Chapter Three: Hiding The Truth.
1020 Words
As weeks turned into months and I realized my growing belly was now becoming noticeable, I planned on what to do next. I started wearing loose clothes and staying indoors at home.
Despite all these efforts it was still very hard to conceal my pregnancy. I could see the curiousness of my family's eyes on me.
Every day became an anxious investigation, as I always checked the mirror adjusting my outfits to ensure my secrets were well hidden.
Life became a constant worry gnawing at me but I was determined to keep the secrets for as long as possible.
I wasn't ready to face anyone's judgment so I isolated myself from this shame.
My family's concerned gaze became more frequent. My mother's attention on me was her daily responsibility. She would watch me with a mix of suspicion and concern, her eyes searching for answers that am not ready to reveal.
My siblings too began asking questions and their curiosity became harder to deflect.
“What’s wrong with you Lily? You’ve been acting strange these days. If anything is bothering you please feel free to tell us”.
Her words left a bombshell in my heart. I stood on her left shoulder with a reply.
“Don't worry about me, Esther, I’m fine and I’ll always be fine".
“No you're not fine, you’ve left everyone in a worried state, and are affecting us all. We can't fold our hands thinking all is well when they are not".
“So what have you all been thinking?".
“We have been thinking about you, your new lifestyle, your mode of communication and dressing. Indeed everything around you has changed and I believe something is not proper".
“You don't have to be thinking about me or even evaluating me in such a manner, life itself does change so why worry about my new lifestyle".
“We’re worried because we are one family and your new lifestyle can tear us apart".
She said with a calm voice I swiftly embraced her to make her comfortable. I could feel the pressure mounting, but the fear of their reaction kept me silent.
I wasn't ready to shatter the fragile peace of our household with the revelation of my pregnancy.
I found it very hard to relate to life. Although artwork became my companion, painting became my refuge, and every brush stroke was an attempt to pour out the swirling emotions inside of me.
My art studio became cluttered and chaotic, I felt it was like the only place where I could truly breathe.
The canvases reflected my inner turmoil, each piece became a mix of hope and desperation. I painted feverishly, losing myself in the colors and shapes.
I tried to create a sense of order but the chaos of my life was a way to process my life and dreams finding a semblance of control in an uncontrollable situation.
The longer I kept my secrets the heavier I felt the weight of silence weighing down on me like a ton of bricks.
Each day was a struggle to maintain the facade, to act like everything was normal when inside I was falling apart.
I wanted to tell my family to seek their support and understanding but the fear of their disappointment paralyzed me.
The silence became suffocating, and I found myself questioning my strength to keep going.
One evening my mother cornered me in the kitchen. Her eyes filled with concern. She didn't need to say anything; her expression spoke volumes.
I could see the worry etched on her face with an unspoken question: she was too gentle with her voice.
“Lily, what's going on? I’m a mother and I know when something is wrong. If I may ask, are you pregnant?".
The questions send shivers around my spine like an electric wave around my nerves.
“No…I’m not..I’m..not pregnant”. I stammered.
"Don't worry Lily, Just relax, calm your nerves, and breathe in. If it’s a thing of pregnancy then share with me rather than hiding this from us”.
"I know but Mom I’m not pregnant and am just stressed with work which is causing a lot of sleepless nights”.
"Then find time to rest dear”.
"I’ll Mom, But I don't know what to do".
"Is there anything I can help you with?”. She curiously asked.
"Not yet, am still figuring things out”.
“Not yet! Still figuring things out? What's it you're hiding from me, don't you know a problem shared is halved."
I could see her voice rising in anger but I had to tell lies to calm her nerves.
"Mom! I know you’ve been longing to know what's wrong with me but the truth is I’m fine. It’s just that I have been getting a lot of rejection on my artwork and it is affecting my mental health”.
“I understand dear just keep on trying hard, one day you will get to your peak".
She said, panting my back with a cool embrace, although my mom still gazes at me in suspicion, as she gently leaves the kitchen.
It took all my strength to hold back my tears, put on a brave face, and assure her that everything was fine.
Right inside me I was crumbling. But I couldn't let her see that, because the fear of breaking her heart kept me silent.
My siblings were less subtle; they would tease and prod, trying to uncover the mystery of my changing appearance.
Their questions were playful, but I could see the curiosity in them. It was becoming harder to deflect their inquiries, and I felt the walls closing in.
Each day was a tightrope walk, balancing the need to keep my secret with the growing pressure to reveal the truth.
Despite the fear, I had to find a way to provide for my child. The thought of being a mother filled me with a fierce determination.
I started looking for ways to increase my income, taking more art commissions and exploring other opportunities.
- Writer
