Unnamed

ONE – i saw paintings in monochrome

My life was a monotone series of events on a loop and I did not think that this day would be any different.

The front door slammed shut with a loud thud. The echo reverberated to my room and my body jerked a little from the bed in alarm. Other than that, I stayed put, absentmindedly focused on the shuffling footsteps through the house, climbing the stairs, pausing for a long breath in front of my bedroom door. I closed my eyes, drew the covers over my head, and emerged out only when I was sure that he had moved on.

My eyes closed on their own accord, lids too bleary to hold the weight of wariness I felt. Somewhere fighting between being in control and losing control, I lost and later woke up to the sharp horn blaring outside my house.

"Fu-" I am not usually the one to curse aloud but sometimes, like now, words that I slipped through before I could check.

As fast as I can, I matched my outfit with my shoes and dashed towards the door. As usual, dad was already waiting in the hallway; a displeased frown twisted his features otherwise handsome face.

"Good morn-"

He waved a dismissive hand making me halt. "You're late. Again." He bit out clearly irked by my daily routine of being late.

I was ready to spit out an apology but another blare of the horn made me jump. "Sorry," I muttered before I started towards the main door again. I knew he wished to lecture me about my behavior and would have done so if I had time to spare.

The slight chill in the air made me shiver. The pavement was still slick with last night’s rain and I tried my hardest to keep my pace and not fall. Despite my best attempt, on the last step, I did stumble. Thankfully, Solomon was ready to steady me. He cast an impatient glare at my heeled boots and urged me to climb in the car.

“Good mor-” Just like my father, he wasn't interested in what I have to say. Solomon was obedient and almost robotic and that’s why dada trusted him enough to leave me alone with him. He brushed me off with another grunt.

My lips parted and closed, I faced the window and waited for this ride to be over. Clouds, heavy and dark rolled over out head, giving me a weird feeling in my stomach. Known for its warm weather, Arpa, on the south end of this country barely sees dark days dominated by the chill and heavy clouds. Personally, I did not prefer days like this.

“Fay, don’t you wanna come to Shana’s party?”

Shana the girl with a head full of red hair but not quite like my blood red ones glared at me expectantly. For a moment, I forgot, Amanda’s question as I studied the faces around me. There was always a space for me on this table, people ready to talk to me, help me with anything I needed. Amanda chewed her chewing gum with fervor, eyes narrowed in a bored manner. They all were looking at me yet not really focused on me and I realized it would never matter if I joined them or not.

"Excuse me," gathering my belongings with one hand, I pushed my chair with the other and left.

---

My dad wasn't surprised to find my love for designing jewelry. Barely a twitch of eyebrows showed the acknowledgment. Being the face behind world's well-recognized brand of expensive jewelry, maybe my dad expected me to follow his path to the fashion industry. After middle school, instead of sending to a regular high school he enrolled me in an art academy. Loxve Academy for Arts was an estimated educational foundation focusing solely on students with love for music, literature, and art- basically creators.

Eastern wing of building A was reserved for the Annual Art Exhibition. It consisted of a grand hall commodious enough to hold a large number of people without making it feel stifled and crowded. Several small rooms surrounded the hall worked as the store to keep all of the artworks safely.

In these secluded corners, I felt at ease than anywhere else. No prying eyes, no judgmental stares, no walls closing up on me. Sometimes I wished I could disappear into the spotless white of these walls so I didn't have to return to anywhere, I'd just move forward without looking back.

If I ever get to leave my life behind, I'd never look back.

The faint sound of a door sliding against its axis caught my attention.

Being tucked in one of the small rooms, I couldn’t be sure who it was and I made no effort to quench my curiosity. I peered back at the list I had in my hand and continued to check the paintings. This was not my work but helping with the organization of AAE was far better than spending hours In Mr. Howards’s class going through Modern form of Witchcraft.

However, when the steps started to come toward me, I peeked out of the corner and was startled to see the person.

I never did well with names, never bothered to remember. It came as no surprise to me when I only recognized this person solely by his features. This was a familiar face; something intriguing that roamed about these long hallways, sometimes I would see it in one of my classes, and sometimes carry it in my memory to home.

Never before had I spared this many thoughts over anyone, let alone be bothered by someone’s presence. But since he had joined the school, I had been acutely aware of him. It was unnerving; an emotion that I could feel more physically than emotionally. Who was he and why was I so affected by him? And yet, any idea of being near him and actually starting a conversation seemed ridiculous.

I awkwardly continued to sort out paintings but I was mentally focused on the presence beside me. I was hoping he would go away but at the same time, I didn't want him to leave.

We both faced each other at the same time, awkwardly diverted our gaze. A moment later, we both faced each other again and spoke at the same time.

“You shouldn’t be here.”

“I am working for Mrs. Parker.”

“I have the permission slip from Mrs. Parker,” I repeated as I fumbled for the slip tucked in the clipboard. He waved a nonchalant hand before I could forward it. Uneasily, I dropped my hands to side as we both stared at the paintings lined on the wall.

I waited, hoping that he had more to say but my lips turned down into a frown when he left. The door silently closed behind him. I didn't know why I was feeling disappointment settling inside me. It wasn't like I was used to people talking to me or I talked to anyone... anymore.

When mom and dad were together, eight years back, I used to have friends, somewhat a social life. My dad was a jewelry designer of his personal brand and mom was a cardiologist. We were like every other high profile family. We were rich and happy. But when mom and dad divorced, everything changed drastically.

Dad had slapped me when I asked him if I could go to the sleepover party at Anna's. I was eight. He had never hit me before and I was too shocked to cry. After that, he started yelling, laying out new rules that included me never leaving him. I was not allowed to have a friend or go somewhere. My life started to conclude upon a journey from home to school and then back to home, homework, and cooking for dad and his friends. My friends, who first tried to help me but eventually accepted my distant behavior. Chatting in classrooms turned into curt nods and hesitant smiles until I became almost mute. And I was not at all enthralled by these changes but I never protested.

Now, we were just rich.

I had no idea why after all these years I was disappointed by, out of all the people, his silence, this guy I knew nothing of. Some things never change and sometimes my life was one of those things.

---

It was hard to keep track of my thoughts all the time so I didn’t question myself when I started thinking of that boy.

"Fay! Fay! What's burning on the stove? I don't know if there is anything you have done right ever!" My dad's voice brought my focus on the dinner I was working on.

Startled, I frowned at the almost burnt mess in the pan.

Damn!

I quickly turned off the burner. I put away the pan and rushed out of the kitchen.

"I am sorry, dad! I just got busy with... stuff." I apologized quickly before he started with his lectures.

I couldn't let him know about my thoughts. Did not believe that he’d like my distracted over a boy. Things had been made clear enough and all of them ended up me forgetting (or at least pretending for him) that no one else in this world existed for me.

He made a face clearly not at all pleased with me, like always. My dad, Paul Madison, was a very fancy man and looked younger than his age. He always wore everything that screamed money and a lot of it. Fame and money had done wonders to him. His head was clean shaved and eyes were same green as mine. He always had one diamond stud in his left ear and a crooked smile on his thin lips. He was taller than average men and build in all right places. Sometimes, I wondered if I would have loved him if he weren't a complete asshole. Yes, I would have because even in his jerkiest moods, I liked him alright and cook him best meals in the world.

"Just go! Get away from here and fix it. I don't want to serve that rubbish and get it done soon. She must be coming," he walked away mumbling.

She? It was no secret that he dated frequently. In his position, who would not? But he had never brought his she-friends home. After cleaning up the pan, I resumed with the cooking, this time making an effort to not to get distracted by the deepest blue eyes I see in my memory.

---

Our guest who turned out to be my dad's new girlfriend, Samantha seemed nicer than the others who had come and gone. I really felt sorry for her. She seemed so sweet (and stylish) with her platinum fingerwaves held in place with hairspray, light blue eyes, a small pierced nose, oval face, and flawless naturally tan skin. She was dressed in a yellow hand-knit peplum dress, showcasing her long tights-clad legs and knee-high Jimmy Choo boots. Only if I could tell her what a devil she was wasting her time on.

But I was smarter than that. One wrong word and I knew what would happen. She helped me to set the table, with serving and she even complimented my food. It'd been a while since someone sincerely had tried to be nice to me. It really felt good if I chose to ignore the glare of my dad.

"What are your plans for future, Fay? Your dad has mentioned that you're in LAA." Sam suddenly turned her conversation toward me.

I swallowed glumly, glanced at dad, then at Sam, and forced a smile on my lips, "I-uh... I-" I wanted to go to a designing college or get a job in some small boutique. But if I revealed that to Sam then dad would think that I was planning this all to get away from him and he'd get angry. Now, I didn't want that.

Dad interrupted with one of his charming laughter, "She is very shy around people. She must have thought something smart for herself. I am sure, right, Fay?"

I silently nodded my head and shrunk back in my seat. Thankfully, no one questioned me further. My dad wasn't completely wrong about me being nervous around new people. It had become hard for me to connect with people after years of being shut out. Not wanting to be again a target of Sam's question, I excused myself from the table. Dad looked as if he appreciated my move. I washed my plate and made my way toward my bedroom.

My bedroom was probably the smallest room of our two floored mansion but bigger than a room of a normal house. It was not my dad's choice but I insisted on a smaller room. I had never bothered to paint it in eight years. The walls were still mint cream white. The ceiling was black with radium stickers of random forms stuck here and there. My room had every finesse of a modern day room.

From custom made bathroom to shelves souvenirs from different countries and places I had visited with dad, I had too much in my room. I was not going to lie, I enjoyed these privileges but I was not super attached to them. I still longed for the family I used to have.

I sighed closing the door behind me. Even my room was not mine. I felt like so modern-day princess stuck in her castle.

I dragged a pillow, a soft green blanket, my school bag by the window and pushed back the heavy curtains that covered the glass door to backyard. The evening had left a night with bright stars and a full moon behind. My house was in the outskirts of the city, providing enough peace and space I needed from lights. I sat on the floor with my homework.

Then came in my sketchpad. No one knew this, not even me until three years back when Anna had found my old sketchpad and said that I had gotten my dad's talent in designing. I wasn't even aware that I could design, much less they were good. First, it was nothing more than a time pass but suddenly, I started to find peace in it. I started to improve and kept sketching until it became a passion and now a dream. I wanted to be a designer but not a big one like my dad. I didn't know if I was going to a college or not but if I could then it would be a designing one.

Sam was still at home and I thought she might stay today. Closing the sketchpad, I tossed it with my homework. Discarding my bed, I laid on the floor with my head on the pillow while staring out of the glass door. Another day was over with everything as it should be.

But what was going to happen was neither a part of my daily life nor had I expected something like this to happen.

I was just on the brink of falling asleep when I woke up with a jolt, hearing someone scream. It clearly was not my father. I wasted no time in hurrying downstairs.

I really hoped it was not something I was dreading to see. It couldn't be but I didn't believe my luck. I was halfway downstairs when I collided with... Samantha?

Was it her who screamed? Taking in her appearance it did not take me long what had happened.

She clutched tightly to my body. Her platinum blonde hair was in every place. Her pretty yellow dress was torn and she was mindlessly scared. Soon, my dad also came. He was completely drunk though I didn't expect anything better if he was sober.

"Fay, go back to your room," he shouted. Even drunk, he managed to pull his bossy face on me.

"Please no!" Sam cried on my shoulder.

Ignoring him, I turned to Sam, "I am sorry, Sam. A-are you-?" She shook her head. "I am really sorry. Please leave. You can take my coat. Go soon." I hurried her toward my room. Without question, she followed my direction and I turned toward my dad. I know he would be so mad now.

"Do not do this, dad. What happened? Why are you so... different now?" I asked sadly.

"I have told you so many times to stay away from my business,” he hissed as he tried to climb upstairs. I should have run in my room and locked the door but I did not. I just stood there frozen.

"Dad what are you trying to do is wrong. She is our guest." I gulped down, calculating his steps.

"I have not asked for your stupid advice!" he roared that made me take a step back.

He was now only a few steps away from me. My mind told me to run away from there but for some unknown reason, I did not move from there. Maybe wishing that today he would realize his mistake. Maybe today he would stop and not do what he had been doing past these years. Maybe…

He slapped me. I didn't waver this time. I stared back in his hollow green eyes that reflected mine back. My cheek stung with pain.

"I am not sorry for what I am doing. She does not deserve it." I stood firmly on my ground. Entire day's frustration burned my senses. I would regret it later but right now, I wanted nothing more than an argument with my dad. He slapped me again, just two times harder. I stumbled back a step. Before I could regain my balance, he mercilessly grabbed my hair and pulled back my head.

"You f*****g are not my boss! You think what you did is funny? I'll tell you what fun is." With that, he pushed me hard on the ground.

A breath of pain left me when my body crashed against the railing. I didn't get the time to take a break with that pain when my dad registered me with another kick. To protect myself from the blows I turned to another side, which only resulted in my head colliding with the edge of the railing. My eyes almost rolled in the back of my head. I laid there for I didn't know how much time. Not even the thick liquid running down from my head got my attention. All I could register was the loud voices of Sam and my dad. I slowly got up to my feet, still wavering from side to side. I took the support of the railing to prevent from falling. Through my blurred gaze, I could make out two figures, which were four-five steps away. I vaguely remembered trying to hold on dad but lost balance. We both slipped down from the stairs. My right ankle got stuck in one of the gaps between the railing, halting my fall but I was sure I had broken a bone in my ankle. The pain was so intense that didn’t notice dad falling further or Samantha screaming. I couldn’t help but let out a broken sob and when I couldn’t take the pain anymore, I passed out.