7 Years Later

Part 2 - Present Day

On my drive home from the grocery store, I was in a complete daze.

I haven't seen Matteo in years. Even when I tried to find him on social media, I was unsuccessful.

And there he was tonight, across the aisle from me.

With a woman.

He looked the same and different since I last saw him when I was 20.

His golden brown hair was more grown out than I had remembered. He wasn't wearing glasses. He had on a green t-shirt, that I was sure brought out his green eyes-

Stop. Stop it now, Cassidy.

You may never see him again, and you cannot go down this road that you have prevented yourself from going down so many times.

I felt shaky as I pulled up to my apartment.

I live with my cousin, Kylie, who is 2 years older than me. She is a Physician's Assistant, and isn't at the apartment a lot. We aren't particularly close, we just found it convenient to live together, as we both didn't want to live with our parents.

Mindlessly, when I walked into the kitchen of my apartment, I put the wine and ice cream on the kitchen counter.

Kylie was working overnight. It was just going to be me, alone.

With my mind running wild.

I hadn't tried to find Matteo on f*******: or i********: in quite a while. But I found myself typing in, "Matteo Edmonds".

Nothing.

I then typed in, "Matteo Oliver".

Nothing.

If only I knew the name of the girl he was with.

I sat on the couch, driving myself nuts trying to find him.

At the same time, I felt really bad for doing so. The brunette woman was obviously his girlfriend. Or even more.

I had to tell someone about this. I needed to talk it out.

I called Danisha.

I knew she would be home from work. Danisha is a nurse, studying to get her Nurse Practitioner degree. She works at an OBGYN office, and I knew on Thursday's she got out at 7 PM.

It was 8:30.

She picked up on the second ring.

"Hey, Cass. Everything okay?" she asked me.

"Ugh, not really. Are you busy?" I asked her.

"Not at all. I just showered and ate dinner. I'm all yours." Danisha said, "What's going on?"

"I saw Matteo today." I said, leaning against the pillows on the couch.

"Wait. What?" Danisha said, "You're f*****g with me. Where?"

"At the grocery store. A sweet girl who looked our age suggested a type of wine to me in the aisle. She then walked away, and when I saw it was Matteo she was walking toward, I just about dropped the f*****g bottle." I said.

"Oh my god. Are you okay?" Danisha asked me, "Did you make eye contact with him?"

"Yes." I said, "I did. And I have no idea if I am okay, D. Seeing him made me feel...so many things at once. I'm just beyond overwhelmed."

"That's to be expected." Danisha said, "You and him have quite the history. And I know he's always been there in the back of your mind."

"I feel like an i***t for being upset that he was with a woman. I haven't seen him in years. Why wouldn't he have a girlfriend? Or wife, even?"

Even saying those words hurt.

"It's only natural, Cassidy. Don't beat yourself up. For all you know, you may never see him again."

"Why does the thought of that make me feel even worse?"

"I don't think I should say it out loud." Danisha said, "You know."

I sighed, "Nothing could have prepared me for this. I had a stressful day at work, and all I wanted to do was stop and get some ice cream and wine. And my f*****g ice cream is probably melted by now, I didn't even put it away. Now my mind is clouded with...Matteo."

"You need to sleep on this." Danisha said, "Have a glass of wine first. Put on some TV. Just try to relax. There's nothing you can do about this right now."

"You're right." I said, "I know you're right. I'm just shaken up, that's all."

"Cassidy- like I always say- what's meant to be, will be." Danisha said.

"Thank you." I said to Danisha, "For helping me calm down."

I spoke to Danisha on the phone for a little while longer, and we both ranted about our work days. Like Danisha, I work in the medical field. My job, however, is a little less prestigious. I work as a medical receptionist at a Dermatologist's office.

I'm still figuring things out.

After I hung up with Danisha, I went into my bedroom. I was still in my scrubs, and it was close to 10 PM. I changed out of them and into shorts and a t-shirt.

I sat down on my bed, and turned on the TV in my bedroom. I put Spotify on, I needed to just listen to some music and relax.

I turned my playlist on shuffle, and the first song came on.

"Yellow" by Coldplay.

"You've got to be f*****g kidding me." I said- and changed the song.

I had gotten much better about listening to that song. However, tonight, I was brought back to the same place I had been in for so long.

Unable to listen to even the first line.

I had taken 10 steps forward. And now it was like I had taken 11 steps back.