Unnamed

NINE – you would think that i knew what i was doing

Dylan had woken around six in the morning for god knows what. Since we were in the same room, his shuffling didn't leave me undisturbed. I grudgingly opened my eyes and the first thing I saw was Dylan's bare back. I groaned and fell back on the bed.

Was I dreaming again? Last time I had that thought, a guy kidnapped me. I didn't know what would happen now.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up. Are you alright?" His voice came from somewhere above me. I barely opened my eyes but I could make out that Dylan was wide-awake and freshly showered. The subtle scent of his slight woody and masculine cologne engulfed me in a familiar feeling that I usually felt around him.

I admired people who could wake up so early and had the guts to look so chirpy.

Then, my eyes trailed down from his face to his toned washboard abs. I nearly groaned again but my mouth felt too dry to make any kind of sound. I swear it was not this hot in this room a few seconds back. I snapped my eyes back to his face and from his amused expression, I could tell that he was doing it deliberately.

"I think I should go back to sleep before I turn blind," I muttered, turning around and covering my face with the blanket to hide my embarrassment.

"Whatever sails your boat. I am heading out anyway. See you later." He had never bothered to inform me this before he went out so this time I flung the blanket aside and asked,

"Where?" Couldn't help my curiosity.

"I don't want to tell."

If it were any other day, I would have tried to probe him for an answer until he either answered me or threatened me. But since we had made a pact of 'no one's business,' I let it go and went back to sleep. That wasn't very hard.

It felt as if it only a few minutes had passed before Dylan was back. It was already 10:26. I dragged myself out of the bed and dragged my ass downstairs. He had set the multiple bags of grocery on the floor.

"C'mon. I have brought some breakfast for us." He asked me to hurry.

I knew it was somewhat useless to ask him from where he got it. I didn't mind as long as he had not killed someone. I went into the bathroom and did my business. I fixed my hair in its ponytail and smoothed the wrinkles out of my tee for last time before I exited. Dylan had already set two plates stacked with blueberry pancakes and butter.

"I have brought maple, chocolate, strawberry, mango, orange, pistachio, passion fruit syrup, and whipped cream too. You can pick whatever you wish." He informed when I settled down on a dining chair.

"Thank you." I said picking up the whipped cream and my coffee.

"I have some work today, so I might not return till later. You can go to the mansion with Hailey if you want or can do whatever as long as it is not running away." He used a normal conversational tone instead of his angry threatening voice making it sound weird as he stocked the pantry and shelves with the abundance of food he had bought.

"I'll see." I replied, not actually bothered with the 'not running away' warning. I had listened to it so many times that it'd become so boring. I instinctively tuned it out.

I was happy at the prospect of spending another day with the girls though. They all were so cool and fun to be around. I had two best friends, Amanda and Sophie, before the separation of my parents. We used to have sleepovers and get-together with our parents ranging from BBQ parties to tea parties. Young and naïve, it was easy to find fun in everything. And that could be the reason why I thought we were best. Nothing was dull and damp with them.

When suddenly I was not allowed to have any connections with them, you could imagine my misery. I had no one whom I could go to and talk about my mom. By high school, they were only blurred faces I could sit with during lunch. I was sure if I tried my hardest, I could conjure up their birth dates from the back of my memory and nothing else.

Jean, Beth, Hailey just reminded we what I had, what I could have. When I should stay away from them given my circumstances, I could not. It was an impulsive thing to want what I could not have. I knew that dad might be so far away from here. That made me defy one of his rules and be friends with the girls since he could not possibly know what I did.

Also, it was not like I was to be here forever. Once I was out of here, I had to leave it all behind. They always treated me like they knew me since forever; never making me feel like I was left out in this strange place. I could not deny the temptation. They reminded of my old friends. This all would be a memory one day anyway.

Dylan hesitated on the door and of course, I would think that he thought that he had let me off the hook very easily. I tentatively took a sip of my cup and watched him from over the rim.

A lot of cream? Check.

A lot of sugar? Check.

After a lot of contemplation, he turned to face me. I prepared myself for more of his "talks" but what came surprised me.

"Take care, Fay." He mumbled, almost questioning if he had any right to say so.

Those three words affected me more than his thousand warnings. Almost instantly, I felt a burning in my nose; a telltale sign that I was close to tears. Maybe it was Paz who said it to me last time before leaving. It'd been quite a time. It was possible he didn't mean it. It was possible he said out of pity. It was possible that he cared- well (scoffs) as if! But who cared? Those words sounded lovely.

"Okay," I whispered back, not being able to form words without cracking in the end.

He waited a little more. I could feel this imprinting gaze on my face while I tried to act like I was fascinated by the cup in my hand.

"Good." he said before leaving.

I heard a soft thud of the door closing before I made my mind to put the coffee on the bar and left my seat. By the time I was out of the main door and onto the deck, Dylan was quite a few distances away from me.

"Dylan!" I shouted, leaning over the railings.

He turned and I could imagine the wonder and confusion on his face.

"You too," I said in the same tone while waving my one hand in goodbye, "You take care too."

And he smiled even if it was a small closed lipped one.

---

As predicted by Dylan, Hailey came but without Basil.

"Hi, Fay." She engulfed me in a quick hug before letting go and stepping inside. Her bubblegum pink hair was in two long fishtails. She was wearing a floral gypsy skirt that came just an inch above her mid-calf paired with a plain white crop top. She had silver glass bangles in her left hand that made a pleasant sound with her every hand movements.

"Hello." I greeted matching her enthusiasm. I had just come out from the bathroom after taking a long shower since I didn't yesterday. My hair was still damp because I towel dried it instead of using a blow drier. I was sure I looked nowhere near appealing as her in my regular shorts and another black t-shirt with a big yellow smiley emoji in front.

"Dylan told me to pick you up before leaving. Jeanette's parents have returned from their vacation yesterday so they are back to looking over... the business. That means boys and Chris are free too today. Just imagine the fun we can have." She explained excitedly with crazy hand gestures.

"That would be cool, I think." I said. I hadn't been around the boys a lot. They were all busy doing something every time. Even when they returned, that was usually in the middle of a chic-flick movie, they just sat focusing less on what's going on screen and more on stealing kisses from their girlfriends. That was worse when everyone was making out including the casts in the movie and I had to pretend that I wasn't uncomfortable at all. Talk about awkward. They just gave the third wheel a new height; over level hundred.

"I have made a cake thing for dinner yesterday. I have saved some for you. Do you wanna eat?"

"Look at you Fay!" She smirked wriggling her eyebrows as she held my hands and twirled me in circles. "You are being a rebel. What happened to dessert only after dinner not the dessert for dinner?"

I laughed falling back in her arms in an easy sweep. Being as small as me, she couldn't hold my weight and we both tumbled to the floor. When it hurt from our ungraceful fall, we couldn't help but laugh out half of embarrassment and half because it was just plain hilarious when you try to be smooth when you're the godchild of the clumsiest person alive.

"I am never dancing with you ever again, Fay." She said still refusing to get up from the floor without my help. I extended one hand to help her up which she gladly took and stood on her feet before dusting off the imaginary dust.

"Dylan forgot to buy grocery. We had nothing to eat," I told, hiding the little thing that he had no money until yesterday because I had a hunch that she or anyone else didn't know about his money problem. "I conjured up something with some mismatched stuff." I got the Soufflé. There was just enough for two to three people. "It's not enough for everyone, is it?" I asked with a fallen smile while handling it to her.

She licked off the cream from the corner. "It seems yummy. We can make more at the mansion for everyone."

I was ready for that.

"Guys, Fay is here!" Hailey announced with her evergreen zeal when we entered the mansion but it was a whisper in the hullabaloo in the grand kitchen. Jean, Beth, and Marcus were engaged in an intense argument. Luke was animatedly talking loudly to someone over the phone.

"No! No! I said I want silver... I still want them... No, platinum is good but I need silver... Why'd I wanted it? Are you kidding me, man? Just send me the silver... Not diamonds... My girlfriend hates diamond... Tell you what. I don't need it. Cancel the order... No! I am not kidding... Are you for real man? Just go away... I am not free tonight..."

And it went on for some time until Luke put his phone in the dishwasher. Next was the trio of Xavier, Chris, and Basil. They were most unbelievable of them all. Chris and Xavier were playing catch with Basil... being their ball. They seemed like they hadn't noticed us yet. Were these guys real?

"This is normal." Hailey told in a stage whisper noticing my awestruck look. In my book, it was a circus. Hailey put her index and middle fingers in her mouth and blew. The sharp whistle made them stop and turned toward us. In horror, I watched as a startled Xavier missed Basil and he fell on the floor with a loud thud. No one else was bothered by it, not even Basil, who got up with a big grin on his face like falling with that velocity on hard floor was like falling on a bed made up of clouds. He just ran a hand in his hair to make it messier before he waved at me.

"Hey, Fay." Basil gave me a crooked smile while arching his eyebrows in a playful manner.

"Hey-Fay" Chris snickered, slapping Xavier's chest as both fell into a fit of muffled laughter.

"Ho're ya, Kiddo?" Marcus came forward and gave me a high five. It was more like a slap to break my hand. Seriously, what did this family eat? Dinosaurs for starters?

"I am good, Marcus."

"Is that food?" Luke asked, taking the plate from my hand and putting a whole slice in his mouth. "It's weird. Kidding. It's good." Next thing I knew that he had finished the cake. "I forgot to say hello. Hi, Fay." He kissed my both cheeks before taking the plate to the dishwasher and putting it in it.

"I haven't tasted that yet." Hailey said in a calm fury before she followed an unsuspecting Luke.

"We don't have time for that. Fay, come, there's something very important to discuss." Jean called me to join her and Beth on the dining table. Xavier, Chris, and Basil continued their game only this time using food to throw around. Hailey and Luke were wrestling on the floor. Marcus decided to take a quick nap on the kitchen counter. Yeah, everything was back to normal.

I sat in between the two girls and looked at the colorful pamphlet, Pantone decks, and magazines for dresses, places, foods, party themes spread out on the table. "Are you planning someone's birthday?" They looked pretty serious armed with notebooks, pencils, and no-nonsense expression.

"No, just a small welcome party for you and Dylan." Beth told scribbling something on her notebook.

To me, it didn't seem small. I might have never gone to any parties but I knew that "small parties" don't need planning this big. From the look, they could have been planning someone's wedding.

"It doesn't seem small. And isn't it too late for the welcome party?"

"Yeah, that it," Jean mumbled distractedly. She picked up another magazine and skimmed through. When she didn't find what she was looking for, she put it down and faced me. "But with boys being always busy without our parents it'd have been kinda useless. They won't be able to have fun. Now when they are free we could do whatever we like." A carton of milk went flying over Jean's head and she ducked just in right time.

That was understandable. "But you don't have to do this all." I said waving a hand over the table.

"Shush, of course, we need to." They both said at the same time.

They paused looking at each other then together said, "Jinx"

"Jinx again." and Beth won.

I pulled the Pantone from under the pile and checked them. My eyes stopped at the blue palette.

Dylan has eyes of this color, I remembered eyeing the PMS 286 shade, when he smiles. Caught off guard by that thought I dropped the card in haste. Why would I start to care about Dylan's eye color?

"Is there any particular color you like?" Beth asked.

"Would it matter in the dark with disco lights?"

She made a thinking face while pouting her lips then shook her head, "No, but asking that makes it sound a little real."

"It's yellow then."

"That'd not do it." She said putting orange and pink together.

"Maybe gray would do." Jean piqued leaning forward with us.

"Yes" Beth said.

"No." I said.

"What about- Beth watch out. A cake!"

Beth was saved but the cake crashed on the magazines.

"Xavier!"Beth snarled. The chair fell when she stood up abruptly. She looked scary. Hailey and Luke stopped on the floor. Basil giggled who was sitting on the sink watching as Marcus woke up from his slumber.

"When you're about to die, why don't you just accept that you stole my secret stash of Nutella?" Chris said hiding behind Hailey that was amusing considering their height difference.

Xavier, the sole object of everyone's attention and wrath of his girlfriend, smiled sheepishly at everyone. "Bethany, sweetest, mon amour," he exclaimed cheerily locking his eyes with Beth. "Did I tell you how beautiful look today? You came into my life like a ray of sunshine and quenched this thirst of eternity like the first drop of rain. My heart burst into flame and its warmth seeped my in veins until only it's your name that I remember. If you'll leave me, I'd become a corridor in a ruin where you can hear the laughter of a lost lover," then he slammed a hand over his heart, "Ah!" He cried.

Everyone watched him bizarrely while I was unsure what to make out of it. I was not sure if he was being serious but it looked very funny. I held back the laughter only because others were sober and I didn't want to ruin it if it wasn't an act. "Bethany, darling, don't be mad at me. I think..." He inhaled deeply falling on his knees.

"Xavier." I gasped stepping forward to help him but someone held me back my arm.

"Goodbye world." He spoke in a stage whisper before falling on his back and closing his eyes.

I wouldn't lie; I was freaked out a little. How did Chris know that Xavier was going to die? Xavier laid there without making any movement or taking a breath. After his fall, everyone shuffled back to work, shocking me.

"I don't think we are doing it anymore." Beth sighed pulling up a magazine laced with icing with her thumb and pointer finger. "I think Luke was hungry-"

"I still am." Luke butted in.

"So we should make something." She continued like she never heard him in the first place.

"But what about Xavier?"

"He's not dead, Fay," she said then laughed pinching my both cheeks, "God, you're so gullible."

"No! I'm just a good actor, ain't I, Fay-Bae?" Xavier wiggled his eyebrows as he rose from the floor. He stood beside me and put his arms around my shoulders. "Pwease say yesh, Fay-Bae."

I scrunched my nose in a little irritation over my pet name and his act. I thought he was seriously hurt, "I won't talk to you." I snatched the gray bandana from his head and pushed him away.

"C'mon, gimme back my bandana, Fay."

I laughed hiding it behind my back, "First say sorry for making me worry like that and ruining Jean and Beth's magazine by throwing cake."

"That was cake's fault. I am innocent."

I just shook my head in denial as I kept moving back. It was futile since he was much taller and stronger than I was.

"You know I can easily catch you and take that bandana-"

"That's not fair!" I protested.

"Let me finish," he said and continued, "But you are our new friend, a family. We listen to family." I followed his words with an unidentified feeling. It was a mix of happiness, sorrow, and wonder.

He knelt before me and held my both hands and for a moment, I thought that he was going to take the bandana without an apology. He was not like dad, I reminded myself. It was easy for them to say thanks, sorry and love you with meaning it. They didn't fake it like my dad did in front of his friends or in some exclusive party of his. "I am sorry, Fay for making you worry but I was scared that Beth was going to kill me. I have already gotten so may last warnings. You are a good person, I know you understand," I giggled at how serious he sounded. He was such a dope that you'd want to hug him all day. He inclined his head his Jean and Beth's direction, "I am sorry, Beth, Jean. I didn't mean to throw the cake. It just went there without telling me.

"It's okay." I said returning his bandana.

"No big deal." Jean said.

"This is the last time." Beth warned.

"Of course, Beth darling. Anything for you." He stood back on his feet and gave a dramatic bow to Beth.

Then we resumed our initial plan of cooking. Hailey asked me to make that cake.

"This thing is weird like the shoes Luke wears at home." Chris pointed.

"But we'd try it anyway." Xavier gave an approving nod.

"My shoes are not weird." Luke objected.

We all glanced down at him pink shoes with green crocodiles all over them.

Everyone tried it with their favorite flavor of whipped cream. This small feast was followed by my story of Paz and her crazy cooking. It was so easy to talk to them. Instead of pretending, they actually listened to my every word. I surprised myself by the realization that how effortless for me to open to them about every small (normal) details of my life like my home, school, favorite subject or a memorable Christmas when my parents pretended that they forgot my gifts and I ran away from home. Those were happy days. Watching the faces of Xavier, Chris, Luke, Beth, Hailey, Jean, Marcus, Basil I could say that this was a happy day too.

Inspired by Paz's exceptional culinary skills, we made Redbull pancakes, roasted tomatoes with cracker biscuits, chicken muffins and homemade ravioli stuffed with cheese and chocolate, bananas dipped in leftover pancake batter and deep-fried and later eaten with different syrups.

"I don't know why but I feel so accomplished right now." Xavier said wiping tears out of his eyes.

"Me too. Me too, Xavier." Chris said leaning his head on Xavier's shoulder. It was probably the Redbull talking, I concluded.

"It was fun." Hailey said as she dipped a fried banana into chocolate and popped it in her mouth. "It is so delicious. If I had Paz, I wouldn't have let her go."

"Yeah, me too." I mumbled, looking down at the chicken muffins in my plate. It was sweet and sour because of the grapes someone had put in it. Not the best but I ate it anyway. Back at home, on some lonely nights, I used to think if I left this place what would I even want to remember. That was something impossible for me to comprehend. Now, here I realized that there is always a hidden memory under the pile of bad ones and that's the one that matters and sometimes that is enough to make you want to return.

"Aw, don't be sad, Fay." Jean gently pushed back my hair before wrapping an arm around my shoulder when she noticed my glum mood. I didn't want to let Paz go but sometimes we don't have a say in what our fate chooses for us.

"You have us now, Fay, for always." Beth said. Even though it did not sound as nice as she meant, I smiled.

"We'll make you craziest of dishes." Chris stood on the table and lent me a hand to join him.

"We will dance with you." Xavier wrapped his bandana around my neck before twirling me around.

"We will show you the world." Luke said, pulling me down on the floor.

"We will share our favorite sticker with you." Basil cheered. I couldn't see what was made on the sticker that he put on my cheek.

"We'll share our magic tricks with you." Hailey said waving her hands in front of my face then pulling a Twix from behind my ear. I clapped, squealing lightly as I took it from her hands.

"And we'll just keep you happy here." Marcus came and put me on his shoulders. There was no way of stopping me from laughing and giggling like an over-enthusiast fool after an overdose of affection. I held on Marcus' head (that was way smooth, mind you) while everyone laughed around. Obviously, something always holds us back but sometimes we find things along the way worth letting the past go. Sometimes, like right now, I felt if I should accept it and stay. It was not like that there was anything back at home beside happy memories for me. How long would I last with those memories only?

But here were uncertainties.

What if this friendliness was just an act?

What if they would be fed up of me and decided to kill?

What if they were softening me for a final lethal blow?

How much did I even know about them to trust them so easily?

And questions kept clashing about my mind at a frequent rate. Then there was this obligation of being faithful to dad. I promised to never leave him like mom did. I was not supposed to break it.

Sometimes there was this question that bothered me more than the rest.

What did I want?

I thought what I wanted was selfish. I wanted to be here, maybe not forever but for some time, so that I had enough moments to pack and bring them home to light another phase of darkness and solitude. That was something small but it felt too big to consider.

I thought leaving all the complications, I should be set on my initial plan of escaping and when they shouted together,

"We'll throw a party for you too!"

I knew that was the sign.