Howls of Apollo

Septendecim

Skaia blew out a harsh breath the moment she was far enough from Apollo’s office. Getting the words out while withdrawing every ounce of yearning that sprouted when she caught sight of him, took more out of her than she anticipated.

She thought about what she’d say the whole way here and the only one she settled with is to not throw everything at his face. Rather, she’d let him tell her himself. Not that there is really any need to, as she already knows his deepest secret courtesy of her mother, but it’d show her he trusts and values her enough to actually include her in that specific, crucial part of his life.

As she made her way to the training grounds, she can sense a few pack members eyeing her as she walks. Unlike before, she was met with wide eyes than of disdain. And as tempting as it may be, she can’t find it in herself to indulge in the thought they must have felt guilty when she left, but the change in reception does want to make her give out a sigh of relief.

She caught sight of Rush and the commanders as soon as she arrived. Multiple pairs of eyes immediately flew to her as silence swept over them. No one knew what to say or do at the sight of their Luna and quite frankly, she has nothing to say as well. So, she blocked them out and schooled her face in what she hopes means business.

“We have a lot of work to do.” She said to the commanders when she reached them, and as if that was a signal for something, everyone went back as they were.

Despite the calm front she put on, Skaia can still feel a twinge of apprehension when interacting with the pack. Therefore she resorted with minimal conversation with whoever approached her. She busied herself with training, which turned out to be quite taxing since she was a few weeks out of shape. Luckily no one crossed her on the way to her grandfather’s pack and on the way back, otherwise she doesn’t know how she would have fared.

Ashamedly, she was distracted on more than one occasion. Her mind keeps taking her back to her mate and every time she had to shut down her own mind, feelings, and wolf. Convincing herself the man plaguing her thoughts thinks nothing of her.

Besides, she keeps thinking that with a power hungry warlock at large, they might need a little edge on their side of the battle to even things out too. That thought sent her spiraling back to Apollo once more, knowing she’d have to run it by him before she makes it happen.

She put off needing to see him for the rest of the day, in the end, mentioning it to Krii and Rush before she even got to Apollo. As pathetic as she feels, she felt she needed someone on her corner and she found a sliver of solace knowing the beta and commander were always on her side. Despite their loyalty to their alpha.

Distractions couldn’t have come at a better time, as after training, Maggie occupied her time by nearly locking her up in the clinic. Claiming she wasn’t going to let her out unless she explains why she felt the need to keep herself away from the clinic and isolate herself all those weeks ago.

Her heart burst with emotion when the doctor told her she was always welcome and that she didn’t have to face all of it alone. It sent a rush of warmth through her as the comfort the woman gave reminded her that of her mother’s and she couldn’t help but engulf the doctor in a big hug.

The rest of the day was clear of Apollo as she went back to her routine in the clinic before everything that happened, happened.

By the time she walked back to the house, the night had already fallen and she realized, she had forgotten about talking to Apollo. By then, she had used up her courage for the day and decided to try again tomorrow when she can find it in herself to recuperate.

Fate seems to have other plans.

The moment she walked inside of the house, she finds Apollo sitting in the living room, seemingly lost in his own thoughts as his gaze are set on the table in front of him. The blank, dark look ever present on his face. Though if she knows him as well as she thinks she does, she knows his mind is anything but.

Deciding to push her nerves down, she squared her shoulders and borrowed a little bit of strength from her wolf, who was more than proud of her for doing so.

She walked up to where Apollo was seated, the soft thump of her feet bringing his head up to settle his eyes on her approaching figure. How he heard her footfalls, she doesn’t know. He had a softer look in his eyes now, taking her by surprise that she almost faltered.

She took the seat opposite him. Both of them sat there for a moment just holding each other’s gaze. Skaia broke the contact first, blinking to refocus but didn’t look away.

“A thought had occurred to me.” She started, taking on a blank expression of her own.

“Since we seem to be a little out of our element with the type of foe we have,” pertaining to the fact they are neither of the same kind as Alistair. “I figured we could even the odds by getting a warlock on our side.”

Apollo sat up at the statement, making her feel the need to defend herself. “There are still covens of warlocks who are not of the same end goal as Alistair, we just need to strike a really good deal.” She said in haste.

Apollo didn’t say anything at first. He leaned forward and rested on his elbows.

“I was thinking the same.”

She was half expecting him to dismiss her like last time, so that surprised her. His calmness more than anything, but she didn’t want to let her guard down just yet.

“Actually, I’ve been thinking about it for some time. I just went around to the idea this afternoon. What you said just now solidified the idea.” He said.

Skaia nodded at his words, too stunned for a comeback. So with that, she rose from her seat, intending to get to her room as quickly as possible. Her façade was waning and she can’t afford for him to sense it.

“Right, now that that’s settled, I’ll leave you now.” She took one step before Apollo rose himself. Albeit abruptly, halting her in her steps.

“Stay. The room is still yours.” He said, his voice breathy like he just came up for air.

“It’s not like I have anywhere else to go.” She said lowly. “I doubt I’d be welcome into people’s houses.” She tried to joke lightly.

Apollo took a step forward. The action made her look at him with wide eyes. “This is your house as much as it is mine Skaia.” He said firmly. She wanted to contradict but held back.

“I’ll be leaving tomorrow to a friend’s.” He said.

She nodded absentmindedly, wanting to get out of his presence.

“I want you to come with me.”

She raised a brow in question and a flash of amusement shone in Apollo’s eyes before it was gone.

“Maybe you ought to take Krii.” She suggested.

“No” He shook his head lightly. “I want you to meet him.” She raised her brow once more.

She contemplated for a moment before she nodded once. “Alright”

Her eyes searched his, and when she found nothing, like always, she took a step back.

“Early morning?” She asked.

Apollo nodded. “We leave at 6. I’ll knock on your door.”

“No need” Skaia shook her head. “I’ll be down in the kitchen by that time.”

It was Apollo’s turn to look surprised, but before he could ask, she bid him a hasty ‘goodnight’.

She was up by dawn the next morning. True to her words, she was in the kitchen before it was time to go. She felt the need to make a few snacks to take to the road, something she did a lot when she travelled with her grandfather before. She strayed from the habit after ‘that day’ but now, she felt the pull to do so.

She made a couple sandwiches and fritters they could easily eat while on the road, and by the time she was done, Apollo had already come down. Looking at her and what she made both in surprise and amazement. The latter reaction made her scoff internally. It’s not like she made a full course meal, they were just sandwiches.

“Good morning” She greeted him, locking the container she placed the food in. It was a poor attempt at ignoring the look he was giving her but it would suffice.

“I’ll grab my bag”

“I’ll grab the car”

They both said at the same time. The awkwardness between them was more palpable than ever, Skaia wanted to scream.

The need intensified as she sat on the passenger seat with the uncomfortable silence raining down on them. She was more horrified than surprised when Apollo took the car to the front of the house and told her it’d be just the two of them for this one.

She played it off nonchalantly as she wanted to portray the same calmness she showed him when she got back. Inside though, she wants nothing more than to run.

“Who exactly is this friend?” She asked to break the growing silence.

Apollo sighed. “His name is Remley. He’s head of the northern coven.” He answered simply.

“How long have you know each other? Do you have his loyalty?” She found herself probing for more answers.

“Remley is loyal to me.” He stated firmly. “We’ve been friends since I was young.”

Skaia got quiet for a moment, thinking if she should ask the question she wants to.

And as if he read her thoughts, Apollo answered.

“He knows.”

“That makes one of us.” She couldn’t help but comment.

“Skaia” He said with a sigh.

“No” She snapped. “I understand the apprehension of telling someone you just met, regardless of them being your mate. I understand why it has to be kept a secret. But I refuse to accept that you pushed me away because of your frustration with the gravity of who you are.” She felt the words slipping out her tongue before she can stop it.

“You made me feel like it was my fault.” She stopped herself abruptly just as Apollo turned to look at her.

She looked away instantly and refused to meet his eyes, shutting her own tightly. She was frustrated at the situation and quite frankly, with him.

She wasn’t one to give up and she doesn’t want to give up her mate but if he won’t open up to her, if he won’t let her in, then maybe she needs to learn to give up what she wants but can’t have.

“I’m sorry”

Her heart ached at the words. Instead of taking the hurt away, her chest ached even more.

The way he said it, he wanted to tell her, he wants to but he can’t.

“I’ll just –” She paused when she heard her voice broke. “I’ll just let this friend of yours shed light to whatever you’re not telling me.” She said softly, not looking his way.