Someone Else

In a previous life

It's ridiculously hot today as I go down to the motorcycle garage. I'm glad we have PE today, I wouldn't be able to withstand this heat in the usual uniforms.

I turn the engine on and kick up the kickstand. The security guard smiles at me and I give an awkward smile back before driving out.

It's Tuesday right? No, Wednesday. We have an Algebra test that I didn't study for today. s**t, guess I'll ask Minh Anh to help. Crisis averted.

Everyone said I'd get used to the heat but it's been seven years and I still can't tolerate it.

I look at myself in my side mirror. I look like every other Vietnamese girl here but I'm so different than them and they treat me differently too. How annoying.

The road to school is long and crowded. I'm going to be late again. Damn, that's the third time this week.

If the roads weren't so crowded at 6:30 am then I'd be early. Between the heat, the crowd and the sound of motorcycle engines, I feel like screaming.

Too much sound. Too much heat. Too much pollution. Too much...everything.

No, I'm not going to be late today. Just no.

When the light turns green, I speed forward, expertly dodging the incoming traffic on both sides. What kind of stupid ass traffic light system do they have here? The road is never clear to go, there's always people driving towards me, no matter what district I'm in.

6:35, I see the first bridge. I might actually be on time today. I drive faster, using one hand to shove the laptop bag I use as a bookbag behind me so it doesn't get in the way. The motorcycle wobbles a bit but I'm used to that happening.

6:40, the second bridge is unbearably crowded, it takes extra effort to weave through. I see some toddlers and grimace. They should be asleep at this time. Hell, I should be asleep at this time.

I remember when we lived in the States, school started at 8. Oh how I miss those days. How I miss that godforsaken yellow bus where kids would throw paper balls at me.

If it weren't so humid, this breeze would feel so nice.

6:45, the school is almost in sight, I go faster. Parking takes at least 5 minutes, the walk to the actual campus takes 3. f**k, I'll be one minute late again. They can't excuse one stupid minute? No, of course not. They like making my life extremely frustrating.

I see the school! I turn on my turn signal and glance in the mirror.

"Coi chừng kìa!" ("Watch out!") Someone screams at me.

I look forward and see a f*****g truck speeding towards me. Dammit, the driver's eyes are closed, I'm driving too fast.

At least I won't have to go to school today.

The truck makes impact with the front of my motorcycle first, throwing me forward. I feel my wrists snap before I'm thrown against the truck's windshield.

Crack. Crack. Crack. Thump.

The truck finally brakes and I'm thrown forward and hit the road with another crack.

It hurts so f*****g bad but I'm not unconscious yet. f**k, why? Why does the world hate me so much? I can't move, I feel wet all over. Blood. My blood. Tears well up in my eyes and I grit my teeth.

I can't feel anything but pain. I can't move my neck or arms or legs. If I survive this, I'll probably be paralyzed.

Please, God. Answer my prayer this one time. Let me die.

People's vehicles skid to a stop and they surround me, speaking quickly in Vietnamese.

I don't want the last thing I say to be in a language I don't like. "Don't call an ambulance yet."

They stop and look at me in confusion. None of them understand English, damn it. An elderly woman is already calling for an ambulance.

I won't speak Vietnamese. I won't.

"Val!" I hear a South African teacher, Mr Trenton call my name. I've always liked him, he was kind.

He comes into my line of sight, shock painted on his face. He kneels down over me. "You'll be okay, an ambulance is coming soon."

"No. Not yet." I begged. I'm not bleeding out fast enough.

"Oh, Val." He said sadly. He knows how much I hate it here, he knows my mental state. "Just hold on, it's not your time yet."

I groan. "That's what I'm afraid of." I said. "Take my phone, draw an L, text Liam on w******p. Tell him what happened. It's in my bag. Please, just do this for me."

He nods and gets my bag that flew a couple feet away. "Do you want me to call him?" He asked, drawing the lock pattern.

"Yes, please." I said. I want the last person I talk to to be Liam.

He puts the phone to my ear.

"Hello? What's wrong, baby?" Liam asks.

"I've been in a really bad accident. I'm still laying paralyzed on the street, an ambulance is on the way but I won't make it." I said quickly. "Bubba, I'm sorry. I don't want to be here anymore. I'm sorry."

"No! Baby, hold on, help is coming!" He yells through the speakers. "Please, you'll get past this. I love you."

I sniff. "I'll be paralyzed, my neck is broken, it's a miracle I'm still awake. I won't be here for the rest of my life. I can't. I love you but you can't ask me to do this."

"I'm asking you to try for us! I'll fly there. I swear it."

No. No he can't. "I love you, I'm sorry." I said. "Mr Trenton, please hang up. And hold on to my phone. My parents are not to get it."

He hangs up and tucks the phone into his pocket.

The world is swimming now, I feel pins and needles everywhere. My vision starts to blur. Okay, it's starting. The pain will end soon.

"You're my favorite student." Mr Trenton said.

"I know." I replied, smiling weakly. "You're my favorite teacher. In my phone there's a will I wrote in Notes. I'm to be cremated, my books as well. Mix the ashes and spread us into the sea over a cliff side."

Black spots are appearing. I close my eyes and everything falls away.

Finally. I will have peace.

___________________________________

More yelling in Vietnamese. So much yelling, it's so f*****g annoying.

I hear them but I can't speak or move. What's going on? Why am I still here?

There's a steady beeping. No, my heart is steady. f**k, this can't be happening.

My mother is screaming hysterics at who I assume is the doctor. At least there is no pain. Have I been in surgery yet?

My dad speaks up after some time. He sounds grim. I'm glad they feel pain. But their pain is nothing like the pain I've endured for seventeen consecutive years.

Please, heavenly father. Take me away from here, I beg of you.

I won't live like this! I'll f*****g die anyways, just let me die this way!

The beeping speeds up as I get upset. I hear the tapping of shoes and then more rapid talking.

Is it time yet? I'll miss Liam so much.

The beeping turns into one single sound that through many seasons of Grey's Anatomy, I recognize immediately. Flatline. My heart has stopped.

I go away again. Hopefully for good this time.