Forgiving Love

Just a Dream

    My eyes snap open and all I can hear is my own erratic breathing as the moon shines through my window illuminates my room. A modest space but enough for me and my small collection of possessions. I sit up and realize my pajamas are clinging to my sweat covered body and my hair is a tangled mess.

    'It was just that dream again.' I think to myself as I swing my legs over my bed and stand on my now shaky legs. Even if I have had this dream too many times to count it still wreaks havoc on me both mentally and physically just from the memories alone. Almost every night when I close my eyes I relive that horrible day. I wish I could just move forward but at the same time I don't because I get to see Trevor and feel my pup kick me.

    That day our pack changed forever. We were attacked by an organized pack of rogue wolves. They came while the guards were changing shifts and used magic potions given to them by some witches to hide their scents. Unfortunately they managed to permanently wound our Alpha and kill quite a few of our pack members before they were subdued and retreated. The Alpha handed down his position to his first born son after that and our pack worked to rebuild.

    As far as my own tragedy from that day goes, I lost Trevor and our unborn child. When Trevor learned of the attack he came looking for me. He managed to get to me just in time but apparently not in time for our child. I awoke several days later in the infirmary to learn of the attack. Even worse I awoke to find out I was no longer pregnant and our pup had not survived. It took me months to put myself back together enough to get back to a semi normal existence. Even  now, several years later, I am not back to normal. 

    I head towards my attached bathroom and flick the light on, blinking a few times as my eyes adjust to the quick change. Leaning against the sink I reach for the cold water and twist it on, sticking my hands under the cold running water and splash it all over my face. The cold water waking me and pulling me further into reality.

    Looking into the mirror I examine the large dark circles under my eyes and the nest my hair is currently in. I never understand why anyone would think I am pretty. Especially not when I see myself like this. I look too broken with my pale skin and missing smile. I used to be so pretty before life hit me so hard and I am only 21!

    Walking back into my room I glance at the clock, 6:45 and I groan inwardly knowing I won't be getting anymore sleep. My precious bed is right there and it is definitely calling out to me. I turn and head for my dresser to grab some clothes. It's time for me to start getting ready for work and wash this stink off my body. Grabbing a fresh set of clothes, my usual jean shorts and t-shirt, from my dresser I go back to my bathroom to shower and get ready for the day.

    Turning the nobs on the shower and making the water as hot as I can I go and brush my hair and teeth, letting it warm up some. This is a big pack house, water takes a second most mornings. Discarding my sweat soaked pajamas into the wash bin I stick my hand into the steamy water and sigh with relief, just what I need, stepping into the shower.

    "I am way too tired for this today." I think out loud to myself as I stand under the water, letting it run over my body for a bit.

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    I arrive to the kitchens earlier than normal after my shower so I don't see Ariel around. Ariel is my best friend, oh who am I kidding she is like my only friend and I love her for putting up with me. She works in the kitchens as it is one of the few places that you can't fully tell how scattered she is and she loves to cook for people. I always say hello to her in the morning while I grab a quick bite before I head out to the gardens for my work. 

    Sighing inwardly to myself because I know I will be paying for it later if I don't see her this morning. But I know there isn't much I can do especially knowing her, since she is probably running late for some reason this morning. I know this because I might be running early but she is normally here by now. The kitchen staff start earlier than everyone. So I wave hello to Jasmine, another kitchen worker who is friends with Alice and point that I am heading out. This way she will tell Alice I didn't skip seeing her this morning because I just know that girl will get it in her head. 

    "Hey Lia, good to see you! There is fresh buns cooling over there, help yourself." Jasmine shouts cheerfully at me from where she is kneading more dough. Shouting a thank you back at her I grab a bun and an apple before quickly plopping a strip of bacon in my mouth and head out the back door of the kitchen towards the garden sheds. I walk slowly as I eat, admiring the quiet morning and smells of the flowers mixing with dew. Swinging the door of the shed open I toss my scrapes in the compost before grabbing my gloves and toolbelt. Heading out to the section of the gardens I am in charge of  I start to hum to myself.

    'Off to my happy place' I think to myself as I pop in my headphones and a smile spreads onto my face as the music starts to play.

     When I reach the area I am assigned to take care of today I sigh, 'Of course the wolf who was in the area before didn't do a proper job.' It isn't a huge deal though because it just means I get to make it look better. 

    After a few hours of pulling weeds and pruning flowers I hear a loud squeal running towards me. I roll my eyes as I know this can only be one thing, Ariel. Did I not say it would come back to haunt me if I didn't see her this morning? This girl is so predictable, but it is one of the things I love about her. 

    "LIA!!! Oh my gosh, LIIIAAAA!" That is the sound of my impending doom approaching. Shaking my head wryly I place my tools back in my toolbelt and a smile spreads across my face. I stand and turn around just in time to be plowed down by a 5'6" skinny red headed ball of joy who immediately upon hitting the ground places me in a bear hug. One which I happily return. 

    We lay there laughing for a bit as she squeezes me, "You know Alice there are less, rough, ways to get my attention." I say with a hint of a smile in my voice, giving her a playful side eye.

    "Oh but I have to keep you on your feet Lia!" Alice mocks hurt as she places her hand over her heart. "Besides, how else would I get you out of work mode? You're always so focused." Alice smiles back at me as she stands up, offering me a hand as she stands over me. Clapping my hand into hers I stand as well and once we make eye contact the laughter starts again. 

    "Thanks Alice, I had another bad dream last night so I needed this right now." I have absolutely no idea what I would do without this girl, she basically saved my life with her magical ability to somehow always make me smile. 

    "Oh Lia, I wish I could help you with those stupid dreams," Alice pouts and crosses her arms, "but you know I am always here for you the best way I can be. No thanks are necessary! However..." Alice trails off at the end with a look on her face that can only mean one thing.

    "Alice..." She is a huge gossip and honestly I don't mind listening to her because it makes her happy but it is such a bad habit to have. Secretly, to myself, I know I love to hear the gossip but I will never let on about it.

    "Oh come on, it isn't even gossip this time. The Alpha sent out a message to all the department heads who told everyone else and I figured, since you're always so lost in your work, that you hadn't heard." I give Alice a side eye while she is talking which she pointedly returns to me with a knowing smirk. We poke at each other constantly but it is all playful. "Alright. Honestly I was just using it as an excuse to come see you and talk." Alice gives me a guilty smile.

    "Alight, well spill it then."

    "Okay so, there is a visiting alpha coming! But that isn't the best part, guess what pack!" she all but squealed out with this giant grin being hidden behind her clasped hands.

    Knowing the fact that this little lady has had this huge thing for the Silver Moon pack since she found her love of big strong muscular warriors it is a petty easy guess. Alice is just a huge nerd for warriors and I am sure if she could she would talk the Alpha of Silver Moon's ear off about how he trains them just so she could have some big muscular guys around this pack. "Let me guess it is Alpha Silver Moon himself. The Alpha of the strongest warrior force this side of the country." I coo at her with big doe eyes. Earning me a light slap on the arm.

    Looking at me with an angry face now as I giggle to myself, "Oh my gosh shut up Lia, you know I idolize him for his uncanny ability to turn guys into huge hunks! It is purely me wanting to get a look at those training plans so I can make good use of them." I swear I can see her starting to drool! 

    Alice suddenly smiles, "Alpha Weston is super hot though and I mean that in a purely non-academic way." I can tell she is all but undressing him her head as she bites her lip. "Maybe I will try my luck with him while he is here, since he doesn't have a mate yet."

    "Of course you would be thinking about that! You loose your senses over any guy with big muscles." I all but bust out laughing at her sudden dreamy expression.

    "I can't help how hot those big muscles are okay!" Alice squeals out and blushes bright red at my teasing.

    Smiling at her in reassurance, I grab her hand and hold it. "Girl there is nothing wrong with you going out and working it. Just let me know what you're up to so I know where to find you or how to help you in your mission." A giant smile spreads across her face and we walk over to a bench sitting down, facing each other.

    "Well apparently Alpha Jace managed to swing an alliance with Silver Moon for military training in exchange for a discount on food imports to them. So fairly normal deal, you know, using our farmland for gain with other packs." Alice tosses her hands out and c***s her head to the side as she starts her explanation of the obvious deal going down.

    She has a point though, we are one of the largest farming packs in our realm so we provide food to other packs in the region in exchange for money, goods or other services. It honestly is a smart move but it leaves us lacking on defenses since a lot of our people work in the fields. 

    "Well that makes sense, we need the training to prevent an event like..." I trail off in my sentence and she gives me a knowing look.

    "I know sweetie, I know. This will be really good for the pack." She pats my shoulder and smiles. "But in addition himself and his beta he is bringing a bunch of warriors to lend us for training the pack which means you know there will be parties and big hunky guys! Maybe I will find my mate!"

    "Oh Alice that would be amazing! We have to plan!" I hug her and squeal excitedly with her. 

    After we calm down from our mini celebration for Alice the realization hits me, "Let me guess though, Silver Moon coming also means more work because the pack needs to be in tip top shape. How long before the Alpha gets here?" 

    "Oh of course, you know Alpha Jace, but you know it won't be a problem for you since your area is always like that. Myself on the other hand, I have two days to get myself in order but I am just so excited! So I better get working so I can get it all done." Chuckling at Alice's words we stand up and start heading back to our work. 

    "I will come by your room later Alice and help you alright! Love you girl!" I shout back over my shoulder at her and she waves me a thank you.

    Heading back into the garden sheds to put some stuff away I start to think and shake my head to myself. These next couple days are going to be so hectic with everyone scrambling to get the place ready. Hopefully things go well for Alice too, she deserves it. That girl is so scatter brain I have my work cut out for me keeping her on track these next couple days.

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    That night after spending some time with Alice and going over all that she needed to do. Along with a lot of her day dreams for what may happen and her obsessive idolization of Alpha Weston's warriors. I headed back to my room in a much better mood than I left it that morning. As much as I dislike the thought of parties, that I know I will be dragged to, I always welcome distractions from the thoughts in my head of the past. Besides who knows maybe I will have fun. 

    After a nice warm shower and clean pajamas I crawl into bed, hoping for a good nights sleep finally. However, I just can't seem to shake this feeling in my gut that something is coming and I drift off to sleep with a million thoughts swirling in my head.