Choices (Dear Jann Series 2)

Chapter 7: Giving a Chance

Sometimes I really wished my present situation was really uncomplicated, however, since I met Markus, everything seems so complicated and I simply didn't know what to do. Everything about him was completely unfamiliar to me, especially my emotions. To be honest with myself, I never had these feelings for any guy that I have dated before. There was just something about him that made me think of him so much. Too many things to discover about him and the idea actually excites me.

It took me countless hours before I could sleep peacefully after I read his letter and when I completely did, it was practically time to wake up for a new day. I woke up feeling so sleepy and really struggled so hard to prepare myself for school.

"Are you okay? Looks like you did not sleep at all." my mom asked when she saw me at the breakfast table.

"I am fine mom. I just slept late because I tried finishing all my homeworks and projects." I satisfactorily answered.

"Did you finish all of it?" she asked.

"No. But most of it is almost done and I can finish it before the specific deadline." I explained.

She nodded and proceeded with eating as I did too. What I told my mom was half-truth because I did finish all my school stuff. What carefully kept me awake was thinking about Markus. I couldn't thoroughly explain why, but his letter undoubtedly had so much effect on me. I did everything to disregard it and just went about my usual routine.

*****

"So where is your response letter for him?" Ruby asked excitedly.

I looked at her a bit confused. We only just arrived at school and were waiting for the time for our classes. Like what she did before, she gently pulled me aside to inquire eagerly about my response to the handwritten letter of Markus.

"What are you talking about?" I asked, pretending not to know what she indicated.

"Damn it, Jann. Your reply to Markus' letter." she said as her smile promptly vanished.

"Do I have to?" I asked as she looked at me in disbelief.

"What are you saying? You did not write any letter?" she asked, surprised.

"No." I answered. I could see she got so pissed off. She brushed her hair and looked at me angrily.

"He was very excited this morning and reminded me to get a response from you. I said yes. Now, you go and write a response that I will give him later or else, I will really hate you forever." she warned me and stormed away.

I just chuckled with her instinctive reaction. She was naturally making it a massive deal. It wasn't my fault she willingly promised something to him. No response means "no." I think he would instantly comprehend that. Besides, I didn't enjoy the thought of me explaining to him. I don't owe him a plausible explanation.

"What was that about?" Jessa asked from nowhere.

"Woooo, you scared me. What's wrong with you?!" I answered surprised.

"Bit jumpy today. What happened to Ruby?" she asked.

"I don't know. She just walked out on me." I answered.

"Why did she -" the bell rang.

Saved by the bell. Good thing I didn't have to explain to Jessa too. No, not her. I tagged her to attend our classes before she asks for more.

I tried avoiding Ruby at breaktime because I could see she was still pissed off. Good thing nobody in my group justly observed the building tension between us. She kept giving me glares, and it was making me so uneasy. The 15-minutes break with her seems like forever. I was glad when the bell rang for our following class. I rushed off to my classroom but before I could get in, Ruby pulled me by my elbow.

"Why are you running away from me?" she asked.

"Why wouldn't I? You're practically killing me with your glares." I informed her.

"Sorry. I was merely expecting you would respond to his letter and was so disappointed when you did not. Come on, Jann. Markus is a nice guy. I know him. We grew up together." she carefully explained.

I heaved a sigh and looked at her. She was earnestly begging with her facial expression. I hated causing my friends to feel bad and this was just one of those events. I sighed again.

"Okay, fine. I will make the letter now. I will give it to you at lunch break. Just this once. That's it." I gave in.

She beamed with considerable excitement and hugged me. She ran off to her classroom. I chuckled. She is such a typical kid sometimes. A bratty one. Ruby and Theresa were the last to join our group. Although we knew them since first year high school, only did they join us in our senior years. They were fun to be with and that's why we became very comfortable with each other. Just like what she said, probably providing Markus a chance wasn’t a terrible idea.

I was holding my pen and an empty paper in front of my polished desk. I didn't know how to commence my handwritten letter. What am I supposed to tell him? This is odd. I never had a problem writing letters before and yet, now, I am struggling with words. It was almost like I didn't want to write anything. My mind was not working well with the words I wanted to say. What do I want to say anyways?

An hour before our lunch break, I finally finished the letter. I read it again before I folded it. Whatever. I am sure Markus will understand whatever I desired to say in the letter. I just hoped everything ended after this. There was no way that we could get any closer.

“Here you go.” I said and handed the letter to Ruby.

“Great! Thank you. He will be very happy about it.” Ruby said excitedly and hurried home.

I watched her speed up with Theresa. I simply hoped that she would stop her nonsense. I don’t understand why she doesn’t care about whatever Jessa would think if she finds out about it. It actually gave me shivers thinking about it. I hated concealing secrets with Jessa.

The following day, Ruby did not mention anything about the letter. She was not really excited or anything. I was relieved at the same time curious as to why she was not telling me anything. I knew for sure that Markus read my letter. Did he not mention anything to Ruby? My eager curiosity was going way up high and I was so tempted to ask. Oh well, probably, it'll end there. I guess I wished a little too early. Two days after, I was instantly hearing some hate from her.

"Why did you write that?!" Ruby boomed at me.

I was surprised when she promptly pulled me away from the group and almost yelled at me. Just when I thought everything was quiet, here she was glaring fiercely at me.

"What are you talking about?" I asked annoyedly with her tone of voice.

"Why did you write those to Markus?" she asked, slowly calming down.

"Why wouldn't I?" I asked, still annoyed.

"Look, Jann. I know maybe Markus is not your kind of guy, but you don't have to be so mean to him." she said.

"What are you talking about? I just told him that we can't be more than friends." I said.

"So what's with the religion? The age gap? And Jessa? What the hell?" she said.

"What was so mean about that? I just stated the obvious so he won't hope for anything from me." I told her. She heaved a heavy sigh and looked at me puzzled. She jerked her head before talking again.

"I'm sorry, I acted that way. I just thought that maybe you two could be more than just mutual friends. I mean, you guys look so good together. I know you. I know him, that's why I was so confident that you two would be lovers." she explained.

"That's insane. Since when did you become dear Ms. Cupid?" I smiled gently.

"Since I saw both of you. I don't know. I just had this feeling that you guys are a match from heaven. Besides, all Markus can talk about was you." she said.

"About me? What does he know about me? He didn't even talk to me during the party. He was practically with Jessa the whole time." I smirked.

"Well, as far as I know, he keeps asking about you. Like all the time." she laughed.

"Well, what did he say about my letter anyway?" I asked.

"Hmmm he was sad and frustrated. He didn't talk to me nor ask me about you. But knowing him, I know he is planning something for you." she said.

I suddenly felt some considerable excitement inside me. What could he be possibly planning for me? Why am I even interested? This is absurd.

I didn't hear anything about him for the rest of the memorable week. Even Ruby didn't mention anything. Probably she completely accepted her gut feeling was false. I would definitely lie if I said I did not regret writing the letter. Some part of my heart wished I would see him, even just a glimpse of him. I was actually starting to miss him.

*****

"Jann, I badly need your help." June said as soon as she instantly saw me.

"Huh? Tell me." I said.

"I need your help for the pageant." she said.

Oh my, here she goes again. June was the beauty queen in our group. She is tall with a slender body and a pretty face. She was always selected to join beauty pageants in and out of our school. Sometimes, I really envy her. She was popular because of her pretty face, while I was popular for being the naughtiest. Where is justice?

"June, you know I hate pageants." I said.

"Oh no, please don't say that. I need your help with my talent portion." she explained.

"What about it?" I asked.

"I want you to teach me some dance moves for my talent. And don't you dare say no." she exclaimed fiercely.

"You already had an answer. What else do you need me to say?" I said and we both laughed.

I love dancing. I guess I started dancing first even before my first walk. I had been dancing since I was little. The earliest memory of me joining a dance number was when I was in kindergarten.

“What do you plan to dance?” I asked.

“Bailamos” she said as I looked at her with questioning eyes.

“Urgh, Jann, don’t look at me like that. I know what you are thinking, but I really wanted this music and dance.” she explained.

“But June, Bailamos is better danced with a partner. And besides, most of the steps will be really sexy.” I said hoping that she changes her mind.

“Yeah, I know. That is why you will help me with my talent portion. You will be my partner.” she said excitedly.

I was dumb folded. What the hell was she asking me to do? I looked at her and gave a chuckle. I didn’t know if I should be happy to be part of her talent portion or hate it because I will have to pretend to be a guy.

“Are you serious? You want me to dance like a guy? How am I supposed to do that?” I asked, still unsure how it will work.

“That’s the thing, I needed to dance with a guy, but I don’t like that. It will be you, so I am sure I will be very comfortable dancing.”

“You are unbelievable, June. I don’t know how to move like a guy.” I protested gently.

“Please, Jann. Just this time. Please, please, please.” she pleaded as she hugged me.

“Okay fine. But we need back up dancers too.” I suggested.

“That’s fine. Jessa and Marian already said yes.” she said laughing merrily.

We commenced the practice as soon as we could since we merely had three days to do so. The competition is on Saturday evening. I struggled coming up with the steps, especially the male version of the dance. I tried making the dance steps simple since June doesn’t really dance that much. It was literally a struggle.