Can I Really Trust You?

Nine

“Rizpah! Why was the duke in your room with you?!” Ingela half yelled and whispered as she dragged me inside. 

“First of all I didn’t know he was a duke and secondly, it was his fault that I had sprained my ankle in the first place!” I explained as I recalled the events of what happened during the day. I finally managed to push them aside as I ran down the stairs chasing after him. 

I find it strange how I never really wanted to be around his company but now I seek it. As if something was pulling me towards him like fate. I shook my head and stopped at the door, thinking how silly it was of me to chase a man I hardly knew. 

“Care to explain?” Ingela said as she and Kai went down the stairs. 

“No", I crossed my arms and held my head high. I slowly turned to glare at both of them. "What brings the two of you to my house? At night, at that". Ingela sighed and walked towards the sitting room with Kai and I following closely behind her. 

“Well me and Kai were talking… And we wanted to check to see how you were doing. But seeing how you were getting all chummy with the Duke, I say you’re just fine!” She crossed her arms and plopped down onto the seat.

“Check on me?” I raised a brow in confusion. 

“Because he knew”, Ingela said as her eyes darted towards Kai. 

“He knew?” I said clueless. 

“I knew”, Kai stated. I looked over at Kai and then back at Ingela and back at Kai again. 

“He knew?” I sat there puzzled before everything hit me like a train. I stood and looked at Ingela, bewildered at the fact that Kai knew I liked him. “He knew!?” This time I am more sure of myself. She nodded at me and I began to pace around the room, biting onto the nail of my thumb. “You knew?” I asked Kai and he nodded. I groaned and hid my face in my hands, still pacing. 

“Rizpah”, Kai’s voice smooth like honey. “I’ve known since we were a kid. It was hard not to notice with the way you look at me”, he chuckled. 

“Oh Tasnia! I’m embarrassed”, I mumbled into my hands. “Is that why you distance yourself from me? Because I was just a nuisance with feelings for you?” I felt a pang in my chest as I asked the question. 

“No! That's not why. It was because… Well…", he trailed, as he scratched the back of his head, eyes looking everywhere but me. 

"Because?" I asked, tilting my head to look him in the eye. 

"Because I had feelings for you and I didn't know how to act!" He confessed and plopped himself onto the couch, heavily sighing. 

"I told you that he would feel the same way! Now I just feel like I'm coming in between something I shouldn't have", Ingela said in a low whisper. 

"No, Ingela, you didn't. Besides, the marriage between the two of you has been sealed since birth. My father wouldn't give me away to anyone and you know that", I comforted her. 

"But… I don't want to marry Kai!" She cried and I pulled her into me, hugging her. 

"He's not that bad", I chuckled as I looked at Kai through my lashes. His head was hung low and his hands were clenched into fists. 

"This is ridiculous, why are marriages still being arranged? Why can't we marry the ones we love?" Kai seethed. He stood and immediately went straight for the door. 

"Kai!" I called out but the only reply I received was the door being slammed. 

"He's right. I don't want to marry Kai because we don't love one another that way", she sniffed. 

"But you do. I know you do. Don't think I'd miss the way you look at him sometimes. He loves you too but he just… doesn't know it yet", I told her as I looked out the window. The rain poured as the thunder clapped with the tears that had fallen down our cheeks tonight. There were so many emotions going on for the day that even the skies couldn't handle it. 

The next morning I woke to a snoring Ingela sleeping next to me. I figured it would be best that she slept over after what happened last night. I laid on my back, sighing as I played with the frills on the sleeves of my nightgown. 

The ceiling was tall and white with little specks of dust that the maids had missed while cleaning. My heart ached for Ingela and I wished there was something I could do about it. I never wanted to admit before that she had feelings for Kai but after seeing her face drop during Kai's confession, I immediately knew. 

Kai too, he's been in love with Ingela since we were little but has been blinded to even notice it. He may have told me he likes me but deep down, I feel that it may have just been infatuation. It was nothing more than a crush. Just like how my feelings for him will never go over that. 

The maids came in and I placed a finger on my lips, pointing my head towards Ingela. They all nodded and Emily walked over next to me to hold out a robe. I carefully got out of bed and slipped into it. Then I quietly made my way out of my room with the maids following behind me. 

"I shall take my bath in a different room today", I told them and they all nodded. I followed them down to the next room over when my father walked out of his room, adjusting his tie. 

"Father, you're back!" I greeted and his head perked up. 

"Oh Rizzie!" He smiled and stretched his arms out, inviting me to hug him. I walked over towards him as I'm a little too old to jump into daddy's arms now. 

"How was your trip?" I asked him as he squeezed the life out of me. 

"It went well sweetheart. I thought you were going to live in Rasput? Did you change your mind about school altogether?" He finally lets go of me, asking me these questions with such a firm tone. 

"I haven't given up on school, I just decided that I would rather commute to my classes from home than live there. I'm sorry, father… I just wasn’t ready to leave home", I chuckled nervously. Would this be the time my father would snap at me? His brows furrowed as if mad but then he broke out into laughter. 

I should’ve known, father has never been one to punish me or scold me, that was mother. I was his little angel, and nothing I ever did was ever wrong in his eyes. 

Once, I broke his favorite vase by accident and he went on a rampage saying it was a family heirloom from when the Gods still roamed the Earth but when he found out I did it, it was like the vase never broke. He had immediately forgotten about the broken vase as if it hadn't been in our family for generations. My brother had gotten so angry at me for not getting in trouble that he wouldn't talk to me for a whole month because he had previously gotten scolded for eating our father's favorite cookies. But he's come to accept that father will never change and it was just something he had to live with. At least I didn't end up like a spoiled brat or anything of that sort. 

"Good! Good! I wasn't ready to let you leave the house anyway!" He laughed joyfully as he hugged me once more. "Let's grab breakfast shall we?" We walked down the hall to the dining room together and my mom gasped in horror as she saw me in my nightgown. I couldn't help but roll my eyes which didn't go unnoticed by my father who ended up snickering. 

"Rizpah! Goddess Tasnia, you're going to send me to an early grave!" My mother yelled. My father took a step down so that he could place a comforting hand on her shoulder. "Why are you walking around in your sleepwear?!" She whispered angrily at me. 

I looked down, forgetting that I was on my way to get ready. "I'm sorry mother, I hadn't realized". 

She turned to look at father dramatically and massaged her temple with two fingers. "She's never going to be ready for marriage if she’s always causing trouble, Steffan. No one will want to marry a disobedient unmannered girl! The only thing she has going for her are her looks", she huffed out angrily. 

“Magda!” My father yelled at her, knowing that her words had hurt me. 

I’ve heard this speech a million times before and I know that her nagging is going to get worse. Especially knowing now that Ingela is going to be married before me. To make matters worse, I’m nearly close to the age where they would start considering me as an old maid. 

"I'm sorry mother, I'll do better. If you'll excuse me, I have to get ready". I walked back down towards my room. 

I could hear my father trying to defend me but my mother wasn’t having it. I don’t think my mother realizes how painful her words could be sometimes, they cut through me like a hot sharp knife. 

"I heard the commotion”, Ingela whispered as she peeked her head out of my bedroom door. “Are you alright?” Worry was written all over her face. I placed my hand against her cheek and smiled.

"Honestly, I'm fine. Being married or not – it doesn't bother me. I’m happy being unmarried and just living my life the way I want to", I genuinely smile at her. 

“But wouldn’t you be lonely?” 

I took a deep breath in and thought about her question. “Hmm, will I be lonely? No, because I have you and Kai and your little red haired babies running around. I also have my brother and his future wife and family. I’ll be that amazing aunt that would spoil your kids so that they would end up begging to live with me and my 10 story palace!” I teased her. Her face went red and she slammed the door in my face. 

“That’s not funny, Rizpah! Kai and I won’t have kids”. 

My laugh echoed through the hall as I imagined Ingela being embarrassed and cursing at me. “Oh yes you will! Lots and lots of them!” If my life as Rika had taught me anything it was that I don't need a man to be happy. I just needed to be around the right people that I can call family. 

“Rizpah!” Ingela whined from behind the door. I laughed and walked into the room next door where Emily was waiting for me. 

“Emily!” I waved as I walked over towards her. “Do you think you could teach me magic?” I whispered quietly enough only for her to hear. 

“That depends”, she whispered back. “Have you checked yourself to see if you could wield it?” 

“No, is there such a test?” 

“Yes, we can do it now or after your bath if you’d like”. 

“Now!” I excitedly answered her. “Now, would be great”, I told her in a calm manner. If I could use magic to defend myself against my murderer, that would be a plus.