FINDING TRUE LOVE (Beyond Beauty)

CHAPTER TWO

As the elevator came to a halt, I stepped out and returned the keycard to the receptionist. I sprinted out of the building and flagged down a taxi. The drive was cold and silent, and my vision blurred from excessive crying.

Getting to my destination, I sat in a bar with three bottles of pure alcohol, drowning in my sorrows. I knew that was exactly what I needed at that moment. As I struggled to regain control of my emotions, memories of what I had witnessed came flooding back.

The memory of her stunning beauty lingered, and I couldn’t help but compare myself to her. She was a version of perfection, stunningly beautiful, and in that moment, I knew I would never measure up to her. Even in a fairy dress, he’d never love someone like me. He needed someone beautiful, model looking, confident, and someone who’d give him a Child, I was none of them.

I remembered how they looked into each other eyes with burning love passion, and it dawned on me. “Never in a million years will I get something like that.” I would never have a man that would look me in my eyes with such burning and unquenchable flames of love. Never will I get the chance to stare into a pair of eyes that will look at me with so much love in them. Never will I be worthy of anyone. I would never be enough. I whispered to myself, the words tearing at my heart like a rusty blade.

“Oh, Starr, you’re such a fool. Why did I let myself fall so deeply for him?” I whispered to myself, gulping down my drink all at once.

After sometime, I stood up, paid the barman and took another cab to the sea. My favorite place in the world. I sunk myself to the floor and screamed my heart out. I have been used, abandoned by the man I gave my all to, who I loved though he had nothing to give to me, a man I catered for, for 2years, a man I had invested all my hard earned money in.”

I am broken beyond amend. The love of my life had ruined me. Love is the end of me.

My thoughts were severed abruptly, jolting me back from my reverie back to reality, and I hesitated for a moment before checking the screen. I glanced at the screen, and I winced as I saw Lizzy’s name flashed on my screen.

The thoughts of talking to someone, or pretending to be okay, was suffocating. I wasn’t ready to go home yet. I just needed to be alone, cry my eyes out until they fall off, and lose myself in the darkness of my despair.

I hadn’t realized that it was past midnight already, and I was all alone at the sea. I stood up and went home. My gateman opened the gate, and I saw Lizzy pacing. I’m sure she must have been worried sick about me.

When she saw me, she stood akimbo, waiting for me to get closer, but I stopped walking and fell to the ground with tears falling uncontrollably from my eyes. She ran to me, telling me to get up, but I was too weak and tired to listen to her. I was expecting her to ask me “what’s wrong like she always does, but she didn’t. I guess she figured it out herself.

She gently led me inside the house, and we sat together on the floor, my head cradled in her lap, whispering words of comfort.

“All will be well, babe. You will get through this in no time,” she whispered, her voice a gentle breeze on my tender skin. “You’re strong and you’ll get through this”.

As I gazed up at her, I felt a lump form in my throat. Tears flowed freely at the corner of my eyes.

As I cried, I felt drops of water on my bare skin. I looked up at Lizzy, and my heart swelled with emotion. She was crying with me; she was feeling my pain, how I have always been unlucky with relationships, the only thing men want from me, is my body and money.

“What is wrong with me? Why do I always attract the wrong men? I looked up to her again and asked,” She gave me a pitiful look, shaking her head sideways and said again, “everything would be fine, Starr,”

I stood up, my eyes blazing with a mix of anger and desperation, and said, “I get it now, I know I’m CURSED!!!” The words stumbled out from my mouth like a confession.

Lizzy’s expression softened, and she reached out to me, her hands grasping for mine. “No, babe, you’re not,” she said, her voice laced with conviction. “You’re just hurt and that’s okay. You’re allowed to feel pain, and trust me, you’ll get over it real soon. I promise, okay?

Lizzy pulled me into a tight hug, holding me as I trembled with sobs. “I know one day, you’ll find someone who genuinely loves you,” she whispered, her eyes squinting with sadness. “Someone who will cherish you and adore you for who you are. You deserve that, Starr.

I clung unto her, and said “Elizabeth, I AM DONE WITH MEN,” with my eyes shooting daggers for her to know I’m drop dead serious. After what felt like forever, Lizzy gently led me to my room, tucking me into bed like a child. She sat beside me, stoking my hair, and whispering words of comfort until I drifted off to sleep.

The next morning, I opened my eyes to find Lizzy sleeping beside me. I carefully removed the duvet cover, and I felt the persistent lump in my throat. It was that feeling that woke me up. No doubt I felt nauseous, and I knew for a fact that it wasn’t the alcohol so I didn’t know why. Trying not to disturb Lizzy, I reached for my slippers with my bare feet. Still, my movement inadvertently woke her up.

“Hey Starr, where are you going?” She asked, her voice laced with concern, as she watched me reach for a scarf. I tied it around my head and neck area, my eyes fixed on some distant point.

In that moment, Lizzy knew I was determined to go somewhere, but she has no idea where. Her eyes narrowed, her brow furrowed in worry.

“Hey, hey, babe, look at me,” she said, placing her hands on my chin, gently directing my face to meet hers.

“Where are you going, Starr?” And why are you this pale? She asked again, voice soft but firm.

“I’ll be back, Lizzy. I need to take care of something,” I replied, my tone resolute.

Lizzy’s expression turned stern. “No, no, you don’t get to that again. The last time you went off on your own, you came back home a shell of yourself. I won’t let that happen again. And moreover, you look so tired and …, I don’t even know. Are you sure you’re okay? She questioned again, and I was forced to be calm.

She pointed towards the bathroom. “you’ll go in there, brush your teeth, and take a bath. You look like you’ve been through a war.”

I hoarsely responded, “Lizzy, please….” But she cut me off.

“No, Starr, I mean it.” You’re not going anywhere till you take care of yourself. She adamantly said. But I won’t listen to her. I’ll do what I had in mind.

I reached for the doorknob, and opened the door, flinging the door open, and just as I was about to take a step, I felt that persistent lump in my throat again and I ran into the bathroom, straight to the sink,throwing my guts out.

I didn’t know what to think that minute, so I looked up to meet Lizzy gaze. She looked so confused and then she asked me the hardest question she has asked me in a long year.

“When last did you see your period? I looked at her and gave her this confused look. I didn’t want to respond, but I knew Lizzy. She won’t let me go till I answered her. “Lizzy, please…” I wanted to say but my vision became blurry. The last thing I saw and heard, was Lizzy trying to direct her hands to my face while calling out my name but I was too gone to hear her. I blacked out.