Howls of Apollo

Quattuordecim

Things have been bad. They made it back to Forti Polaris the day Skaia woke up and since then, Apollo has had a newfound aloofness to his mate. Suffice to say, it has been a hell of a week for Skaia.

Krii and the rest of the pack members have noticed the not so subtle change in the behavior of their alpha towards their Luna and while the beta and commanders, especially Rush, don’t agree with Apollo’s treatment towards his mate, other pack members were all too willing to follow in his lead.

No one could tell what was running through the alpha’s mind and that alone scared Skaia to the very core. She can’t help but feel the stinging pain of rejection as she witnesses her mate pull farther away with each passing day, dismissing her like a nuisance he can’t be bothered with. The blatant disrespect displayed with no regard whether in the presence of others or not.

She wants to fix this, but she can’t if Apollo doesn’t give her the time of day. So she resorted to cornering him, even downright chasing after him on most days too.

Like today.

“Apollo please talk to me!” She exclaimed, rushing to keep up to step with his hurried ones.

His eagerness to get away from her sent another bout of pain through her heart.

Pushing it down, she reached out to grab his arm, hoping to get him to stop.

She succeeded as Apollo came to an abrupt stop at her side, but the relief was short lived when he pulled his arm away, almost sending her stumbling forward.

“I don’t have time Skaia.” He said in a grave tone. His jaw clenched tight.

“Stop avoiding me.” Her voice mirrored the hurt she felt. She stepped forward, searching his face.

Apollo looked back with blank eyes but she can see the underlying anger, and it did more than sting as she knows it’s directed at her.

“I know my presence poses a threat of another attack, but I don’t want that. I want to help.” She said, almost desperately.

Apollo continued to look at her with no hint of significance.

Braving through the pain, she continued.

“I’m scared of an attack too.” Her voice shook. “I’m so sorry for the fear I’ve brought to the pack, but please,” she looked at him pleadingly. “Let me help.”

Apollo took a slow step forward, footsteps seemingly heavy. She can feel the tension, not the good kind, between them but she held her ground and met his eyes.

“I will decide what’s good for this pack. I will fix the mistake I’ve made by bringing you here.”

His words were like a slap to her face. Her hand flew to her chest where her heart resides almost as if she can feel it breaking.

“You regret bringing me back?” She asked in almost a whisper, looking at him both in hurt and disbelief.

Apollo didn’t respond, continuing to look at her emotionlessly, not at all affected by the hurt visible in her eyes.

She swallowed the lump in her throat and asked the question she never thought she’d ask him.

“If given the chance, are you going to send me away?” It hurt to even ask, and she felt the strength in her legs wane a little bit.

It took Apollo a moment to answer and the next words that came out of his mouth, was the final blow to send her heart shattering at her feet.

“I am willing to do anything for the good of my pack.” He said a breath away from her before pulling back and walking away, leaving her to stare after him.

He was willing to do anything. Even giving up his mate to save his pack. She could understand and accept that, maybe even be happy to hear that a leader could go to such lengths for his pack had she been any other pack member. But no, she’s his mate and she just heard him tell her, to her face, he would be more than willing to lose her if given the choice.

Tears pricked at her eyes as she stared at the way Apollo disappeared to and before she knew it, they slid down her cheeks one after the other.

Feeling like she could faint from the weakness that’s overcome her, she hurriedly made her way back to her room. Silently hoping she wouldn’t pass any of the pack members on the way there, but luck has never been on her side as Krii stood a few feet away from her as she rounded the corner.

Taking in her bloodshot eyes and tear stained face, the Beta hurried towards her, his eyes holding pity. She shook her head at him as he opened his mouth to speak and beat him to it.

“Don’t say anything. I don’t want to have to explain anything. But should the timing be right, tell your alpha this, I wouldn’t give him up for anything in the world. I would rather have the people’s wrath bearing down on me that to lose him.” She managed to say through the shaking of her voice.

She didn’t wait for his reply and continued walking, her vision blurred as more tears pooled at her eyes, and she blinked to let them fall. He might not have rejected her but the pain she’s feeling now comes close to what she thinks it must feel like if he did.

She stumbled into her room, not even making it to the bed as she fell to her knees clutching her chest. The heaviness becoming increasingly intense as her heart is beating faster than normal. She briefly wonders if Apollo could feel what she’s feeling now, but then the scene that just happened played out, sending another wave of pain, enough to elicit a sob out of her.

She clutched the side of her bed with one hand as she clutched her chest with the other. Her breaths are coming out in pants as her sobs make themselves known as well, making her wish at that moment for everything to just go away.

She can’t think with the pain so overwhelming. She looked up and caught a glimpse of the trees from the outside.

The thought hit her immediately. Her breath began to calm and the pain in her chest became a dull ache. It was impulsive and she has no following plan, but she’s made her decision.

Granted, before the confrontation she had with Apollo just moments ago, she’d never think of doing what she’s contemplating on before. She’s never shied away from a hurdle but regretfully, this is a hurdle she can’t brave through. There’s too much at stake and if taking herself out of the picture would bring peace to the fear she brought with her, then so be it.

She’ll leave tonight.

With that, she spent the rest of the day holed up in her room, going through the opportune time to get past the borders without guards in sight, knowing the schedules by heart and with Krii still giving her updates, she’s still very much aware of what’s going on.

While packing, a glimmer caught her eye. She rummaged through to pull it out and revealed a familiar bejeweled dagger. The dagger she got from fighting Alistair.

She’s a little short on weapons to use as she’s also retreated on training as some of the warriors have expressed their distrust on more than one occasion. So she packed it as well. With the lack of supplies on her end, she’ll make use of what she’s got.

Realizing she couldn’t bring the rest of her things with her, she decided to leave them and letting Apollo do with them what he will.

She’s still trying to wrap her mind around the decision she’s thought of just moments ago when a knock sounded on her door.

She let out a deep breath before she opened. The door revealing Rush on the other side of the door.

“Luna” He greeted with a small nod and smile that didn’t reach his eyes.  

“Rush” She greeted back. Her voice low, tipping her lip up, hopefully passing as a smile.

“I just wanted to check up on you. I know it hasn’t been easy lately.” He said cautiously, careful not to cause her any more unease.  

“It’s okay, I understand. I assume everybody is doing double time on training?” She asked.

Rush nodded. “Yes, alpha requested everyone to do so. New protocols have also been set in case of an attack. Everyone seems to always have something to do.” He answered.

“Everyone except me.” She couldn’t help but say. Letting out a strained smile.

“I’m sorry.” The commander said lowly.

“It’s okay Rush. I am” she paused, thinking of the right words to say, and for a fraction of a second her mind took her back to the words Apollo told her and she found herself saying them. “I am willing to do whatever for the good of my pack.” 

“Even if it means having to step back.” She added, meeting his eyes, seeing the confusion in them. But before he could ask her about it. She politely dismissed him and said she was feeling a little drained.

The commander merely nodded, respecting his Luna’s wish and walked away in soft quiet steps.

Skaia retreated back into her room, finding more truth to her words than she thought as her eyes started to grow heavy. So, she went on and laid down in her bed and decided to get a little shut eye before the time comes for her to make her leave. A stray tear slid down her cheek at the thought, making her swipe it away and force herself to fall into slumber.

As her chest heaved up and down at the obvious exhaustion of sprinting as far away from the border as soon as she crossed it as she can get, Skaia realized one very crucial factor to her impromptu flee – where is she going?

She pressed a palm to her forehead, eyes shut tightly as she willed her mind to think. She can’t go back to Clara Solis and Achilles will be the first person her mate will check on, that is if he’d actually care if she’s gone. The thought of the mate she left behind made her breath hitch at the realization of what she’s actually done, but it’s too late now.

She’s made a decision and she needs to stick by it.

The reason she’s stepping back is because of everybody’s fear of an impending attack to get to her.

It hit her then. The place it all started. The place she considered home but was ripped away from her in a blink of an eye.

She’s done pushing the pain of the past back. She never got her answers and the only way to move past the incident and figuring out how to deal with whatever or whoever seems to be after her, is to find out what happened that day.

She needs to go back. Not to Forti Polaris. Not to Apollo.

To Virorum Fortium.

As if every single cell in her body was in agreement with her, she steeled her resolve. Turning her back towards the way directing to Forti Polaris and walked the other way with purposeful determined strides.