Someone Else

Chapter 24

It's almost four in the morning, Matt hasn't come back yet.

I sit on the couch and watch my phone, making sure if he texts or calls for me, I'll be awake and ready.

My stitches on my stomach are throbbing a bit, since I forgot to take my pills tonight. But I'm supposed to take them in three hours anyways.

Dono is sleeping on the couch next to me. I knit my hands together and then apart over and over again, concentrating to not fall asleep.

The truth is, I tried to sleep at first, but after an hour of tossing and turning I gave up. I couldn't sleep without Toothless or Matt.

He didn't have a comforter, no room had one. Because being a gangster meant you couldn't sleep comfortably.

I didn't want Dono to be on the bed, in case I did fall asleep and accidentally throw my leg over him or something.

Some men on night shifts walk by and look at me like I'm crazy. Am I crazy?

When 5 am comes around I realize my fingers are red and stop.

A middle aged man with a jagged scar across his face passes and I perk up. "Excuse me, sir, can I talk to you?" I asked, blinking up at him with puppy dog eyes.

He shakes his head and walks away so I follow him around.

"What's your name?" I asked, following him outside. He stays deathly quiet and I pout. "Okay, then, I'll talk. I wonder where Julius is, I liked him, he brought me food when I was in the hospital.

You know my dog, Dono? Matt hates him and it makes me really sad but it's not like I can do anything about it, ya know?

I think about Gio a lot. All the time, really. I went to the estate in Sicily, to the house I designed, and it was really nice. Everything is just like how I invisioned it. But being inside there felt really sad and I ended up crying on the floor while Matt had to go meet someone. Dono was there and he started barking a lot. He does that when he knows I'm sad.

I really love Italy, especially Rome, but a lot of things here make me feel sad. Like I go somewhere and I think to myself of Gio and what he'd say about it.

Actually a lot of things make me sad nowadays. But Matt is slowly but surely adding himself to the list. He's been gone for a long time, and I can't sleep.

I don't know, I feel like he should at least be a bit nicer to Dono, Gio's dog. I got shot three times getting him out of the forest, and I know he never asked me to but that's still what happened. So he should put a little more effort into being nice to my dog. Wouldn't you agree?

I mean, I know Dono was Gio's dog and Matt hated Gio but Dono is mine now.

Sometimes I think about running away. Like to South Africa or something. I could go live off the grid, just me and Dono. Maybe if I'm far away from everything that makes me sad, I won't feel so alone all the time.

Matt helps sometimes. He does these small things for me to show that he cares about me. And I'm grateful, I really am! But he doesn't tell me any else about himself or anything!

Yeah, I guess he's just been through a lot but I have too! Maybe not as much. Does that mean I shouldn't complain? Probably. I'm not complaining really, it's just hard sometimes.

Mr and Mrs Luciano are going through a hard time too. They couldn't stand being in the house for more than two hours after the funeral. They're away again, this time I don't know where.

I have my own secrets. I'd tell Matt all of them but he's reserved. My secrets are not important at all and his probably are... That's fine. I don't ask him to confide in me, I'm just waiting for the day he trusts me enough.

Sometimes I think that day is really really really far away. Like I'm on my death bed all old and grey and he leans over and says 'I hate parrots' or something. And then I'd die and laugh in hell while the devil is shoving a burning pitchfork up my butthole or something.

I've been waiting for Matt all night, as I'm sure everyone already knows. I forgot to take my pills and now my stitches hurt a bit. But it's fine, it hurt way worse when I was shot there anyways.

Anyways, I've been really lonely for a lot of my life. And I've hated people for most of my life too. They treated me like I was different and being different, God forbid, meant I was destined to be pariah. It wasn't until a few years ago everything was turned around for me, for the better.

No more deadbeat boyfriend, parties, drugs, all of that bullshit. I've never really applied myself before. But when I did, it hailed great results. I'm studying at Columbia now, the Ivy League school.

Yeah, it's been fun. My professors all like me, because I get everything done weeks early. I have perfect grades. I'm really proud of myself, as I'm sure I should be. But I feel like I'm meant to do more than graduate, get a job, marry some Chad and push out some babies.

I do want a family, don't get me wrong. I want four kids, three boys and a girl for them to pick on but protect when it comes to it. Crazy, right? I love kids and animals like crazy. Kids are like animals most of the times. They don't listen to reason, make messes and make weird sounds that you can't understand.

Do you have kids? You look like a family man to me. And I'm not joking about that either.

You know, none of you ever talk to me, the most I can get is a nod or stares when I was accidentally indecent on the balcony yesterday afternoon. That makes me sad too.

Matt acts up whenever Dono is around so it hardly feels like he's really there with me. Because the Matteo I know is smiling, laughing and always joking around.

It's hard, because I'm responsible for Dono now. I can't leave him alone in a house. I know you guys are there but I don't think you play with him. Dono feels lonely, just like me.

I try to go out with Matt as much as I can but I have Dono to think about too! Why can't they just get along?

You know, I cried today too. In the shower. Pathetic, right? Today started out great too, Matt took me to the Colosseum and drove me around and I picked up a lot of pretty rocks. But the second we got home, he was being big bad gangster Matteo, scowling all the time.

I can scowl all the time too, I mean, I used to be like that so it'll be easy to revert back. But if I did that he'd get all upset and stuff. I try to keep him happy but I just can't.

It feels like I'm failing sometimes. Failing Matt, failing myself, whatever.

You know something, I don't owe him jack s**t. I don't have to swallow down my pain and anger and frustration but I still do. Can't he see that I put too much effort into this relationship compared to him?

Relationship, I'm kidding myself. We're completely platonic. We kissed once, earlier this year. And that ended with him avoiding me for four months.

I could be with anyone I want. But where am I now? Italy. In the middle of a forest, talking to somebody who won't speak to me, waiting for Matt to come home so I can get some sleep.

There is no shortage of men who want to marry me and be with me until we die of old age. But I don't want any of them. I want Matt. But all he wants is to keep me close as if I'm a collectable item.

You know, like those rare action figures that collectors never take out of the protective casing? Yeah, those. He looks at me like I'm some special thing and he won't even sleep with me.

At this rate, I'll have to force myself on him like a dirty w***e! I'm sure he's slept with a lot of dirty whores too. Oh, how I envy them!

I'm going out if my mind right now. Tonight, well last night technically, I thought about leaving. I could buy a plane ticket and take Dono back with me. Matt would come see me again after another four months probably and it'll be like nothing happened.

I can tell some of you think I'm a gold digger or a rat. When I came, I saw how surprised they were. They expected me to be taller with bigger t**s. They probably even thought I'd slept with Gio too.

Maybe I should run away to South America. I could join the mafia there and maybe live a life of excitement and violence until I get killed. I'd be so lonely but the pain would help me forget.

I've never harmed myself before, I think it's stupid to mutilate your own body when you could get the same pain by sacrificing yourself for others. That's sure to make a lot of people upset, I know.

I've been suicidal before, I've almost died a handful of times before I met Matt. And every single time I regretted not dying.

But when I almost died for Matt, I was glad for once. Actually happy to be alive. And where did that get me? He's avoiding me because of a puppy that loves him. Dono and I love him, why can't he just get along with the dog?

My life has been difficult, more difficult than anyone can imagine. All they see is Amelia Shackler, so pretty and shiny and happy. In truth, I'm only happy for about three hours a day and that's it. Any other time, I feel depressed and want to die or I feel numb.

No one knows that. Especially not Matt. I don't think he'd look at me differently if he knew but I don't tell him because he probably wouldn't act any differently either.

I miss Gio, he showed that he cared for me any time he could. He would call me and text me at least once every month. While Matt's record for staying away is 2 years. I could have easily fallen for Gio, but no, I just had to fall for the brother who's the least affectionate and most likely to run away from me even when I'm in danger. Does that make any sense to you? Of course not."

When I'm done with my one sided conversation, the sun has started to rise.

We had made a large loop and the house is coming back into view. My throat hurts, I just realized that.

"Can I show you some of the things I've picked up?" I asked.

He doesn't reply.

Okay. Tears well in my eyes for the first time and I quickly walk back into the house. I sit on the balcony in one of the guest rooms and sob into knees.

I miss Gio. I wish Matt would come home already.

"Are you okay?" A voice asked from below.

I furiously wiped away my tear and looked down. A guy was there, one of the guards, I've seen him before.

He didn't talk to me then. "I'm fine. Why are you talking to me, I thought you weren't allowed to?"

He holds up a walkie-talkie. "Ours are always on, we're always listening to each other. It's mostly completely silent so..."

"All of you heard my pathetic verbal meltdown?!" I screamed.

"Uh, yes." He said awkwardly. "But I would like to apologize because you were completely right about us, we all had that impression of you."

"Well this is just fantastic! Now I actually should die! Does Matt have one of those?"

"Eh, no. Only us gaurds."

I sigh in relief. "You, down there, catch me." I said, climbing onto the railing.

"No, don't-"

I jump down and he catches me. I grab his walkie-talkie and check if it's on. "If any of you tell Matt or his parents or anyone, I will make your lives a living hell by making Matt so angry that he takes it out on all of you! Don't think I won't! You can ask Julius!"

"Amelia, if you had died then I would have been in deep trouble." The guy said, putting me on my feet.

"Boo f*****g hoo, get over it." I said. My abdomen feels wet. I look down to see my stitches have opened. "Well well well, you might die after all."

He pales as he notices the front if my shirt was now wet. "Codice rosso! La signorina Shackler sta sanguinando, chiama il dottore!" ("Code red! Miss Shackler is bleeding, call the doctor!") He yells into the talkie. He picks me up again and runs into the house.

He puts me down on the kitchen island and I pout. "Do I look like a turkey?"

I take my shirt off and sigh. I was supposed to get my stitches out soon anyways. There was new pink skin around the stitches, now some of the wound is open again. It's not bad and all but this might make the scar deeper.

Four men run into the house, including the guy with the scar, and look at it with terror in their eyes. If I died on their watch, they'd probably all die.

"Come hai potuto lasciare che questo accadesse, Enzio?" ("How could you have let this happen, Enzio?") Scar face demanded. "Non avresti dovuto parlare affatto!" ("You shouldn't have talked at all!")

So the guy's name is Enzio.

"Stava soffrendo, papà. Se non avessi detto niente, sarebbe saltata senza che nessuno la prendesse!" Enzio yelled back. ("She was in pain, Dad. If I hadn't said anything, she would have jumped without anyone catching her!")

"Aha! So you are a family man!" I exclaimed, grinning. "I am always right." I yawn and some more blood comes out.

I press my shirt against it and pout. If I can stop the bleeding, it won't have to be stitched up again, only bandaged.

"Se lei muore, moriamo tutti! Quanto manca all'arrivo del dottore?" Scar face said. ("If she dies, we all die! How long is it until the doctor arrives?")

Dottore means doctor right? And muore means die?

"I'm not going to die, chill out." I said, amused. "It's not bleeding a lot, it should stop soon. You don't have to tell Matt."

"Lei ha ragione. Tecnicamente, è lei che ha saltato." ("You're right. Technically, she jumped.") another guy said. "Può dire al capo che è stato un incidente e abbiamo chiamato il dottore appena in tempo. Questa è la verità comunque." ("You can tell the boss it was an accident and we called the doctor just in time. That's the truth anyway.")

Dono walks in and barks at the smell of blood. "Oh, my poor baby. I'll be fine." I said, hopping down.

They almost blow up as I sit on the floor.

"Amelia, can you please get up?" Enzio begged. It's stopped bleeding anyways.

I get up and go to the sink. I take the scissors and snip off the ruptured stitches, pulling it through. Then I use water to wash off all the blood.

"Dio, lei vuole morire!" A guy yelled in despair. ("God, she wants to die!")

I successfully get all the stitches out without the bleeding starting again and throw my shirt in the trash.

"Alright, here's the deal. I asked you to call the doctor to get the stitches out and that's it." I said sternly. "If the doctor comes and goes quickly enough, Matt will never have to know."

"Sono d'accordo con la signora pazza." ("I agree with the crazy lady.")

They all nod to each other just as a woman with a medical kit comes in. "Dov'è la ragazza del capo?" She asked gravely. ("Where's the boss's girl?")

"I don't know what you said but I'm the patient!" I said, cheerfully.

"Hello, Mrs Shackler." She said with a heavy accent. "Please sit down on the counter for me."

I do so and she inspects the wound. "I don't see anything wrong here?"

I grin. "That's because nothing is wrong where we are concerned, doctor." I said. "Please clean and bandage it up. Then we can all get out of this unscathed."

She nods, understanding what I meant. She gets cotton and povidone and goes to work quickly.

In just five minutes she is putting her things away and going home.

"Now, while I'm here, you will have to converse with me when I wish." I said, picking Dono up. "Or else we might have another incident."

"And what incident might that be?"