MILES AWAY

IV- Magoa

IV- Magoa

Magoa                                                                                                                                                                       

[ˈmaɡwa] Sorrow, grief, hurt

"I love thee with a love I seemed to lose 

With my lost saints. I love thee with the breath, 

Smiles, tears, of all my life; and, if God choose, 

I shall but love thee better after death."

                                - How Do I Love Thee? (Sonnet 43)                                                                                 

He always had a hold on himself—his behavior, his routines, his actions and foremost his thoughts. He had always been assisted by none, but him. An ability so powerful, that could destroy several.

But Manya seemed to be that only exception in his life. She had occupied his entire mind for the whole night and the following day.

Is it because she was the first female he had opened up to?

Or is it something else?

Manan had lost the game with his own mind. War with one's own mind has never been beneficial.

The pale walls of his room didn't seem to catch his eyes anymore, for his mind was on something else.

The first light in the morning soothes your eyes, but the twinkle in the eyes and the beam on the face is when it captivates your soul.

Manan didn't know about attraction, about love. But Manya sure did captivate him.

Love is what which makes the toughest of all weak to their knees. It is an illusion to a perfect world. Everyone deserves to be loved, to be cherished but only a few experiences it.

From the first second Manan awoke, he had his phone in his hand. Having read their texts for over ten times, he cursed at how pathetic he was behaving.

The thoughts of Manya had bugged him the whole night and he had no clue what these fellow feelings are all about.

He wanted nothing but the warmth in his heart to be due to the welcome of a new 'friend' in his life. Nothing else. Nothing.

Manan never experienced this kind of attachment nor did he want to.

But hearts cannot be caged.

All through the day, Manya had somehow slipped into his mind and stayed there. He had difficulty in focusing. He thought about all the things he would talk about today. With her of course.

Manan couldn't put his finger on what made him this impatient, this restless. What was all that nervousness about?

Manan concluded it to be how Manya had the same nature as him when he was small. Those introverted behavior, the love for books, the innocence, all seemed to be just like how he was when he was a teen.

He could see a speck of him in her. Finding oneself in someone is one of the greatest feelings ever. Every other relation starts with a fleck of connection. And he surely had felt it.

He was surprised at how different this girl was. Being a part of an Indian family, he had tons of cousins, and never did he see a girl like her.

He knew he was making a major judgement, still he couldn't help but think of her as being close to perfect, if not the perfection herself.

These many assumptions after only one day of knowing her, when you haven't even seen her face to face?

This question did arise in Manan's mind but Manan himself didn't know what had happened to himself.

Every person, at some point in their life, finds their purpose, the purpose for which one has been sent to this Earth, the purpose for which one is living and the purpose for which one will sacrifice their life. Purpose has its own way through the heart for the heart sees what the minds cannot.

The heart wants what it wants.

And here, in the other end of the country, Manya's condition was no different.

She was apprehensive of how Manan had sparked of something in her which had opened herself to new understandings and mostly unknown feelings.

As a girl, she had been hearing stories about prince and princesses since she was a baby. She was fascinated by this kind of worlds where everything happens and happens for good.

But maturity kills innocence.

Hardships in life are as common as finding stars on a clear night. Life is never and will never be a fairy land. Happiness, merriment, jollity looks better in books.

Reality is ugly.

But the fondness she grew towards Manan in less than 24 hours made her doubt her way of looking into things.

The bond, the sparks which she felt being as far as one thousand miles, is unreal.

The whole day at school, she had been annoyed and mentally tormented by her so-called boyfriend. She never ever realized why did that boy claim himself to be her boyfriend one year back.

Is it because of a bet?

She didn't know. She tried her best to stay away and ignore him, but he always got his way into her private space.

The level of clinginess the guy possessed was out of this world. A slap in the face should have suited his pretty face.

But violence is not always the answer.

Manya never opened up to anyone. In her perspective, the world doesn't value people, it values people's deeds, their belongings and their stature. Opening up to someone was never in her mind.

But Manan made him realize that there are still some real and authentic people in this world.

Though he was a creep for asking her number abruptly but she had gotten over that.

But she was unsure of how close she was feeling to a stranger, how everyone seemed to fade away when she thought about him, how his every little word floated in her mind.

She was afraid. Afraid of being falling into a trap.

So, disregarding her every urge to talk to him, she finally decided to ignore him as she had been ignoring everyone until then.

Hours passed and she felt satisfied for controlling herself.

A new notification

It was from him.

No.

She had promised herself to be strong. She decided not to reply.

1 minute

2 minutes

5 minutes

She can't. She can never.

No authority can reign over fate. What is supposed to happen, will happen. There's no in between.

Picking up her phone from the bedside table, she opened the message.

Hey, how are you?

Her finger ran over the keypad automatically as if they were longing for messaging him.

Hey I'm good. How are you doing.

Sent. Delivered. Seen.

Was he waiting for her?

'No, you fool, he was not' Manya's head was then thinking of all sorts of negative things.

You replied late. Are you busy? We can talk later if you want.

Now, this was the time when Manya seemed to have fallen in her own made hole.

We can talk. I'm free now. Was studying, nothing else.

She sent the text and prayed to the Gods above to not make him think of her as a weirdo.

Oh ok. How has your day been?

Manya was ecstatic to talk with him. It seemed like he was the best part of her day. But she was sure enough to maintain the distance. Not the actual one, but she didn't want him to know those unknown feelings she was developing for him through her texts.

Manya didn't want him to run away from her. That would be heart breaking.

The sudden realization froze her.

What was happening to her?

But before she could think-

Hey I wanted to tell you something

Lub-dub

Lub-dub

Lub-dub

She didn't know why this simple text from him increased her heartbeat.

She hurriedly texted back.

Oh yeah. What is it?

Typing....

Each second seemed like a year to her. What is it that he's going to tell? Could have been a simple thing. But her heart decided to disagree.

I went to the hospital today

Hospital? Did something happen or what?

Why though? Fever?

Yes. I'm okay now.

That's all matters. He's okay. Manya was a fool for thinking so many things.

There was a nurse there who assisted us

Oh.

Okay. So?

Why was she feeling so uncomfortable?

She was so beautiful

Ouch.

I think I have a crush on her...

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