Choices (Dear Jann Series 2)

Chapter 5: Awakened Emotion

“If I can be with you in my dreams, I will sleep forever.” www.timelifequotes.com

Nia's birthday party was one of the best parties I've attended so far. From the venue to the foods served, it was perfect. I was actually envious and wished that I would have my own birthday party just like hers. Oh well, that was one of my wishes which I knew would never happen. I knew for sure I enjoyed a lot until this guy, Markus, came in view. For some reason, he had been sending me waves of emotions that I am not acquainted with. Before the emotion can get any deeper, I was confronted with the reality that Jessa liked him a lot. So as the night ended, my emotions for him also ended, until he decided to walk all of us home to our doors.

“What are you doing here?” I was pretty annoyed with the very sight of him again.

“I told you, I will walk all of you home.” he simply answered as he gave me a pretty smile.

I carefully looked at him and heaved a sigh. I shook my head and started walking as he tagged along. I could feel he was looking at me every now and then. The rest of the group caught up with us but did not join us. Ruby and Theresa together, June and Anne, and Markus and I. I kept looking at my friends trying to send messages with my look, but all of them were lost in their own conversation.I guess I was stacked with him.

“You know you don’t have to do this.” I initiated the conversation.

It made him look my way and smiled. He seemed surprised that I started the conversation. His smile was genuine and I simply love it. I chuckled with his reaction. He looked so delighted that I finally started talking to him. There was a sudden excitement in his actions and his words. I found it really cute.

“I wanted to do it.” he said sincerely while looking at me.

I smiled and looked on the road. I felt so conscious of the way he was looking. More on, staring at me like he wanted to know my reaction with all the things he was saying. I just smiled because I didn’t know what to respond to him. We just walked silently until we reached my compound. I said my goodbye and goodnights to my friends and proceeded. However, he was still tagging along with me.

"What are you doing?" I interrogated him while walking towards home.

"Walking you to your door." he smilingly answered while catching up with my pace.

"You didn't have to." I replied as I stopped to look at him.

"I told you, I wanted to do this." he gently insisted.

I stared thoughtfully at him in considerable awe. What the hell was wrong with this guy? He could be so persistent. I gave him an eye roll and raised my hands in defeat. I didn't say another word and instantly started walking again until we reached my house. I turned around to face him.

"I'm home. Thank you." I said sincerely.

"You're welcome. Always welcome, and I would love to walk you home always." he responded smiling.

What did he say? I was lost for words. My head was too slow to comprehend what he said. He could be so weird too. I was about to say "go home" but he spoke before I could.

"I need to go. Thank you, Jann, for letting me walk you home. I hope to see you soon again. Goodnight and sweet dreams." he said and rushed off before I could even respond.

I was glued on the ground looking to where he promptly went. My heart was actually racing as his words kept echoing inside my head. Nothing special about what he stated, but it was making my heart beat crazy. What was going on? It was the first time I ever experienced that way for a guy. Somehow, it made me want to run after him. But what am I supposed to tell him? Foolish idea. I gently opened the door and went inside the house. Feeling it was the end of it, I went to bed thinking of him and his smile, his eyes and his laughter. As I am naturally heading to dreamland, I guess divine destiny was also knitting its creative way for us to meet again.

*****

The weekend ended pretty fast with no major event except for the debut. I was pretty sure it would still be the topic when we get to school. I wasn’t wrong at all. Our Monday started with a chit chat about the events of the party.

My friends picked me up and we all headed to school with no quiet moment. Every second was filled with their own story. However, I was shut mute when Jessa started talking about Markus. She started talking about how Markus was making her feel excited. She obviously liked him. By the way she was talking about him, it seemed like the feeling was mutual. For some reason, it actually made me sad.

"So what did he tell you when he walked you home?" Marian inquired.

Marian's question made me look at Jessa. I was also curious as to what will be her answer. Jessa smiled at us and chuckled. Okay, I guess that says it all. Maybe they were getting along so well and might end up lovers soon. My little happy emotion was dead.

"Nothing. He just said goodnight and sweet dreams. Then he rushed off to join you guys." Jessa answered.

Nothing really special with her answer. It was the same message he gave me before he rushed home. I guess that's just how he was. Sweet to everybody. I should have known he said all those to all of my friends. I didn't know why I felt special when he said those to me. Silly me.

Despite feeling sad, I still did my best to join the conversation even if at times I was actually lost. Just when I thought my day would begin with a hateful feeling, I saw my ultimate crush walking towards us. Damn, he was such a good-looking man, and I don’t really know what attracted me the most. I felt Marian tagged me on my elbow.

“Jann, your crush is here.” she said and giggled hysterically.

“I know.” I said and smiled at him.

He walked cautiously past me. I think he undoubtedly saw me smile. Did he smile gently? Yes, he did. My heart was going crazy. I even looked back just to see him, but he never looked back at me. It was okay. I didn’t expect him to look at me anyway. I just admired him from a distance.

“So Jann, do you know his name now?” asked Jessa.

“No.” I answered and they laughed.

“Stupid. How could you have a big crush on someone and yet never had the guts to ask even his name?” Marian exclaimed fiercely.

“I don’t know. Maybe because I know that he is married and didn’t want any trouble.” I adequately answered which naturally made them laugh more.

Yes, I don’t know the name of my big crush. Yes, he is wed. So what? Nobody said it was bad to have a crush on a married man. I admired him the first time I saw him walking along the road. He was tall and was looking so sleek and clean with his polo shirt and pants. He traditionally wears this black hat all the time. At first, I found it weird, but it actually looked great on him. It adds more to his charisma. Sometimes, I see him wear shades and sometimes no. I wanted so much to know his name, so I tried to stay by the waiting shed during Tuesdays and Thursdays. Those were the days that I usually see him because he goes to church on those days. Whenever I asked Marian to join me in the waiting shed, she already knew why and would always tease me about it.

“Come on, Jann. You can not forever live in the shadow just admiring someone from a distance.” Marian interrupted me that afternoon while we were waiting for him to pass by.

“I don’t want any trouble, girl. I know that he is married. I am okay from a distance.” I would always reason to her.

“Sometimes, you are really so weird. Why don’t you just fall in love with someone who can reciprocate your feelings?” Marian added with a smirk.

“Silly. You don’t force love. You feel it when time comes. Oh well, how would I know?” I answered and we laughed.

Then one lovely day, I finally had the courage and unanimously decided to properly introduce myself to him. I asked Marian to accompany me again in the waiting shed to wait for him to pass by. I was so ready when Marian told me he was approaching. When he was finally at my sight, I instantly froze. He was with a woman, and she was very pretty. He was holding her gently like a devoted couple would do. The very sight of them made my heart crushed as if I have the reason to feel that way.

“Oh wow. A direct hit in the heart.” it was all that Marian could say.

“It’s fine. I always knew it was a bad idea.” I said and just walked away sad.

I tried ignoring him after that incident but I still couldn’t get myself to stop looking at him whenever he passes by our place. Then a source told me that he was actually married, and the woman that he was that day was actually his wife. Lucky girl. Despite that, he was still my biggest crush whom I never got to know his name.

We arrived peacefully at school, despite all the stories of Jessa about Markus. Just like what I did earlier, I disregarded everything that she mentioned. While inside the classroom, I regretted not listening. If only I listened carefully, maybe I would have known more about Markus. Silly me. Always regret at the end. I guess I will never know him.

At break time, our conversation was still filled with what happened during Nia’s party. We laughed so much with all the foolishness that we did, especially the icing part. Oh damn, that part again. I wish I could skip the conversation and move on to the next topic. Before I could even divert the conversation, Ruby pulled me away from the group.

“Hey, I want to tell you something.” she said as we were walking a bit away from the group.

“What is it? Why do we need to go away from them?” I asked puzzled.

“I got a message for you and not for everyone to hear.” she said and giggled hysterically.

“Silly. You can never keep a secret in our group.” I reminded her.

“I know. But this one is for you alone.” she answered.

“Okay. What is it?” I was still confused on what was going on.

“It’s from Markus. He asks me to tell you hello and to always take care.” she said and giggled again.

I wasn’t sure how I would react with what she said. I remained half smiling at her, still digesting her news. She was beaming with the news, and I was pretty sure she was expecting me to give a very good response. I still didn’t know how to react. Maybe Ruby delivered the message to the wrong person.

“Are you sure the message is for me?” I asked.

“Stupid. How many Jann do we have in our group? It’s only you. And Markus made me promise to tell it to you today. So what should I tell him later?” she asked.

“Hello and take care too?” I answered unsure but made Ruby beamed more.

Good thing the bell rang before Ruby could ask me for more messages. I went to my class with a smile on my face. To be honest with myself, I actually liked the message. It made me feel lighter and my heart faltered. I felt so happy, and my smile was glued on my face. My grumpiness was gone, and all I could feel was bliss. Little did I know my own fairy tale was actually starting.