My Mate, My Mystery

Are We Broken?

~Xena's P.O.V.~

Listening to Connor and Anthony talk about all the pain and struggles this pack has been through and the struggles yet to come, it breaks my heart, but also brings my thoughts back to my own pack. We have gone through so much in the last few years too. Aurora being kidnapped, then almost losing both our Alpha and Luna at the same time, the crazy lady who turned out to be Aurora’s long lost mom, Aurora not only finding out that she is pregnant but she is pregnant with powerful Gold Wolf, Gemini Twins. I completely lose track of Anthony and Connor's conversation as Im lost in my own sadness and guilt for leaving my pack and my Luna when they could need me.

I know Zeke is watching over her like a hawk and probably has assigned someone to guard her in my absence and I know between the strength of the twins combined with Aurora’s unique powers, there isn't much that could get within 5 feet of them and survive. I still can't push away the guilt and the feeling of being left out. I want to be there to witness the miracle birth of two of the most powerful beings to exist but I also know finding your fated mate is a once and a lifetime thing and I really want this to work. I feel like Anothony is fighting himself as to whether he wants this bond for some reason and if I had chosen to stay I felt like I would have lost him for good.

He comes off as completely nonchalant and distant when it comes to me, almost cold, but when he doesn't realize I am paying attention I see the emotions swirling in his eyes. His eyes that never stop watching my every move filled with curiosity and lust. As soon as I make eye contact with him he immediately puts up his wall of nonchalance and when I try to talk to him , he goes rigid and cold, his answers dry, analytical almost, but when I am in close proximity to him his body automatically responds to me, reaching for me, trying to connect in every way.

All the fated mates I have ever witness, the bond is undeniable, the chemistry is off the charts and the connection is instant. Although I do feel a strong connection between us, I can't help but wonder if there is something wrong with me. I wonder if my fated mate is not that attracted to me. These thoughts send what feels like shards of glass through my heart, it both terrifies and confuses the hell out of me. Frustrating me to the point where I think about rejecting him before he decides to reject me. The only thing that stops me is the random glimpses of tenderness I get from him that reignited my hope. I do feel he is struggling with this I only wish I knew why. This bond is sure to drive me to the mad house if I don't figure out what's going on.

I feel Anthony's hand on my lower back, prompting me to pass through the mess hall doors. His touch is light but almost possessive as his fingers slightly grip into me. The mess hall is a large, open but bare room, lined with wood picnic tables and no decorations. My heart breaks again at the coldness the pack has. I vow to myself to help these people regain some of the happy life they had before the wars. Although I heard Connor talking of more wars to come, how much more can they take from these people.

We all take our seats for dinner, Connor remains standing. He begins by thanking everyone for their help in putting all this together and welcoming Anthony and I. He then goes over the weeks events, to include; war strategy meetings and his Alpha Ceremony at the end of the week. The room erupts into cheer at that announcement and I can't help but admire his compassion and dedication to a pack who is barely holding on. He seems to care alot for all of his people and be very dedicated to building this pack up to the powerful pack it used to be. When he talks I look around the room and it warms my heart to see eyes full of hope and people ready to stand up for their new king.

The meal is absolutely delicious, grilled pork chops with a garlic butter glaze, steamed vegetables and creamy mashed potatoes with gravy. Everything grown and raised right here on the pack lands. For a community striving to survive they certainly know how make due with the little resources they have. I am absolutely starving after our long day of traveling so I devour every ounce of it gratefully, making my mood a little lighter.

I look up to see Anthony laughing and talking to everyone around him, this makes smile cause I love to watch him in his element. He is absolutely perfect with his dark Italian features, his eyes are more hazel than brown and have this fire that burns inside them, that could make anyone get lost staring into them. His smile is so contagious, with his perfect white teeth and sexy lip, I can't help but to watch when he is talking. He talks so animated, using his hands, as most Italians do, drawing in the attention of everyone around him. as much as it makes me smile to see him comfortable and actually talking, enjoying himself, I can't help but to feel a small sting of jealousy. I want him to feel that way with me, to talk to me like that.

After dinner, Anthony gives me a quick tour of the castle, as I suspected it is cold and bare like the rest of the pack lands. I wonder if it was ever warm and inviting. The floors and walls are stone, resembling more of a dungeon than a castle, the lighting is very dull and throws off creepy shadows everywhere you look. There are no pictures or decorations other than metal knights of armor strategically placed throughout the halls.

We come to a hall of rooms and Anthony stops a couple doors in, telling me this will be my room for now. My eyebrow shoots up at the realization that I'm not sharing a room with my mate and I have to stay alone in this creepy place. He stands there studying me for a moment, not giving much away of what is going through his head. Then he leans down and kisses my cheek, telling me to get some rest as he turns down the hall towards his room. I stand there staring after him, tears forming at the corner of my eyes, wondering, are we broken? Is this connection really fated?

Athena, my wolf, whines in my head. She has been really quiet since coming in contact with Anthony and his wolf, Enzo. Other than screaming mate in my head when they were finally close enough for us to smell them. His smell is purely masculine aftershave, cologne, clean and delicious. Athena starts getting antsy, as she says " we need to talk to him, asking what he thinks of us and our bond". I snort out loud, " do you not see how my brain disconnects with my mouth when it is just the two us talking?" I ask her getting laugh from her. "I liked to see you do any better" I laugh. He is just so intimidating. We agree wait and get some rest, leave the conversation for another day, maybe with alcohol involved it will go smoother.