The Bodyguard

Chapter 3 - Self Destruct Mode

OMG I’m kissing James. My boyfriend’s best friend. Ok so Jason will be my ex soon, but still I shouldn’t be doing this with his best friend.

I don’t care though in this moment. His hand has slipped round the back of my neck and he’s holding me while deepening the kiss. It’s hard and fast and neither of us are in control. I’m putting all of my anger at Jason into this kiss and it’s actually quite therapeutic.

I press my body against him and run my fingers through his messy blonde hair. His tongue is swirling over mine and I’m fighting to take control. By the time we pull apart, we are both breathless and I don’t feel nearly as angry as I did.

I'm in full self destruct mode and want more so I move to straddle his lap to get even closer, but his face changes suddenly, he looks totally guilty and his eyes cast down to the floor. He stands up, gently pushing me to the side and goes to get his glass, refills it and drinks it in one with his back to me.

“I’m sorry Kristen, I shouldn’t have done that. I really like you, I've liked you for ages, but Jason is my best friend and besides your head isn’t in the right place.” He sounds different, like a stranger. I suddenly feel very foolish.

“It’s ok... I errrr... I have to go anyway.” I say weakly.

“Right. Well... “ he trails off seemingly lost for words.

“Yeah. See you round James.” I say as I grab my bag and walk out of the house slamming the door behind me.

I can’t face the looks on the bus again so I call a cab. I don’t speak the whole journey and don't thank the driver as I usually would when I pull up to my student house that I share with four other students at my college. I'm hanging on by a thread and I just want my bed.

I don’t see anyone thankfully when I enter so I head straight upstairs to my room and I lie on the soft bed fully clothed. I don’t even have the energy to undress.

I take my phone out of my bag and text my Mom.

I’m busy studying, I have an assignment due tomorrow, sorry I didn’t answer. I’m ok though and I’ll call you once it’s been handed in. - K xx

That’ll stop her from worrying or calling again tonight.

I then see Jason’s last message in my messages folder. I open it and read all the lovely things he said to me yesterday when he sent it. He sent this knowing what he was doing behind my back and I somehow can’t believe it's the same guy. What the hell is wrong with him?

I start typing an ‘it’s over’ message but I keep deleting it. After seven attempts the best I’ve got is:

I know about both Cassie and Shona. Don’t call me again, I don’t even want an apology. I’m done.

My thumb hovers over the green arrow for a few seconds before I firmly press it.

I turn the phone on ‘do not disturb’ throw the phone on my bedside table and roll away. The tears finally return and this time they rack through my whole body and I give into them. The pain of everything that has happened today courses through me and I let it. I cry for what feels like hours before I finally fall asleep totally worn out and with nothing left inside me.