Silhouette of Yesterday

THE COMING OUT

24th of December 2009.

The mountain weather was cold and was recorded at twelve degrees, the lowest so far since the start of Yuletide season. Situated in the mountainous region of the northern part of the country, Baguio City was famous for its relatively cold weather. It was known as Summer Capital of the country which never hit the scorching temperatures and was famous for its numerous green park spaces and hillsides teemed with fragrant gigantic pine trees.

It was a few hours before Christmas eve.The night was still young.The city was lit up in sparkling lights .Almost all houses were hanged with colorful christmas decors and shimmering christmas lights. The spirit of christmas was felt everywhere. People really were excited to celebrate this most awaited time of the year. There were still groups of children who were carolling expecting for presents or penny to be handed over from every house they were heading. Some had last minute shopping and preparations.Some were busy wrapping their gifts.Some were drinking in the local bars.Others were at home busy preparing various yuletide foods while others had gone to churches for midnight service as they welcome Christmas day. But for Dylan, there was something that he had been preparing for months. He had made up his mind. To speak out what he had long been hiding would be the best gift he could ever give to his self.

Dylan felt anxious as he walked towards his dad who was sitting on the couch. He was busy reading a book while waiting for Christmas Eve. It was the book that Dylan had gifted to him on his 40th birthday.The night was silent but something was about to break the quietness like a firework ready to light up.

Dylan sighed. "Dad," His voice was cracking as he tried to speak with his dad. He cleared his throat .He tried to find courage to speak. He knew it was the right time to tell the truth. It would set him free from the chain of pretensions. It was something he really felt for years. He just wanted to wear the beautiful dress in the closet that he had been hiding in the closet for so long. But now, all he wanted to do was to let his true self free.

"Dad," Dylan repeated. He did not even know how to begin. There was an uncomfortable feeling of nervousness and fear. He had heard lots of stories about coming out. Some were fortunately accepted and understood, while others were judged, mocked, discriminated against and even called as sinners. He felt so nervous because of the possible unfavorable outcome. His father might be enraged. He was his only son who was expected to pass on the family name. His fear intensified because he might be rejected and might be unaccepted. The social stigma, mockery and judgements also came across his mind. He was just seeing the bigger and worse scene of bringing shame to his family. How he wished her mom was still alive. He missed his mom so much. He longed for his calming embrace. There were times at night when he would be awakened by nightmares and her mother was there beside him caressing his back and sung lullaby to get him back to peaceful sleep. If only she was still alive she would understand him for sure, she would hug him so tight and would whisper to his ears that it was alright to feel the way he felt.Mother knows best as people always tell. But she was gone too early because of a rare cancer. She was diagnosed with Stage Four Merkel Cell Carcinoma that aggressively spread in her body.It was too late for chemotherapy because the cancer already affected some of the vital parts of her body;bones, lungs and brain. In just a snap of time, her mom lost her breath. Dylan was eleven years old when cancer took his mom's life.She was taken too soon. It was his first grief. Even though it was a nightmare for the entire family, he always tried to find the good in the most melancholic times.

"Yes my son," his father responded as he laid the book on the table and was ready to lend his ears to his son. His eyes were seemingly questioning and wondering. He had never seen Dylan as serious as he was now. He knew it would be a profound conversation. He waited for his son to take the lead. He just gave a puzzled look.

"Dad," his eyes were rolling and tried to hold back his tears. "I am so sorry Dad, but I like a boy." Dylan continued with all honesty. At last, the truth he had been hiding for years was finally out. There was a sudden relief. There was as if an emancipation from long s*****y of pretense and concealment of his true identity. "I am so sorry that I have to feel this way. I'm so sorry if I am such a disappointment to you." Dylan apologetically continued.

His father looked straight in his eyes.He was sympathetic to what he was going through and he was trying to both feel and see things as if he was his Dylan.

"You know what, your mom, when she was at your age, wanted a boy like me. I am so sure that even your twin sister likes boys too." His dad smiled and hugged his son. He started caressing his son's back to make him feel that he was accepted. "I knew it even before you told me. But no matter who you are and what you really like does not matter to me. I am always here to support you my son.I still and will always love you because you are my son. I am even proud of you because coming out takes a lot of courage and bravery and I am so glad you possess those things at your very young age. I just want to remind you ,my son, to know your limits."

The fear began to subside. He was so fortunate to have a dad who could understand what he was going through. He was filled with gratitude. He was thankful for having a very understanding and loving dad that accepted and supported what he really was. Now, he was ready to let others know his true self. He was filled with courage and strength to show others what he truly felt.

Dylan, fourteen years old, was studying in a famous all-boys Catholic school in the city. He was a sophomore student. He was a clever and exceptional student in the school. He was the cream of the crop among the sophomore students. He was also one of the creative and witty writers in the official school publication. He often represented the school at various quiz bee competitions and was often hailed as a winner both in the national and international academic competitions. Dylan was obviously famous in the school. But Dylan kept shying away from other people because of his identity and preference. He was so afraid his life would be ruined if his secret blew up.

Strange it may seem at a very young age, he was attracted to a boy. The boy had mischievous dimples on both cheeks, dark brown eyes, red lips, and fair skin. He was tall,neat and already good looking at sixteen. Dylan's feelings towards this young,dynamic and charismatic boy, deepened when the two of them were hand picked to represent their school in a national debate competion.They were the dream team in the school at that time because of their incomparable intelligence. They were the brightest among the students in the school. They spent time reviewing together most of the day and preparing before the competition.It was the happiest moment for Dylan. He seemed to have a million butterflies flying around inside. He felt warm and giddy when they were together.

They had three weeks of preparations. Though it was tedious and brain-whacking, they both enjoyed each other's company. They ate lunch together .The boy even spent the weekend at Dylan' s house to prepare for the big event because they really wanted to bag the championship.The week before the competition, Dylan had slept over at his teammate's house. Fortunately, their hard work paid off. Their parents were present at the event. They cheered for their sons' achievement. They were so proud as their sons went up to the stage to take their gold medals and reward.

After the heart- to- heart coming out conversation with his dad, Dylan vibered his friend Vince, a graduating student in his school and president of the student council.He was a sporty student, the team captain of the basketball team in the school.He also bested in the academics vying for highest honor among the graduating class. But Vince had no single idea of the gender preference of Dylan.

"Hey Vince. Merry Christmas. How are you? See you tomorrow night at the park where we often hang out? I just wanna tell you something," Dylan confidently messaged.

"I am good bro. Merry Christmas too. Alright.See you tomorrow night." Vince quickly responded.

Dylan thought of telling Vince his coming out story.He deserved to know the truth. He was so sure Vince would understand and would accept him just like what his dad had done.He knew Vince would not judge him. They were friends anyway. But there was one thing he wanted to reveal. He just hoped that Vince would not change the way he would mingle with him.He hoped that after his revelation, Vince would still be his friend.

The park where they usually hang out together was famed for its splendid centuries-old artificial lake in the center. Dylan and Vince often do boating on the lake to loosen up from their hectic schedule in the school.

Dylan was sitting still on the concrete bench built along the lake under the old fragrant pine tree. He was waiting for Vince to come. The vast sky was covered with a blanket of darkness The cold moon was a beauty to the eye.The moonlight sprinkled over the calm and still lake. He gazed up high,looking at the constellations. How he wished all would be well.

Then, Dylan was surprised with a gentle tap on his right shoulder.

"What is your story tonight?" He flashed him a big smile with dimple cheeks.