Choices (Dear Jann Series 2)

Chapter 8: Risk

It was Saturday evening and everyone was excited for the pageant. We were at the backstage rehearsing for the final touches of June's make up and her talent portion. I could feel the tension in all the candidates. They were really taking the pageant seriously while I was just standing in the corner watching them. I guess I will never understand what they were going through. I was never chosen for a beauty pageant but I am proud enough to join talent contests like dancing.

My reverie was distracted when Ruby pulled me out from the backstage. She pulled me a little farther from the stage. I could see that she was very excited about something but I could not think of any reason for her excitement. She finally spoke when we were far enough from our group.

"He's here." she exclaimed excitedly.

I looked at her clueless and raised my eyebrow. I gave her a smile and shrugged my shoulders. She giggled and held both my shoulders before she continued talking.

"There is someone who wants to talk to you before you go on stage." she continued.

I still didn't say a word. She was making it all a suspense. I smiled and waited. Instead, she pulled me all the way behind the building beside the stage. It was a bit dark in the place.

"What the hell, Ruby? Where are you taking me?" I asked but she only giggled.

Before I could protest some more, I found myself standing in front of him. I was stunned and couldn't move a muscle. I felt like I was glued to the ground where I was standing at that very moment. Damn! Why does he look so yummy with those smiles? p*****t! I tried my best to compose myself and looked at Ruby. However, she was off, walking away from us even before I could ask more. I took a deep breath and looked back at Markus.

"Hi there." I nervously said.

What the hell was going on with me? Why am I feeling nervous in front of him? He was just an ordinary guy, well, a good-looking ordinary guy. Damn those smiles. It was making my heart falter.

"Hello, Jann. I just wanted to say good luck in your dance number later." he said, still smiling.

"Thank you." it was all I could say and avoided his gaze.

Why was he staring at me anyway? It made me so conscious of how I looked and dressed. I looked at myself and felt like a tomboy. I was wearing rubber shoes and loose pants and a shirt. I had my long hair tied in a bun and covered with a cap. I unconsciously bit my lower lip and shook my head. I looked up to him when he started talking again.

"I wanted to say sorry for not replying to your letter last week. I was sick." he explained.

I felt sorry for not caring enough to know the reason why he never replied back to my letter. I looked at him and he was still gazing at me with a soft smile on his face. I couldn’t help myself to smile back. I simply nodded and looked away. The butterflies in my stomach are starting to fly all over again. What is happening with me?

I heard him heave a sigh so I looked at him again. I guess he was waiting for me to say anything. I was about to ask how he was but then we both heard someone calling my name. We both looked at the direction where the voices were coming from. I saw Ruby and Jessa approaching.

“Jann, where the hell are you? It’s the talent portion already!” I heard Ruby said. I felt the urgency on their voices so I looked at him and smiled.

“C-can you...hmm… w-wait?” I stuttered.

Damn, why did I stutter in front of him? I waited for him to say something but he simply nodded and gave a sweet smile. I accepted it as a “yes” to my question. I smiled at him back before I ran off to join Ruby and Jessa at the back stage.

“Were you talking to someone?” Jessa asked as soon as I joined them.

“Yeah.” I answered as we hurried to the back stage.

“Who is it?” she asked again.

“Nobody.” I answered and winked at her.

I hated lying to her but I didn’t want her to feel bad knowing that it was Markus. I hated what I was feeling too but it was not the time to tell her all about it. We both needed to concentrate on the talent portion that we are about to perform.

The idea of Markus being in the crowd watching us perform, excites me. I suddenly felt the adrenaline and I was feeling light headed. I wanted to dance the best I could. Are you trying to impress him? Asked my "other self". I guess I was. For some reason, yes, I wanted him to see me dance and was actually excited to know what he thinks about it. Damn, again, what is happening to me?

"You guys ready for this moment?" I asked directing my question to June.

"I am so freaking nervous!" shrieked June.

"You will be fine. Jann will carry the dance for you." says Jessa for comfort.

"Yeah. We're behind you too. You can do it." seconded Marian.

June smiled and hugged us before we headed to the stage for her talent portion. Dancing has always been part of your group. We all loved to dance so when our beat started, we just forgot all about the audience and all the nervousness that we felt and simply danced in the tune. The other members of our group were in the audience and were cheering the loudest. We finished our performance great and the audience was very happy about it.

"My gosh guys, you nailed it!" says Ruby as we joined them.

They hugged and congratulated us. We were very happy that they liked our dance number. We were confident that June would win the title or at least the "Best in Talent" sash. Whatever, we are confident that she will make it to the top candidates.

True enough, June won the pageant. She was crowned queen and we all celebrated. All the hard work paid off and we were very proud of her. We were so happy that I almost forgot about Markus. Remembering him, I excused myself from the group.

"Guys, I'll be back. I will just check on something." I said as I rushed off to where I left him.

I was disappointed when I did not find him there. Damn, he left without saying goodbye? Why do I feel so sad? I wished we had more time to chat together. I wanted to know him better. I shook my head and started heading back to my group when I bumped into someone. The place was a little dark so I didn't really notice anybody there. Besides, I didn't hear anyone follow after me and yet he was there standing with all his smile.

"Damn it, Markus. Don't do that!" I exclaimed.

"Sorry I didn't mean to startle you." he said apologetically.

I smiled at him as an acceptance of his apology. He smiled back and stepped closer to me. My heart started racing again and I could feel my face flushed. I was thankful it was dark, I knew he did not see it.

"Congratulations on your win" he started.

"Thank you." I responded.

"Ruby said you can dance but I didn't expect you to be so good. I was mesmerized." he said boldly which made me blushed some more.

"Thanks. I thought you left before the competition." I said shyly.

"No way I will miss your performance. You're really great." he added.

"You think so? Even with the baggy pants and shirt?" I chuckled with the idea.

"You look just great with whatever you wear. At first, I noticed you had a hard time dancing like a real guy, but you did great. If you hadn't dropped your cap, everyone would really think that you were a guy." he stated joyfully.

"Really? Did you like it though? I mean…"

"I like everything about you, Jann. I really do." he said.

I wasn't able to finish what I wanted to tell him. I ran out of words after what he said. It actually sends butterflies in my tummy and I was smiling wildly at what he said. He was just so bold with his emotions which was kinda cute. My heart was raging as I looked at his smiling face.

"Hmm, Jann. Can we talk about your letter?" he asked politely.

For a split second, all the butterflies in my tummy were gone. The flirty feelings I had suddenly vanished. The sweet exchange of smiles became suddenly bitter. Now I was faced with reality, a bitter one. Tension was building when he did not speak for a while. I didn't want to start talking too and just wanted to hear what he had to say.

"I was very excited when I got your letter. I wasn't really expecting you would reply. Thank you for taking time to do so." he said sincerely.

"When I started reading your letter, I honestly felt so sad. I wasn't expecting it. I didn't know that other people's opinions matter so much to you. It just made me admire you more." he added.

"What? What are you talking about? I was mean in the letter, I got that. Sorry but I was just telling the truth." I said.

"That's the thing, you are very honest and selfless. You cared so much how other people feel if you do something. So selfless. It made me like you more." he said.

I looked at him in disbelief. How could he still like me after everything I said in the letter? Honest and selfless? How in the world did he see those traits in me? I was so confused. He stepped closer to me and looked me in the eyes.

"One. I may be younger than you, but who said about the age when you love someone. My parents had a 10 years gap and they fell in love. I don't think age matters when you finally found love." he stated confidently.

"Two. We may have different religions but we may have the same faith in love. We will never know it until we give love a chance. If it works everything else will follow." he stopped and looked at my reaction.

"Three. You care so much about Jessa. You're a very good friend, but I like you so much. Whatever it takes, Jann. I want to take the risk and I want to win your heart. I wanted to be part of your life. If you could just give me a chance, I want to prove that my intentions are real. I will take any risk for you." he finally said it.

I was so shocked with his revelations. All along, I thought if I mention those things to him, it will make him go away. But it didn't. It actually made him like me more. He was really something. Before I could even say another word, we heard Jessa and Ruby calling me out.

"Hey Jann, where are you?" Jessa called.

"Let's go to June's house for a little celebration." says Ruby.

I turned and saw how Jessa was looking from me to Markus. She had so many questions in her eyes and I suddenly had the urge to explain everything to her. I was about to say something when Markus excused himself.

"Congratulations again. Jessa you were doing great up there. I will leave you guys to celebrate." he said and looked at me.

"Jann, I am serious with all the things I said to you. I am willing to wait until you give me that chance. Like I said, I will take all the risk to be with you." he whispered and smiled.

I watched him walk past Jessa and Ruby. Damn, what am I going to tell Jessa? I don't even know how to start explaining to her. I looked at her and she was not smiling at me anymore. I am so damned screwed.