I Didn't Mean To

And Now ATN

    ATN - After THAT Night - Yes, I've survived, and I'm healthy, sane (maybe), upright and breathing.  Yes, I've learned a lot during the past few years, mainly that I still have a lot to learn.  I'm just naturally a student, and I love to learn, so overall I'm pretty happy.  But that isn't what you want to hear about, right?  What happened after they took me from home?  Is that your question? Well, let me tell you, it was quite a shock to my sensitive nature!

    John Wise.  The name seems natural for a social worker, solid and dependable.  Too bad he couldn't live up to it.  He stuffs me into the back of his car, and drives away, grumbling about "cops who don't listen to their own people" and "stupid idiots thinking they know everything".  If I wasn't so scared, it would have been funny.  We seemed to be driving randomly, circling through a neighborhood, and he was getting more and more angry.  Finally, he simply took off down the main street and stopped at a local motel.  

    Let me tell you, grungy would have been a compliment for this place.  Everything was overgrown, dirty windows, and cars that looked like they couldn't move.  Mr. Wise went into the office for a few minutes, then returned to the car.

    "I've rented a room for you for tonight.  I couldn't get you into a foster this fast, and I'm tired of looking for the right place.  Just go in, lock the door and wait til I come back tomorrow."  He thrust a key card at me, but I didn't move.  

    "How do I use that?  Where do I go?"  Wow, I just sound stupid, but I had no idea how anything worked at that time.  I blush to think how innocent I truly was.  Here was a grown man trying to put me into a motel room, and I didn't even understand what that could have been.  I guess I was just lucky that he wasn't that kind of monster.  He may not have cared, or even was a bit dense, but he wasn't into abusing his cases.

    He just kind of grunted about "stupid kid", turned and shoved the key card into the door lock.  It didn't work, nothing happened.  Wow, he really needed to get control of his anger, as he started kicking the door and swearing.  I learned quite a few new words in the next 3 minutes!  Then, after a deep breath, he reversed the key card and tried again.  When the door unlocked, he didn't say a thing, just pushed me into the room and left me there.

    Now, I hadn't eaten since lunch, and I didn't have the makings for a meal.  However, gotta tell you, there were definitely wild life in this room!  Cockroaches big enough to move the bed, spiders, and probably mice or even rats.  The room was filthy!  Well, at least I could try to clean up a bit, and keep busy that way.  But my tummy rumbled again.  I can't go out to get food, I was told to stay in the room, and I had no idea how to get any in the city anyways.  What to do, what to do, what to do?

    Well, Mom had taught me how to communicate my needs to whatever nature surrounds me, and to trust Mother Earth to provide.  I couldn't exactly touch Mother Earth in this filthy room (although there was certainly enough dirt to qualify), but maybe I could reach out through the creatures.  I went in the bathroom to grab a towel, laid it on the floor, and sat down.

    I know, you've all heard that witches need to draw a circle, or a pentagram, or light candles, right?  Well, when communing with Nature, you just need bare skin and concentration.  It's more like what you see when people are meditating, just concentrating on a simple message of need to transmit it to the world at large.  I reached out with my hands, spreading my fingers wide, and started to concentrate.

    "Mother Earth, and all her Creatures, hear me now.  I am in need.  I need your help.  I need food to sustain me.  I need comfort for my soul.  Please help me.  Mother Earth, and all her Creatures, hear me now..."  I gently blew the words past my lips, over and over entreating Nature to give me assistance.  I didn't demand anything in particular, as you never should demand from Mother Earth.  I sent my message out with love and gentle strength.  It may have been an hour before I opened my eyes.  Communing with Nature had actually calmed me, made me feel safe even in this horrible room, so at least that much of my request was granted.  I was startled by a knock on the door.

    "Hello?" a soft voice asked.  "Hello in there?  Anyone in there?"

    Now, mysterious is the ways of Mother Earth, but I don't think she usually calls up a pizza joint to deliver.  But that's what stood outside the room.  A pizza delivery guy.  I've had pizza, my Mom made it for us sometimes, and the idea of eating pizza made a little drool drip from my mouth.  I opened the door quickly.

    "Hey, thought I saw someone go in here.  Look I have a pizza that the guy next door ordered, but he's not there now.  It'll just be thrown out, so do you want it?"  He was about my age, pimples, skinny, with a nice smile.  "I have to run back, I'll tell my boss I threw it in the garbage, if you want it, take it."  I've never been so happy for a simple meal as I was right then.  I guess there are good people in this world.

    "Don't forget Peter's Pizza if you DO order one sometime, OK?" He asked with a wink.  I just nodded my head, and reached for the warm box.  "Your pretty, hope your parents get here soon.  See ya."  I watched him leave, in a old car with lots of rust and dents.  The door closed, and I inhaled the heavenly scent of dough, tomato sauce, and cheese.  

    Thank you Mother Earth!  My gratitude radiated from me.  OK, so maybe it's a coincidence, just a mix up on a pizza, or maybe Mother Earth has an in with someone at Peter's Pizza?  Who knows.  I opened the box to see a beautiful pizza, cheese and pepperoni and peppers.  Yumm...

    Well, when Mother Nature provides a bounty, it's best to share it.  I pulled a slice out, ripped it into pieces, and dropped it into the bath tube.  Then I sat down on my towel to eat.  I've never enjoyed a meal so much as that one.  And no pizza since then has tasted quite as good as that one did.  I burped, and once again sent my gratitude to Mother Nature.  I could hear sound in the bathroom, so the wild life was also enjoying their meal.  Now was not the time to disturb them, so I settled on the bed for a quick nap.  It was getting dark, but Mr. Wise had turned on the door light when he pushed me in here, so the room was gently lit.  The bed smelled of old smoke, mold, and something I couldn't quite name, but the smell of Pizza in the room masked it all, at least for a little while.