Unnamed

EIGHTEEN – so was it okay to befriend what scared me

I stepped out of the shower and the first thing I did was to check if the door was still shut. It was as I had left it; half-ajar. Dylan said that I could not lock it in case I ended accidentally killing myself; he didn't want to go through the trouble of breaking a door. His thoughtfulness touched me deeply. I slipped on the fresh clothes that consisted of Hailey's violet skirt and a teal blouse.

"I am ready," I called as I dried my hair. Dylan was waiting outside for me and hearing my call, he peeked inside.

"Managed to cause some fatal injuries to the bathroom?"

I had not expected him to be in one of his rare mood where he pleasured himself by teasing me. For good moment, I kept staring at his face while poking my tongue against my cheeks. He was looking down at me with one eyebrow raised and corner of his lower lip pressed between his teeth. When he did things like these, he seemed so normal and boyish like he should be. The Godfather expression didn't suit him at all. Or maybe I wasn't much fond of him when he was aloof and cold and scary.

"I'd not disappoint you like that, Dylan."

"How kind of you," he tapped his forefinger on my right cheek. I didn't miss the slight flutter in my stomach at his mere touch. The question was on my tip but what was it that stopped me from voicing it?

Why am I here Dylan?

My dad was dead but it did not explain what it had to do with me being here. I did not think I was a charity case for Dylan now. He had not brought me here because he was concerned about where I'd live without my dad. It might be the part of the reason but not entirely. The questions never end. If one thing came up forward, next would be ready hiding behind the curtains. And I fell short to grab those curtains and reveal it.

He helped me back on the bed. I practically melted on this cloud of a bed with a sigh. Sometimes, I wondered why I didn't like the bed back at home. When I had it, I had no appreciation of it. Now when I knew I could never have it again, I was trying to find bits and fragments of the comfort of home. He put a small cushion under my ankle and asked if I wanted a blanket, which I refused since it was unnecessary.

This room belonged to Dylan if he would have stayed at the mansion. Regardless of that, it was reserved for him in the case of emergencies like these. It was in every way a rich boy's dream room but nothing of Dylan's rustic but sophisticated taste. He would never have gilded mirrors or urbane paintings of half-naked women in his room. Not that it made this room looked any less good.

Dylan kept moving around the room, restlessly fiddling things like filling my glass of water, shutting the curtains, collecting the books on the coffee table and putting them back on the shelves, folding the blankets, brewing himself a cup of coffee, everything within ten minutes. My eyes flickered from the television to him then back to the television. It was a nice change to switch back to color films from old black and white reels. But the problem was, I could not concentrate with him moving around like a paranoid woman alone in a house. Anyone could tell from his edginess that he'd rather be anywhere but here. What was his deal?

"Why don't you just sit for a while?" I suggested when all his movements started to make me feel dizzy.

"Huh?" He put his coffee mug back on the small bar build in a corner and turned my way.

"I say why don't you sit for a while?" I repeated slowly this time.

His eyes were wide and wild as if he himself did not know what to do now. Acting upon my advice, he strolled up to me and sat on the other side of the bed.

"Is there anything bothering you?" I asked, pausing the movie so I could concentrate on him rather than Lana Del Rey dancing with this old man. On the last note, I added, "Except me."

That brought a half-crooked smile on his face, "No it's only you," he said in a manner that it was hard to tell if he was joking or not.

"Are you being serious?"

"When am I not?"

I had no answer for that so I pressed the resume button of the remote and went back watching the music video with a shrug of my shoulder as a reply.

"Fay," he uttered my name in utmost seriousness. I looked up from the screen and he was coming towards the other side of the bed where I was laying. "We're going to Arpa."

There was a weird buzzing in my ear. I did not think I heard him right. I paused the movie again and asked him to repeat what he just said, "Sorry, I couldn't quite catch what you just said."

"We are going to Arpa."

Why was it so hard to believe him? Why was I not jumping from ecstasy beside the reason that my ankle was broken? If he had told me this a few weeks before, I would have dragged him to airport right that moment. Today after hearing that, I was scared. Why would we want to go there now? My dad was not there. How would I be able to step into the house knowing that my dad died there? What if mom was there? What would I say to her? What with this sudden change of heart? When I begged him so many times, he never let me leave. What happened today?

"I-I do not understand."

"There is nothing to understand. It is what I said."

"But why now?"

It did not take long for his compose to fall and shatter as he let out a harsh sigh. "We'd go, you'll see your house, take whatever you want and we'd leave the same day."

Not exactly what I would have wanted but I could work with it. "It still hasn't answered my question." I reminded him in a small voice.

His fingers that were feverishly stroking a pattern on his jeans-clad thigh halted. "You had a panic attack the other day before you went unconscious for three days." I did not know of that. Jean only told me that after I fainted, Dylan brought me here and nothing more.

"Nobody told me that," I told him, confusion gripping my tone.

"Because nobody knows that," he shrugged his shoulders with a nervous smile. We sat in silence; I taking in this new information and trying to find an appropriate reaction for it, him preparing himself for my coming outburst. Fortunately for him, I was in no mood for that. "I could not find the words to explain what happened. Sometimes it feels like it's all my fault. I should have kept my distance from you but if anything happened to you because I did not interfere, I would have felt the same thinking I should have brought you with me. In both cases, I am the one who would get burnt. Goddess, Fay, you're so annoying."

"That was cryptic." As if he never was. I barely understood what he said.

"I think it's this place," he abruptly stood up flicking back his hair in place. "Do you think you're good to be back at the cabin or you need some more medical attention?"

"No, I do not think so," I replied simply. I felt a lot better than before and I didn't feel like I was being crushed by a weight twenty-four-seven. "I am good to go." Besides, I was not fond of this mansion that much and that lady in painting was starting to give me creeps.

"That's settled then. This might be the worst decision of my life but I think you need it. We'd leave for Arpa in a few days and then we'd be back and act normal," he settled the plan and left with an arrogant skip in his steps.

I still had not the answer why were we going to Arpa besides that I had an anxiety attack and Dylan thought that I needed it. I did not think I would be able to figure out what would I do in Arpa in a few days. It didn't feel like I was going home but on a war that needed years of preparations.

That was not normal and like every bad thing in my life, I had a feeling we were going to regret this.

---

After returning from work, Dylan dropped the much anticipated and dreaded news:

"We'll leave tomorrow night."

"We'll leave tomorrow night," I repeated to myself as I folded another long-sleeved top. The weather might be cold at home. Though it was not as chilly as other states in the US, it would not be all summery in December like in Perth. I left out my shorts and put the jeans and sweaters. Since I would have clothes back at home, I didn't pack much more than a small duffle bag and put it beside Dylan's bag pack.

Hearing the stifled noise downstairs, I stood on my feet. That must be Dylan returning from his work, whatever he did. The clock beside the bed read 22:40.

"What took you so long today?" I asked as I shut the door. He had installed some LED lamps in the corridor so that I would not crash and break my neck in the dim lighting. It was helpful but not as beautiful as the small lights twinkling like fireflies. Holding the railings tightly, I stepped down on the stairs. "Dylan?" I called again when he did not answer. I could still hear his moment so it bothered me when I didn't get his reply.

"Why aren't you rep...?" When I entered the kitchen, I started to speak but stopped when I realized that it wasn't he who was in the kitchen. "It's you again!" I exclaimed in disbelief looking at the small leopard making a ruckus on the bar. Hearing me, his head perked up and he sharply turned toward me. However, I was not afraid like before, not that much at least. He jumped from the bar and darted toward me. I didn't do anything besides staggering a few steps back.

"You need to get out of here... whatever your name is," I ordered hoping he would back off but he came and rubbed his head against my good leg. "Gosh, are you crazy or something? Go before Dylan comes and shoots your big head off your body. You know he'd do that."

It just went around me and into the living room. "Come back, you little shit." He just growled at me playfully before disappearing behind the couch. "Don't make me run after you. You know I can't." I said as I kept following it. God, he was awfully like an overexcited golden retriever. "Are you sure you're a leopard?" I asked him even though it was not going to answer. I fell back on the couch and put my head on the headrest. It was getting late and I was tired. Dylan sometimes came late but this was later than usual. "I think dad never brought me a dog because he knew it would be wearing, especially if one is like you. He knew everything. Everyone knows everything and how to deal with life's circumstances while I barely know what I want. And even when I figure out one thing, something happens and I start to doubt if what I want is really what I want.

"Like right now. I thought I wanted to go home but when Dylan is taking me there, I am doubting if that's what I want. To be honest, I am scared I won't be able to leave that place once I see it. Do I make any sense?" I lifted my head slightly and gazed at the animal sitting before me. He stood and jumped on my lap. He was surprisingly heavy for his size but somehow it was comforting. He nuzzled his face in my neck before licking my face. "God, don't eat me. I am not tasty." I laughed when he didn't stop. It was tickling. "Where have you come from?" I asked when he settled down a bit. I ran my hands through his soft and warm fur thinking that even Dylan's hair could not be as magnificent as his coat. He raised his paw and put it over my heart. "What do I call you? Cinderella? You come and disappear and I keep thinking about you. Where're your glass slippers?" Hearing my suggestion, he bared his teeth at me. "Pyro? Can I call you Pyro? If I had a dog, I would have called him Pyro." He waited tilting his head to one side then licked my face once again. "Ew, will you stop that?" That only encouraged him in doing it again and until I was laughing my ass off. Not for once I thought it was outrageous, unbelievable, dangerous, impossible and stupid of me to be petting a leopard in my lap. I really did not care even if he'd eat me later.

Everything was calm for a moment until I heard the door opening. Pyro and I both jumped on our feet.

"I didn't think you'd be up," Dylan said when he saw me standing like a statue in the middle of the living room.

"I didn't think that too." I blurted without thinking much. My mind was rather troubled with the thought if he saw Pyro here he would flip.

He twisted his body slightly in my direction as he locked the door, "You're acting weird. Did you break something?"

"Ha-ha, not at all." When he turned toward the kitchen, my eyes quickly scanned the room for Pyro but somehow he had already disappeared without Dylan's knowledge. I let out a sigh of relief and went into the kitchen.

Nothing much happened that night except that when Dylan was fast asleep and I was still awake, a leopard was sitting outside my window.