Chasing Memories

Three

I’m missing your lips. xx

I miss your lips more. xx

We need to get together soon, for the sake of our lips.

I was thinking the same thing—for the lips, of course.

Great minds think alike.

Great minds indeed.

I startle, awaking to the familiar sounds of hospital machines. My hand goes to my mouth. My lips are dry and cracked, definitely depressed without his kisses.

Maybe…just maybe…

I pause before opening my eyes. I say a silent prayer that my previous experience was just a bad dream.

Please let me find Aiden at my bedside. Please let his kisses soothe my aching lips. Please…

I drop my hand from my mouth as I slowly open my eyes. My sister, Gracelyn, is sitting in a chair beside the window, engrossed in a book. My heart falls briefly, but then I gasp when I see her large round belly.

She looks up, her large doe eyes shining with surprise. “Mia!” she exclaims. Putting her book down, she comes to my bedside and pulls me into a hug. She cries, “Oh, Mia. God, how I’ve missed you.”

My sister and I have always been close. She’s only two years older than I am. Growing up, we did everything together. People said we could have been mistaken for twins were it not for our hair color. Where Grace has always been blonde, my hair is a dark auburn. Our facial features are identical though, and we’ve continuously gotten compliments on our big blue eyes and pouty lips—traits both of our daughters have also inherited.

“You’re pregnant?” I still can’t believe she’s so obviously pregnant. The time I lost is evident when I look at her belly.

“Oh!” She looks down to her baby bump. “Yes, almost seven months now. I found out a couple of days after the accident.” She wears a sad smile and stares at me for a second before saying, “It’s a boy.”

“That’s fantastic, Grace. I’m so happy for you.”

“Regan just turned three. Do you remember my daughter?” she asks hesitantly.

“I do.” I smile warmly. “You know, I named my little girl after you.” My face lights up when I think of my sweet Gracie with her curly strawberry-blonde hair, large blue eyes, and freckled nose.

Grace doesn’t say anything, but I notice the change in her posture.

“Grace, where is my family? Where are Aiden and the kids? Do you know?”

My sister chews on her bottom lip, something she has done since she was little, a clear indication that she’s uncomfortable.

She takes in a breath of air. “Mia, I have to talk to you.”

Tears automatically come to my eyes. I can’t hear it. I shake my head. “Don’t say it, Grace. Please don’t. I can’t hear it. I just want my family. Can’t you all understand that?”

“Listen, Mia.” Her voice is calm and reassuring, so I know she is going to deliver horrible news. “I’m going to tell you exactly how it is, and I need you to listen carefully. Mom is terrified that you have…” She looks embarrassed as she pauses, and then her face scrunches up with remorse. “How do I put this?” She sighs. “Mia, Mom believes you are going crazy.”

“She thinks I’m crazy?” I exclaim loudly.

Grace holds her hands up, her palms toward me, in a quieting motion. “Shh. Stop,” she says soothingly. “Don’t get upset, or they will d**g you again. They don’t want you to get too upset until they can get scans of your brain to make sure everything’s okay. Do you want answers, or do you want to sleep?”

“I want answers.”

“Good. Then, I will tell you anything you wish to know, but you have to stay calm. I can’t help you if you spiral out of control again. Mom’s terrified for you. She doesn’t think you’re crazy,” she says, emphasizing the last word. “Just that you have lost touch with reality a little because of the trauma to your brain. Nothing that a little medicine, time, or therapy can’t help with…right?” She sounds cheerful, as if your family thinking you have completely lost your mind is a normal thing.

When I don’t respond, she continues, “Listen, you have to keep it together, so the doctors don’t give her control over your medical treatment. Right now, they are questioning your ability to make appropriate decisions in regards to your health. You need to prove them wrong. You have to show them that you are capable.”

Well, losing control over decisions regarding my health and well-being is not going to happen, so I agree, “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yeah.”

“Great. Then, ask away. Anything you want to know, I promise to tell you the truth.”

I get straight to the point. “Grace, where are Aiden and my kids?”

My sister holds me with her stare. “Calm, right?”

“I’m calm,” I reassure her even though I feel anything but.

“Here goes nothing,” Grace half-whispers to herself. “Mia, you know I love you to the moon and back. You are my best friend. I would never, ever lie to you.”

“Grace,” I growl, “get to my question.”

She holds her hand up. “Okay, okay. The truth is, there is no Aiden, and you’ve never had any children. You’re engaged to Grayson. You have been dating Gray since high school. You were set to marry him the day after the accident. You were driving yourself to the rehearsal dinner, but you never made it. On the way there, a semi driver fell asleep and crossed the center lane, hitting you head-on. You were airlifted here. You had extensive brain bleeding and had many surgeries. Then, you were in a coma for six months.” Grace is speaking a mile a minute, but at the same time, the words are delivered almost in slow motion.

I struggle to understand them. An overwhelming sense of despair comes over me because she still hasn’t acknowledged my family.

Taking the sheet covering me, I wipe my eyes. The tears come so fast that it’s impossible to focus on Grace.

I take in what she said. My sister loves me. She has never lied to me. I trust her more than anyone. But what she said simply doesn’t add up.

“I can’t believe that,” I murmur. “I know that Aiden is out there. I didn’t just dream him up. My kids aren’t just a delusion. They’re real.”

“Maybe you did dream them up? I mean, think about it. You’ve been asleep for six months. That is a lengthy stretch of time, and you could have had a really long dream.”

I violently shake my head, willing myself to keep my composure. “No, Grace. I know what it feels like to have a dream. My family is real. I know it. I just have to find them.”

“Mia, it was just a dream. Don’t you think I would know if you married someone and had three kids? You would never have left me out of something like that. It doesn’t make sense. You were going to marry Gray. You had an accident, and now, you are here. That’s all there is.”

I hear my sister’s words, but I can’t accept them. They’re so harsh going in, causing me immense pain. My back shakes with sobs.

Why is she saying this? Aiden isn’t a figment of my imagination. My children, my babies, my loves…are real. I know it.

My entire body is composed of the love I feel for them. A love that strong can’t be felt for something that my mind made up. Such a deep love is saved for real living, breathing people…for my family.

“They’re real, Grace. I don’t know how to make you believe me, but I promise you, they are. I will do anything to get back to them. Absolutely anything. Please?” I plead. “Tell me what to do.” My voice is desperate, filled with a frantic plea for help.

“Oh, Mia.” Tears fall from Grace’s eyes as she sits down next to me.

She pulls me into a hug. I firmly wrap my arms around her back and squeeze while my body shudders from sobs.

“They’re real, Grace. I can’t live without them. I need them. Please help me.” I cry into her chest. I just can’t bear to face this life without them.

She holds me, running her hand over my hair. I recognize the gesture. It’s one I’ve done countless times to my little Gracie, like when she skinned her knee, when she lost her favorite doll, or when her pet goldfish, Bubbles, died. I would hold her tight and run my hand over her head, trying to soothe away her sadness. The memories make me cry harder.

“I believe you, Mia.”

“You do?” A burst of hope fills my heart.

“I think you believe it.”

The hope drains as quickly as it came. “But you don’t believe they are real. You only believe that I think they are.”

“I’m sorry. What do you want me to say? I’ve been here throughout your entire life. In the twenty-four years since you were born, we haven’t gone more than a week without seeing each other. You’ve been lying in a bed, unconscious, for the past six months. You haven’t gotten married or had kids. You know I will always be on your side, but the fact is that what you think is real can’t possibly be. It just can’t.”

“I’m telling you that it is! It is!” I cry. I don’t have the words or understanding to explain it, but I know that it is. Down to my bones, to the essence of my soul, I know it to be true.

Grace sits back, releasing her hold on me. “Listen, I think we need to get you out of here. You need to get back into your old routine and your past life. Hopefully, it will bring you some clarity. I don’t think staying here is doing you any favors. Hospitals are just depressing.” She shivers dramatically.

I agree with her—not so much about resuming my old life, but getting out of this hospital where I have doctors watching my every move will be helpful. Plus, once I’m home, I can start looking for Aiden.

“I want to get out of here.”

She nods, happy that I’m being compliant. “So, what you have to do is be quiet about the husband.”

“It’s Aiden.”

“Right…Aiden and the kids,” she says more as a question.

I nod.

“If you continue to flip out about them, Mom will have you committed where you will go through tons of therapy. You don’t want that—or at least I don’t think you do…just yet anyway.”

“I don’t. I just want to get out of here.”

“Okay. Then, you need to be calm and agree to whatever Mom and Gray say. I know it will be hard because you aren’t one to keep your feelings to yourself, but you have to for now, if you want to be released. Deal?”

Sighing, I consent, “Deal.” I can do anything for the short term if it means leaving this hospital so that I can start looking for Aiden.

“Great. I’m going to get Mom.”

“She’s here?”

Grace looks to me. With a smirk, she says, “Of course. She’s in the waiting room.”

“So, she sent you in as the buffer because she thinks I’m insane?” I pout out my lips in annoyance.

She chuckles. “I’m here because I want to be. Yes, Mom was a little freaked, but she’ll be fine now that you’ve woken up, and everything is peachy, right?”

“Yes, everything is peachy,” I huff out with a frown.

Actually, I’ve never been worse, but I don’t say that to Grace. It’s a special kind of hell when people you love and trust tell you that your family, your entire world, is fake.

A delusion.

A dream.

I know they’re wrong. I’m not sure how to prove it—yet. My mind is still so fuddled with confusion and sleep. I can’t make sense of it either, but that’s not to say I don’t know it to be true.

“Hey.” Grace’s calming voice cuts through my thoughts. Her hand is resting on my leg. “It’s going to be okay, Mia. You are going to be okay.”

My eyes brim with tears, and I nod. More than anything, I want her to be right, but the only way it can ever be okay is if I find Aiden.

“Okay. Good. Then, let me get Mom. Your doctor and nurses will do their deal, and then you can leave this miserable place—soon, hopefully.” She smiles sadly before turning to leave.

“Okay. Grace?” I call her before she leaves.

“Yeah?” She pops her head back in the door.

“It isn’t so miserable in here.”

She looks to me in question, and I point to Regan’s colorful pictures. “I love the artwork. I can’t wait to thank Regan for all the pretty pictures.”

A genuine smile spreads across her face. “She will be so happy to see you. She asks about you all the time. She loved making the pictures. She’s quite the little budding artist,” she says, her face full of pure pride while speaking about her daughter. Then, she steps out into the hallway.

Something as simple as crayons scribbled across paper will make a mother beam with love for her child. There is nothing like the love one feels for their children.

Believe me…I know.