Her Highness's Second Life

Chapter 12 - The First Crack

The carriage was silent.

Raena glanced at Elene, who was sitting in the corner with her arms crossed, staring outside. Apart from glaring at Raena ever since Emer accepted the invitation for dinner, she hadn’t said a single word. Once they were alone, Raena tried to start a conversation but gave up after she was blatantly ignored. She wasn’t sure what Elene was angry about—the fact that Raena refused to go home after a tiny nosebleed or that she invited a stranger to dinner.

Either way, neither of those things was reason enough to get this mad. Raena had already bled a couple of times in the early days of her pregnancy and the doctor had assured them all that she wasn’t in any danger. As for Emer… she had to find out if all those coincidences led to something or if she was just seeing things that weren’t there.

He was more than willing to share his story—how he was left in front of an orphanage when he was just a few days old and raised in a cold, violent environment where the children were often sold as slaves or died from illnesses and severe beatings. Emer had ended up being one of the purchased kids since he had a pleasant appearance and was considered sharp, even at an early age.

A young noble bought him for cheap the first time and had him pretend to be his long-lost bastard son so he could claim the inheritance his father refused to give him without an heir. Emer got to play the role of a young noble for a while, but he knew perfectly well that the moment the old man died, he’d be disposed of. Luckily for him, his father got killed by one of his many enemies before he could arrange an unfortunate accident to befall his beloved son.

After that, Emer was sold several more times to all kinds of people—violent, odd, perverted, and even an elderly couple, who were the only nice ones among the bunch, but their estate ended up getting burnt down by scoundrels along with the owners. It was quite the long tale of misfortune and adventure, but with a happy end at least—or so Emer claimed with a smile that didn’t quite match the look in his eyes.

Daniel’s past hadn’t been that gruesome or interesting. His problems started only after he grew older and stood up for himself—the older kids didn’t like being challenged and their caretakers cared little about what they did as long as there was money from the government. But once Daniel ran away to live on his own, his life had taken a turn for the better.

Emer didn’t say anything out of the ordinary again, and they ended up talking about the restaurant and her business. He asked a few questions about her family, but when he saw her reluctance to talk, he immediately apologized and changed the subject. In the end, the dinner ended with more questions than answers.

Raena wasn’t sure what exactly she expected from it—if he turned out to be Daniel, then what? She was married, happily, and had two beautiful children and one on the way. She had left the real world behind. She had chosen to forget all the connections she had there. And Daniel had been dead for years already. No matter how much she had loved him before, how happy he had made her, those feelings had faded and turned into a warm memory.

She wasn’t sure if it was the time or the circumstances talking, but the love she had for Daniel paled in comparison with the one she held for Kassian. Still, if she could meet Daniel again, she would have been ecstatic. To make sure he was happy in his next life, content, complete. That’s what she was looking for. She wanted to make sure he had moved on and was enjoying his next life. Like her. But Emer wasn’t Daniel. It had been just her guilty conscience and wishful thinking that were creating illusions in her head. It was the fault of all those nightmares. She was going to ask the doctor for something that would help her sleep better so she wouldn’t have to deal with those memories that only muddled her head. If she kept going on like that, she was going to go crazy.

The carriage stopped, and the door opened a moment later. The driver offered them a helping hand, but Elene ignored him as she moved past him with a heavy gait; Raena gave him a thankful smile. They headed toward the mansion in the same heavy silence. The front door opened just as they reached it, and the Grand Chamberlain greeted them with a polite bow, his uniform impeccable even at the late hour.

“Good evening, Your Highness,” he said politely. “Would you like me to prepare dinner or do you plan to retire for the night?”

“I already ate. Are the girls asleep?” Raena asked, looking around. Apart from the three of them, several guards were standing at attention at their posts, pretending to mind their own business.

“They are, Your Grace. They fell asleep at their usual time,” he reported. “Would you like a bath prepared? I believe His Highness is taking one right now, but we can have another one set up in the spare bathroom or…”

“Kassian is home?” Raena frowned, and the Grand Chamberlain finally met her eyes. She hadn’t expected her husband to be home until much later. In the past few days, he had been coming back long past midnight and just crashing into their bed, sometimes even without taking his clothes off. She had assumed he had a few more things to finish before their departure tomorrow.

“Yes, Your Highness.” the Grand Chamberlain nodded, his voice turning sharper for a moment. “He came back and asked for dinner to be prepared since you two will be dining together. He waited for you until… Half an hour ago he announced he was retiring for the night. Should we have known you’d be late…”

Raena closed her eyes, cursing under her breath.

Splendid. Just splendid. This was turning out to be one hell of a day.

“I’ll be retiring now,” Raena said, barely holding back her sigh. The Grand Chamberlain inclined his head, waiting patiently. “You are both dismissed.” She glanced at Elene, who was just opening her mouth as if to protest when Raena cut her off. “That would be all. I can find my own way to my room.”

The Grand Chamberlain bowed, then walked away, and Elene followed him a few seconds later. Raena released the sigh she had been holding, heading toward the magnificent staircase that led to the second floor. Her feet were killing her, and she couldn’t wait to get out of her dress, but there was something more important to do before that.

Kassian was probably angry. Furious even. And disappointed. She knew she hadn’t done anything wrong—she was almost sure that Emer wasn’t even interested in her as a woman—but she still felt guilty. Every time she talked to other men, she had to be careful how she did it so as not to tick off Kassian’s jealousy. He always tried to hide it and rarely confronted her about it, but she could tell when he was unhappy. She knew him that much.

Raena nodded at the guards positioned at the beginning of the corridor leading to the quarters she shared with her husband. There had been a big uproar from the servants when they had announced they would be sharing sleeping space, but things quickly settled down. Sharing bedchambers wasn’t as big of a shock after disbanding a whole harem for a single woman, after all.

Raena pushed the door open and stepped inside, listening for any noise before heading to the bedroom. Nothing. She checked the other accommodations, but all of them were empty—not even a servant in sight. The words of the Chamberlain came to mind, and she headed toward the bathroom, her heels clicking loudly on the tiled floor. She hesitated in front of the door, wondering if she should knock, then just let herself inside.

To her surprise, the bathroom was empty, too. The floor was wet, and the tub was still full of water, but her husband was nowhere in sight. She was just going to leave and order the guards to find him when a bubble appeared on the water’s surface, and Raena froze, her eyes staring at the foaming liquid. Another bubble came up, and then another.

Panic squeezed her chest, and she rushed toward the bathtub, determined to get him out of there. She wasn’t sure how exactly she’d achieve dragging a man more than twice her size out, but…

Before she could even reach the bathtub, Kassian’s head broke through the water. He sat up, shaking his head and running a hand over his face when his eyes finally fell on her. Even if he was surprised to see her, it didn’t show on his face. He just sat there, water dripping from his short hair and sliding down his bulging muscles.

“What are you doing?” he asked, c*****g his head to the side. That’s when Raena realized she was standing with her hands raised, ready to sink them into the water and pull him up.

“I thought you were d-d-drowning!” she stuttered as she let them drop by her side.

“In a bathtub?” he deadpanned. “How stupid exactly do you think I am?”

“I didn’t think you were drowning by accident!” she mumbled, looking away from him. She could feel his eyes on her, and with the uncomfortable feeling that his piercing gaze brought, came back the guilt.

“I see,” Kassian said in a hollow voice. “So you think that I would drown myself, on purpose, in my own bathtub because my wife wasn’t home to even have dinner with me before I left?” The cold, bitter note in his voice felt like a nasty slap on the cheek, but his next words were more like a vicious punch straight in the face. “Is this how pathetic I look in your eyes, Raena?”

A shiver ran down her spine.

“O-O-Of course not!” she exclaimed. “I wasn’t thinking straight, and I panicked!”

“Mhm,” he said, rising to his feet and stepping out of the tub. Water dripped from his body as he strode to get his towel and Raena watched his every movement with anxious anticipation. “Killing myself, hm?” He wrapped the towel around his waist, finally turning to face her from across the room. There was a smile on his lips now, but his eyes were cold. “Did you do something that might tempt me to take my own life while I was rushing home to spend a few hours with my precious wife instead of getting rest before the long journey?”

Raena swallowed the lump in her throat. It couldn’t have been Elene who told him—she had been with her the whole time, and while Elene allowed herself the freedom to wear her disapproval on her face when they were alone, she never went behind Raena’s back. That left the Shadows—or whatever they called themselves now after their group was disbanded. One of them must have reported to Kassian before she came home.

She wasn’t planning on lying to him in the first place, but now she had no choice but to tell him the truth.

“I was having dinner with a potential investor,” she replied, holding his gaze. “It was a perfectly normal dinner where we talked about work. Ask Elene if you want. She sat by my side the whole time, so I was never alone with him.”

Kassian snorted, moving past her without even looking at her. Raena balled her hands into fists, but then forced them to relax, striding after him. He was already by the bed when she caught up, picking up the change of clothes that were left there for him.

“I’m sorry! I didn’t expect you to be back so soon! That’s why I had dinner with him!” she said, watching the muscles on his back flex as he slipped the shirt over them. He didn’t reply or even look at her, bending down to pick up his pants. “Please stop with the jealousy! There is no other man, and there never will be! He was just a potential business partner and…”

“Enough!” Kassian shouted suddenly, turning to glare at her. Raena gulped, her shoulders caving in with fear for the first time in years. She could hardly remember the last time he had raised his voice at her or watched her with such bitter disappointment. “Do you really think this is what I’m mad about? Because you had dinner with another man?”

“Why else?” she asked hesitantly, her voice surprisingly shaky. The anger in his eyes flared even brighter.

“Unbelievable!” he whispered, releasing a heavy sigh. “We’ve been together for five years already, and you still don’t know me at all! The most important thing to me is not your fidelity, it’s your safety. Don’t get me wrong, if you cheat on me with another man, I will tear his head off right in front of you, but you… you are the mother of my children and my wife! I am going to protect you, even if you betray me! But what can I do to keep you safe if you just ignore what I say and keep putting yourself in danger? Do you know how many assassination attempts my men have stopped without you even realizing it? Poison, hidden knives, even kidnapping. I made sure you didn’t see anything, so you can keep living happily and carefree and not be burdened by your position. I even agreed to let you go back to the restaurant knowing how dangerous it will be because I know how happy it makes you! Yet you act as if I am the one constraining you and keeping you in a cage! You even dare to say I do it all out of jealousy!”

“I…”

“I have given you more freedom than you can imagine! Like it or not, you are my wife and an Imperial princess, yet you act like a commoner with no responsibilities or care in the world! You are not Lydia Miles anymore, you are Raena Magrath! If you can't accept that after all this time just… go back to your f*****g world and work yourself to death there! You can’t have both, no matter how much you want it!” Kassian panted, his face red from the shouting. Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath as if to calm himself down. Raena stood stunned, unable to move a muscle or even look away from him. Seeing how she showed no reaction, he sighed. “Forget it. I’m going to sleep somewhere else tonight.”

Raena blinked in surprise, her body finally coming back to life. Before she knew what she was doing, she blocked his path to the door. Kassian stopped, giving her an impatient look.

“Step aside. I’m tired,” he said, trying to go around her. Raena stubbornly blocked his way again, and he let out an annoyed growl.

“I know I broke my promise and I have no excuse,” she said, blocking him a third time, her back now pressed against the handle of the door so the only way he could get out was if he moved her first. “But I really am sorry, Kassian. I didn’t realize… No, this is no excuse. All I am saying is that I understand what you are saying. But I have chosen my life. I have chosen this world, this place, and you. Our family. I won’t break my promises again. I won’t put myself in danger. So please, stay.”

“Raena, I’m angry. I don’t want to let it out on you, so step aside,” he said quietly, his eyes staring at the floor.

“Kassian, let’s…” she started, reaching out to touch him when he grabbed her wrist, stopping her fingers just short of his face. Raena’s eyes widened, and he finally looked at her.

“I do not want to look at you right now, so please respect my wishes,” he said in an icy voice, letting go of her hand. He grabbed the handle of the door, staring at her expectantly. Slowly, as if her feet weighed a ton, Raena took a small step out of his way, then another. Once she was no longer blocking the door, Kassian left without a word.

Raena stared at the giant empty bed on the other side of the room, feeling her heart sink lower and lower as the pain in her chest turned into an ache that was almost too much to bear. She wasn’t sure when she slid to the ground or when the tears had come, but for the first time in a very long while, she cried without holding back.