MILES AWAY

X- Smultronställe

 X- Smultronställe

Smultronställe

smUl-tron-'stel-e  

A special place discovered for solace and relaxation

He repossessed the last strings of his sanity and beheld his breadth to the point that his chest burnt, burnt due to the grief that engulfed him, but today he let it. He let the heartache wash over him, for it was no one but him at fault. His heart was now broken to pieces, completely shattered to the extent of being unrepairable.

Why did he have to fall for her?

He regretted—regretted falling in love, regretted realizing this late.

He asked the divine being above for snatching what he ever wanted. Somewhere, in his thoughts, Manya had already made a deep impact, something which was so mighty that it was not worth of Manan’s understandability.

It was her who made him feel love.

This was yesterday. And today seemed to be worse. Every passing moment made his mind go back to Manya, and her sweet self, but the next moment it was full of the previous night. Oh, how hard it was for Manan to think about it and not cry. Working at a public place, it was not possible for him to cry, to let all his frustration and sorrow out as if he had not spent the night doing the same.

The seriousness of the situation dawned on him. He was sensible, a person with a heart as rich as gold, and as fragile as a china dish. It was useless to think about forgetting her, for he can’t. He can’t forget Manya and his feelings towards her. They were too strong to erase and too precious to be forgotten.

These feelings were beyond the bounds of Manan, it was new, but Manan liked being in love with Manya, and only Manya. Even if it was one way around. He feared this love would increase with each passing day and might make him fall into his own created pool of despair, something which was a never-ending puzzle.

The longing, the greediness, the depth of his love was dangerous. Dangerous for him.

But he wouldn’t leave her. He would love her, as long as his heart wants. Yes, from afar. But his Manya had pinned him to her, and he would definitely be a fool to leave her.

The days passed.

So did months. The arrival of the new year came with the new wants, new longings that they had somewhat formed, and craved to be real.

The winter season perfectly describes how love should be. A warm cozy feeling, new sensations of comfort and satisfaction, an intimacy so hard to describe that it can only be felt, felt through every fiber of one’s being.

“Aren’t you going to buy a cake for Christmas?” Manya questioned. She was curious if there was anything that he did for himself alone. All this time she had been with him, she had never seen him do something for his own happiness.  The thing she noticed was that –he puts everyone before him, whether it is as small as helping a colleague in the office or finding a friend a home to live in. Yes, he did everything. But he forgets that he is also a human, and by some means or the other, people also forget to appreciate him for what he does, selflessly.

“I never really do anything for Christmas, let alone any other occasion. Life isn’t all bubbly when you live far away from your family”

Manya couldn’t do anything other than being sympathetic to his situation. She was nowhere near close to comfort him. His big-heartedness at the end still makes him feel alone.

Manya felt as if she should ask him to do something this time, she wanted him to know that she was going to be beside him at all times, after all, it was the thinking that matters. A thousand miles suddenly didn’t feel like a hefty matter to her. Love doesn’t care about distance, does it? If it did, then Manya wouldn’t have met Manan in the first place.

“You are going to do something this time” The finality in her voice made Manan a little bit alarmed, but mostly the ‘angry mother’ tone of her voice made him laugh a little. This was a new side of her, and he already loved it.

“You will buy a cake, I don’t know from where, but you will. And you have to send me a photo of it with you as proof” Manan can already picture the ‘oh I’m not so fool’ smirk of Manya when she asked for the proof. It was funny as hell. He couldn’t believe how much effect she had on him. Her one word and he is hooked.

They had gotten so much closer. The first day was a stark contrast to what they were today. Manan found every day to be much more exciting, he now looked forward to living every day. He never thought that he will fall in love, moreover with someone like Manya. She understood him the best and he hopes this time with her never ends. He had unknowingly wanted Manya to be it for him, even if it took a significant amount of time, but now that he realized it, he wouldn’t deny. She was not a want; she was a need. She was a solace that he never thought he needed.

“Okay ma’am, I will. But you have to do the same too.” There he goes sending curveballs at every day at Manya.

But Manya knows how to tackle things, especially when it's Manan.

The two bickered until all their cheeks cursed them to death due to constant smiling. They both had already turned into new persons. Manan never really got the idea of late-night calls with partners, and look at him now, he was loving every moment of it. The beauty of her voice, the satisfaction of being able to hear her every breath, ahh it was pure heaven. The same was with Manya. She had completely lost herself to him. Oh, the effect of new love.

Both of them fantasized about being together and expected the other to reciprocate the love they felt for each other. It was certain that both of them had a slight idea of their liking to each other, but some things are better to fantasize than screwing the whole thing up by making it real.

The confrontation was far from their mind. It was ridiculous to even think about that as they were still too shy and afraid and nervous and much more than words can convey. Maybe at some point in the future, when their walls would vanish, leaving them bare to each other, then they will voice their heart out, but not now.

But as it wasn’t their wish to have gotten the chance to meet, the same way everything wasn’t going to be like what they thought of.

Ultimately, no one better than two aching hearts could better cherish their equals.