I surprised myself with how much I needed it — the swats, the belt, the flogger, the sharp, specific focus of being corrected, held, and brought back. The cane I still hoped never to see again, though I did not hold much faith in that hope. But the rest of it — I needed it the way I needed the ocean. I was only just beginning to understand what that meant about me, and I was no longer afraid of it.
Friday came, and Sir and Daddy were ready before I was. They closed the office early, drove us home faster than usual, and sent me upstairs to shower without much ceremony. The outfit they had laid out for me on the bed made me stop and stare. I would not have called it an outfit exactly — two narrow strips of fabric, one across my chest and one between my legs, held in place by strings that se
