Act Natural

Ch. 4 - The Audacity

***

My father used to tell me, "Keep your friends close, but keep your enemies closer" and that saying would constantly come back to haunt me whenever I made an enemy, which was pretty often. It was probably the last pleasant thing he said before our relationship went to hell. Actually, that would be an understatement. Our relationship isn't exactly that good. Hell would be hot, and our relationship was cold (hashtag, deep). Father would avoid me just like a human would to a spider. Meaning, he would ignore me most of the time, break my s**t when he's genuinely annoyed, force me to conceal myself in my little corner, and make me cooperate otherwise I would die. But then again, if I don't cooperate and eat the things he is annoyed about, I would die from starvation. That was clearly an exaggeration and, perchance, made little sense, but don't hurt me. I'm just a little spider. I heard the ladies liked spiders, anyway.

"Keep your friends close, but keep your enemies closer" gave me the impression that Exuvius is, in fact, my enemy. Seeing as he is on top of me, and he's so close I can smell his cologne. It overpowered the scent of dandelions and dry earth. Again, if anyone were to see us in this position, it would look extremely bad. Extremely gay and extremely bad.

The audacity of this tall w***e.

I heard Exuvius groan and roll off me and onto the grass. "What... What the fu—"

"We don't say bad words in this mother-f*****g household, Exuvius," I interrupt humorously as Exuvius looks around, taking in the cold autumn air. The white dandelions flew off the ground and into his face. The outcome resembled one of those Snapchat filters. "This- where... are we...?" He mumbles, looking down at his dirt-covered hands. "Weren't we in Willowfield just now?"

I only nod and get myself back up on my feet. "Mhm," I hold up my pen to show Exuvius. "' Says here it's—"

"October 23, 1780" The male robotic voice sounded from the pen, interrupting me abruptly. "New York City, United States of America." Text on the little screen on the barrel accompanied the sound on cue.

"Ah, great. Right in the middle of revolution!" I grunted, shoving the pen back in my pocket. I pat my trench coats sleeve to get rid of some shredded grass I had settled on. "A'right—we're safe for now. Any questions?"

Exuvius looks at me with his signature poker face. Does he even smile? "Millions."

"Oh, really? Millions?" I scorn and raise an eyebrow at him.

"Look, I am in utter confusion, and for some reason, I'm... tired. So can you not mock me right now?"

"Psh," I scoff, crossing my arms. "Aren't you immortal? You know, you can't feel pain and stuff? Or are you just... really weak?"

"I'm immortal, not invincible. There's a difference, you ass."

"Who're you calling an a*s?!" I fumed, digging my fingers into my palm. "I'm the only one who can bring you back to your life in the present, do you really want to fight me?!!"

"You're like 6 inches tall. I'll take you on any time, princess." He sassed back, giving me a smirk. I guess that counted as a smile?

"Ugh! I HATE YOU!" I cursed angrily, flipping my middle finger at his face. "And don't call me princess!! If you haven't noticed, I'm a man. I have a p***s. And I'm not THAT spoiled. "

"You seem like you are though."

"Why are we stuck together again? Oh, YEAH! Because you ran in and saved me. Thanks for that, but I didn't really need your help."

"God," He huffs. "You're a brat. If I hadn't come out there and beat the s**t out of that guy, you wouldn't be here right now."

"And you're lucky I'm NICE!! I'd have to live with the guilt if I left you here, but it's still on the table."

I glare at him coldly.

He glares back.

Rule #6 – When time traveling with another individual, The Pen takes up 20% more energy than taking one individual back in time. You have the choice to leave this person in the past and save energy for future use, but it is not recommended, for it could coax chaos into the space-time continuum.

Yeah, right. Chaos. This guy's so boring and quiet, I bet the most exciting thing he did all his life was breathe.

"......You know what? I'm too sober for this," I turn to him and jerk my thumb towards the path leading into a forest. On the other side of the forest, dark smoke rose into the sky. There was a town there.

"Wanna go get a drink?"

***

We stood in front of an old-timey tailor's shop. A glass window displays gowns and suits of all shapes and colors. Every piece was probably worth a fortune- but I didn't have to worry about that. I'm friends with the owner- not like I'd know what friends are. I prefer calling them "acquaintances". Being a time traveler, I know when, where, and how they would die eventually, even if they weren't the famous type. Either way, it was no use getting too attached.

"... You said drink." My companion says exasperatedly, staring ahead towards the glass window.

"We can't get a drink in these clothes. I don't think our sweater vests fit this era... If we're gonna walk around without getting noticed, we should blend in." I nattered and walk up toward the shop. "There's someone I need to visit too." I push the door open, hearing the little bell ring and the chatter of people inside.

It looked bigger inside than it did outside. It was predominantly shades of white, black, and gold aside from the gowns and suits. A large ornate desk rests near the entrance, catching the sunlight that pooled on the surface of the ink-covered paper. A woman sat on a chair behind the desk, writing on a piece of parchment.

Behind the counter were two bookshelves beside a wooden staircase that led to the second floor. There were only a few customers at the time. It was mainly men waiting for their wives to finish up in the dressing rooms. I felt out of place with my dirty trench coat and simple vest, but the reason I came here in the first place was to change that.

"Excuse me, Miss?" I look to the lovely black woman at the desk. It was nice seeing people of color in the 1700s who weren't being tortured or worse, killed, for a change. "We'd like your finest clothes, please. Something that would fit us both." I bring her hand to my lips and plant a little kiss like a gentleman, making her smile.

"Of course, sir!" She chirped, getting up to lead us to an assortment of coats of all colors, shapes, and sizes. The wood under our feet creaked with every step, in need of repair.

"A'right, b***h!" I say, patting a mannequin wearing a blue coat and looking at Exuvius. He purses his lips into a frown at 'b***h'. "Do you think I'd look good in blue?"

***

I adjusted my sapphire waistcoat in front of the mirror, lightly patting away the dust and making sure everything was in place properly. It had golden trim and reached the back of my knees. A vest the same color hung off my shoulders and hugged my waist tightly. Underneath, I had a shirt with lace ruffles that brushed against my bare skin. The clothes were ridiculously comfortable and I could move freely. And the best part? I looked great. I gave my reflection a wide grin and held up 2 finger guns. "Hey there, handsome!"

Behind me, Exuvius grumbled, fixing up his own coat. "Can we go now? I'm already done so... " He was wearing a black one and everything that he wore looked almost identical to mine apart from the colors. His long hair was in a ponytail with a braid on the right side of his head, just like earlier. I smiled obnoxiously. "You look nice. Not as nice as me, but you'll manage."

"Ha."

The loud opening and closing of a door interrupted our little banter. "Good Afternoon, everyone!" A man's voice hummed from the same source. Heavenly light shone from the skylight above, pure white doves seemed to swoop down from the heavens to shield the mysterious figure from the sun, everyone turned towards him, falling under his spells of charm and I'm just kidding none of that happened. It was another familiar face.

"Willias?" The man gasped as soon as he saw me. "Oh my GOD, you got smaller!"

Smack.