7 Years Later

Part 5 - High School

The whole weekend I wondered if I should text Matteo.

I don't want to bother him.

Why did I even have him put his number in my phone if I wasn't ballsy enough to use it?

Why am I overthinking this so much?

I hung out with Ashley, Erin, and Danisha on Friday night, and the whole time I was at Ashley's house with them- I considered texting Matteo, to act like I was working on the paper.

But I chickened out.

On Saturday, I had an appointment to get my hair highlighted, brightening up my blonde hair.

I wanted to text him.

It wasn't until Saturday night that I decided, as I sat in my bedroom, that I was going to text him.

I didn't even know he existed a week ago. And now I'm losing my mind over texting him.

I had my laptop open in front of me, to edit my paper.

After much mental debate, I texted him.

I said: Hey! It's Cassidy. I'm about to touch up the rough draft of my paper. Wish me luck.

I stared at it for at least a minute before I finally sent it.

I then put my phone face down on my bed.

I heard it vibrate about 5 minutes later. When I saw the name "Matteo" in my messages, with a new message next to it- my heart started to pound.

The next said: You don't need luck. You're a talented writer. I look forward to reading your paper.

I typed back: Thanks Matteo :)

And I didn't hear anything.

Did the smiley face freak him out?

All day on Sunday, I felt like a fool.

Why did I even bother texting him?

He probably thinks I am annoying.

I'm never texting him again.

On Monday, a day that I did not have creative writing, I found myself looking for him in the halls. I wished I had creative writing that day. I wished I had it every day, because it was the only subject I liked- however I didn't think I would also want it every day because of Matteo.

On Tuesday, I was nervous as hell to see Matteo in class.

Is he going to give me the cold shoulder?

I also hated that on purpose, I dressed cute on Tuesday. I wore a sweater that was tighter on my body, and a pair of jeans. I made sure my blonde hair was down and straight.

"You look cute, Cass." my mom said to me as I was walking out the door, "Trying to impress someone?"

"What? No." I said, knowing that was a lie.

I had my typed up paper in my hand, and I was just waiting for the moment that Matteo would move up next to me.

I looked at him as he walked over. He had on a hoodie and jeans. He was carrying over his notebook and I saw him look at me- and then sit down next to me.

"Hey." he said, "Did you finish your paper?"

"I did." I said, "How about you?"

He nodded, "Yep. Want me to read yours, and you read mine?"

I nodded, "That's fine."

However, something else was itching to be said.

And I can never just hold back.

"Did it bother you when I texted you this weekend, Matteo?"

Matteo looked at me, wide eyed behind his glasses, "No. Not at all. I just...didn't want to seem weird over text. I don't like texting, and being on my phone much in general. But no...it didn't bother me one bit when you texted me."

"You didn't really respond." I said.

"I was worried that no matter what the response, I would sound stupid." Matteo said, "I know not many people like to talk on the phone anymore. But I prefer it."

"Oh." I said, "Well...you wouldn't have sounded stupid. I don't think there's really any way you can sound stupid."

Matteo chuckled, "I appreciate the sentiment, however socially I feel like I can't carry a conversation very well. Especially over text."

"Well, in person I think you've got it covered." I said.

I could have been seeing things. But I swore I saw a slight blush creep onto Matteo's cheeks.

"I'm sorry, though- for not responding. I wasn't intending to ignore you." Matteo said.

"It's okay." I said, "You had me worried all day on Sunday that I annoyed you!"

Matteo laughed and said, "I appreciate your honesty. If you text me again, I'll make sure I respond."

"Good." I said, "I'm holding you to that. Now, hand me your paper over so I can read it."

Matteo passed me his notebook, and I handed him my typed up paper.

"The typed paper is in the front when you open it up." Matteo said.

I nodded, and then started reading. I hoped that the paper would not make me cry again in the middle of creative writing- however, it did.

Matteo delved more into the loneliness, anger, and frustration he felt after his dad died. He wrote that he felt completely lost in the world, and that he felt like he took his time with his dad for granted. He said that if he could go back and tell his younger self something, it would be to hug his dad more. To take him up on going on walks outside and going fishing. He wrote about how when he hears the song "Scar Tissue", it brings him back to those happy times with his dad.

I closed my eyes for a moment and tried to hold back the tears that I could just feel were going to come out.

"Cassidy?"

I heard Matteo say my name, and I opened my eyes.

He was holding a small pack of Kleenex.

"Are you about to cry?" he asked me.

"Don't ask me that. Because then I definitely will cry." I said.

"Here. I brought this because the last time you said you were worried about your mascara running down your face. And I figured you might cry." he said, with a chuckle.

"You must really think I am an emotional mess." I said, taking the tissues, "Thanks."

I dabbed at my eyes and Matteo said, "I don't. I actually like how expressive you are. And I cried while writing it. So I get it."

"Usually an 18 year old guy doesn't admit when they cry."

Matteo shrugged, "Eh. They're all lying if they say they don't."

I looked at Matteo for a moment, as he went back to reading my paper.

Why is he unlike anyone I've met before? Especially a boy my age.

I wish I had met him sooner.

I skimmed over Matteo's paper again as he finished mine.

He looked up at me and said, "The edits you made are great, honestly. You're a talented writer."

"You think so?"

"For sure." Matteo nodded, "And hey, I'm sure you'll be someone's 'yellow' one day."

Matteo met my gaze as he said that.

I felt my heart rate pick up.

"Um, if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here. Like about your dad and stuff." I said.

Matteo nodded and said, "Thank you. I appreciate it."

I couldn't help but to hope he would take the bait more.

Am I really developing a crush on him or something?

During lunch that day, I found myself not able to think about anything except Matteo.

Ashley and Erin had gotten up to get drinks, and Danisha looked at me from across the table.

Danisha Mason has been one of my best friends since middle school. Out of all of my friends, I've always connected with her the most on a deeper level. She seems to know what I'm thinking, and know my feelings- even when I don't.

"Are you good?" she asked me, "You've been in a daze all of lunch."

I lowered my voice and said to Danisha, "I think there's something wrong with me. I can't stop thinking about Matteo."

Danisha broke into a smile, "Why would there be something wrong with you? You must like him."

"He's not...usually what I go for?"

"What, because he's not a dickhead jock?" Danisha said, "Cassidy, you always are getting crushes on douchebags. What are you worried because he's not 'popular'?" Danisha said, air quoting "popular".

"Not at all." I said, "And I mean that. We are going to graduate soon, that doesn't matter."

"So what's the problem?" Danisha asked me.

"He may not like me. I'm not nearly as intelligent as him. For all I know he could think I am stupid and just tolerate me."

"Oh my god, Cassidy. I doubt that is the case." Danisha said, "And there is no way he doesn't think you're pretty. He'd be blind. Find more excuses to talk to him. Hell, even ask him to hangout."

"What? Like just ask him to hang out outside of school?"

"Yes. Come on, girl. It's 2015. Nothing wrong with a girl asking a guy to hangout." Danisha said.

"I've literally never done that before." I said, "Alright. Maybe I'll ask him if he wants to like...get coffee or something?"

"You do that." Danisha said, "I would be hella shocked if he said no."

I was tempted to text Matteo and ask him to hangout with me.

Who knows. He might not respond.

I decided to in class on Thursday.

Once again, I wished I could've saw him Wednesday.

We handed in our papers first thing in class, and Matteo gave me a smile when we both walked up to the front of the class to hand them in.

"You're going to get an A." he said to me.

We then had to pair off for our second assignment to be introduced.

"Happiness." Mrs. Delvecchia said, "Can be fleeting. So we have to hold on to those things that make us the happiest. I simply want you to write about those things. Tell me why they make you so happy. It can be even the smallest things."

"Interesting." Matteo mumbled.

"Start writing down your ideas. Bounce them off your partners." Mrs. Delvecchia said.

Matteo looked at me, "I think I like the other assignment more."

"Hey, this one could be fun." I said, "You get to think about happy things."

"Fair enough." Matteo said, "It is positive."

I then took out my pen and was about to write "Going out for iced coffee on a Saturday morning".

Instead, I looked at Matteo, who was writing.

"Matteo?" I asked him.

He looked up at me, "Yeah?"

"Do you want to hangout sometime?"

I asked the question, and then immediately started working myself up.

"I don't know. We could talk about writing more. Maybe get coffee. Or go for a walk. Well, it's a little cold to walk outside, but-"

"Sure." Matteo said, as I rambled, "I'd like that."

"You would?"

"Definitely." he said.