappear from my vision. That literally scared the living daylights out of me.

I remembered an incident that caused total pandemonium and chaos during one of the local government elections in my ward. A group of women waiting to cast their vote, were seated under a nim-tree, resting and gossiping. Suddenly two fully grown agama lizards were racing like crazy, one in a hot pursuit of the other. After a while, the hunted lizard set its bearings in the direction of the tree. I guessed it wanted to climb in order to escape the hunter. Oh my God! The way the women shrieked, shouted and jumped, closing their skirts and wrappers in the process was no man's business. Maybe some of them thought it was a snake, I could never tell. But the whole stampede led to a little girl fainting, and someone lost their phone. I could never understand why women were so scared of lizards. Maybe they thought the reptiles were dangerous? Or that the reptiles could crawl into places they weren't supposed to be? I still don't know. Anyway, that was Herpetophobia.

One of my small nieces could never sleep with the lights off. Even if there was no electricity, my sister had to put on a rechargeable flashlight before she could sleep… and allow everyone else to sleep in peace. It did not matter how deeply she slept, once the electricity went off, she would wake up screaming. The condition is an extreme fear of darkness that can even cause anxiety and depression if not properly managed. Nyctophobia.

Back to little old me. Whenever I was in the air, the term "my life is in God's Hands" always became crystal clear to me.

I had tried so many things to get rid of my Aerophobia. I tried to understand some basic things about how an aeroplane worked and what happened during a flight. All to no avail. My brother, while in the air, I was yellow right through my marrow.

Then I sought spiritual help. Prayers always worked wonders, and there were many prayers to recite whenever one was on a journey. I memorized them all, but still no change. Anyway, last-last my life was in God's Hands.

In one of the books I read about airplanes, it was stated categorically that accidents involving aircrafts were extremely rare. Yeah right… I thought. The fatal thing about a plane crash was when it happens, it has happened. The writer kept on trying to convince me on how air travel was the safest form of transportation, bla bla bla. Imagine, I thought again, why was he sounding like a motivational speaker? Once I have strapped in, I usually closed my eyes and prayed. I kept praying until we hit the tarmac.

We finally reached the airport, and after the teary eyed "I'm gonna miss you-i love you-i love you too-I'm gonna miss you too", and the kisses that came with it all, I picked my luggage and stood back to watch Hanan drive away. She waved, blew a kiss at me and drove slowly out of the airport. I blew a kiss back and watched until she disappeared from my view, then I picked my bag and sauntered into the departure lounge. The time was a few minutes before nine o'clock. I was right on time.

I immediately brought out my Undercover Phone and switched it on. While it was booting, I sat down and waited for our flight to be called. I also discovered that I was hungry. As soon as the phone finally came fully on, a flood of messages and chats popped in. I went to my w******p and saw Muhibba's messages.

"Are you at the airport already? I've been trying your phone since."

The message was sent about twenty minutes ago. I checked and saw she was still online. I guessed she must have seen the green tick, because I saw her typing.

"Just got to the airport now", I typed. "About to board any minute now"

"I'm gonna miss you baby", she typed.

"We will soon be together Muhibba", I typed.

"I wish we were going together. Babe why didn't you arrange it? It'll have been so much fun", she typed.

"True baby. I can't wait for tomorrow. I miss you too", I typed.

hahahaha… she sent.

"What's so funny?" I asked

"Baby I just saw something hilarious! Lemme send to you" she typed.

She then sent a screenshot of a chat, supposedly between an ex-girl and her ex-guy. It went like this;

Girl : Baby I am pregnant…

Boy: (Silent)

Girl : Hello, are you there?

Boy : Owner of this phone is dead, did you know him?

Girl : You're a liar!

Girl : Don’t try to fool me… I know your handwriting very well…

Hilarious!

"Very funny!", I typed back

"Just so you know, if you get me pregnant I'll have the baby", she typed.

I went silent.

"Hello babe, you're quite" she typed.

"The owner of this phone lost it. Do you know him?" I typed

"Stop lying! Don't try to fool me! Don't you know I know your handwriting very well?" She typed.

Very funny.

"Baby they've called our flight. Let me go and board. I'll let you know when we land. Okay?" I typed

"Alright dear… miss you, and safe flight", she typed.

I opened up my original phone and also told my wife and siblings that I was about to board. They all wished me a safe flight.

Twenty five minutes later, we were airborne.