A Second Chance with You

Chapter 7

Monday. How can it be Monday? I don’t want to go to school. She whimpered and put her forehead against the table. Her weekend was consumed by dread and anxiety, yet some part of her was screaming in excitement. She even canceled her plans with Marian who is not very happy with her at the moment. She hasn’t called or reached out since KC told her she couldn’t make it, cutting her off in the middle of her apologies and promises that she would make it up. The idea of being around anyone else is unthinkable. Knowing her friend, she would notice right away that something has happened. Marian would forgive her but at the moment, there is just no space in her head. It’s been occupied all weekend by one person.

Is he going to be there? Can I face him? I already decided I can’t afford to quit this semester. I just need to suck it up and finish this semester and then I can transfer to another university, that’s all. It’s just one subject.

Or I can just drop this subject and take it next semester once I transferred? No, I can’t do that, it’s a waste of money. What about all the overtime hours I had to render just to save enough for this?!

That’s just money, you still have your online jobs, you could get the funds back.

But what if I transferred university and get declined because I dropped a subject, a major subject? Oh no. What do I do? What do I do!

Would he care that I am there? Would he even acknowledge me or would he ignore me?

On and on her thoughts swirled. She paced her apartment in a daze, alternating between voicing her frustrations aloud like a lunatic and mulling things over in her head. She’d stare at the ceiling for an hour only to get up and start pacing again. Or she’d stop pacing, stand perfectly still whichever part of the apartment it may be when it struck, and stare fixedly at nothing. She must have looked deranged. By Sunday evening, her eyes were circled due to a lack of sleep. She hardly remembers what she ate since Friday. Exhausted, she collapsed in bed and stared up blankly at the ceiling once again.

“And it’s just the start of the semester, can I stand several months of this?” She covered her face with a pillow and fell into a fitful sleep, dreading the next day.

With barely a minute before the start of the class, she stood in front of her Introduction to Psychology room, filled with dread. She took a deep breath, grasped the handle, and entered. Her eyes were automatically drawn to the professor’s desk. Sighing in relief that it’s still empty. Heading to her seat, she seriously regretted choosing the one in front.

Maybe I can move to one in the back row.

This idea was dashed right away though. Jo was already seated at the seat next to hers.

Damn! She cursed inwardly in annoyance.

She glanced around the classroom and noticed a change in the seating arrangements. Aside from Jo, half of her classmates decided to move seats too. There were three other female students seated in their row now, all of them busy staring at themselves in a handheld mirror.

Odd, she thought.

Another look made her realize that the first three rows are now occupied by the female and gay students in the class. The boys remained in the middle and back rows. She had a nasty suspicion and had to internally kick herself for the annoyance that she felt. She had no business getting irritated with her classmates, Steven is no longer her boyfriend. The thought exacerbated her mood.

Jo was scrolling away on her phone and ignoring their seatmates.

At least she’s not wearing heavy makeup, she thought wryly.

“Hello, Ate KC. I thought I’ll just sit next to you.” Her friend told her unnecessarily as she approached.

 “Hi. Yeah, that’s great.” KC replied in a small voice.

Jo looked at her closely and said, “You look awful. Are you okay?”

Oh s**t. Do I look like an escaped mental patient? She cleared her throat before responding, “Yeah. I just had to finish some work over the weekend so I didn’t get to sleep much.” She lied.

“Oh. That’s too bad. Hope you get some tonight, the week is just starting.” Jo patted her hand in concern. “Was that why you didn’t reply to my messages over the weekend?”

“Yeah.” She agreed without actually knowing what was asked, her eyes trained on the door. Her heart would skip every time it opens only to slump slightly in her seat once she realizes it’s just another student.

I’d probably have a heart attack before the semester’s over, then I wouldn’t have to finish it. She shook her head lightly at how morbid her thoughts became.

“Our professor is late again,” Jo commented, following her gaze.

KC felt her cheeks grew hot and forced herself to focus on Jo instead. “Yeah. Did you have a good weekend?”

“Hell, yeah!” She replied, her eyes lighting up in enthusiasm. “My friend Sam had a party at her place on Saturday night and she introduced me to this guy. Oh, you wouldn’t believe it! He was so hot! He’s tall, he plays basketball. We followed each other right away on Instagram.” She giggled, cheeks bright in excitement. "He also plays the guitar, I saw some videos he posted. Really, really good! And then he's..."

Whatever characteristics the guy Jo met have, was drowned as soon as the door opened again. KC automatically looked.

He’s here, she thought smothering the pang of happiness she felt at the sight of him. It’s as if time itself stopped and it’s just him. His eyes locked with hers as he made his way to his desk. It felt an eternity, but it couldn’t have been more than 5 seconds. He placed his bag on top of the table, gave the whole class a once over, and smiled. “Good morning, class.”

The class returned the greeting, some a little more enthusiastically. Their professor is quite handsome. He’s wearing a light blue polo shirt today matched with black slacks and leather shoes. KC felt a swift stab of annoyance as she listened to the giggles from some of her female classmates. Steven, on the other hand, was busy setting up his laptop. As he waited for his laptop to connect to the projector, he took out the class register and began checking the attendance. When he reached her name, he did not indicate that he recognized her, and called her like he did the rest. “Valderama, Kristine Casandra?”

Palms sweating, she replied without looking at him.

When he was done, he asked Jo to collect the papers he assigned last Friday. Her friend eagerly got up and started collecting their assignments. She frowned, normally teachers would ask the student sitting nearest to the aisle and professor’s desk. Those seats were occupied by her and the girl who took Jo’s former seat. She cast a surreptitious glance to the person sitting opposite her, she looked disappointed. Her cheeks were red from too much blush on. KC sighed, she never wear that much blush on.

She took the paper from her bag and stared at it guiltily. She had a hard time writing it. The idea that Steven would read it was too much of a distraction to actually focus on what she has to put in it. She could’ve done a better job and hoped it would be enough to merit a pass. With a silent vow to put more effort into her coursework, she handed the paper to Jo.

“Thank you.” He smiled at Jo as she handed him the papers. Jo nodded shyly and returned to her seat, her cheeks slightly pink. KC had a wild urge to smack her in the head.

“Right. Did you get the chance to buy the book that we will be using as a reference for this semester?” There was a faint chorus of “yes, sir.” and “not yet.”

“I see. To those who already bought the assigned book, can you please take it out and go to the first chapter? Please share with those who haven’t bought theirs yet.” The noise began to fill the room as everyone who hasn’t got their copy yet hastened to find a partner to share with. Steven waited for it to die down, resolutely staring at his laptop.

KC opened her book, it was already peppered with little notes, lined sentences, and paragraphs. She had to read the whole chapter three times just to understand what it was about. Jo, who hasn’t bought a copy yet, leaned toward hers.

“You already read the chapter?” She asked in amazement.

“Yeah, wasn’t that our assignment?” KC replied, barely able to contain her sarcasm. Why was she annoyed at Jo? She didn’t do anything wrong.

She couldn’t help glancing at their professor who had his eyes fixed on his laptop. KC wondered if he’s aware that they can see what’s on his screen. It’s on the first slide of a Powerpoint Presentation entitled “The Nature of Psychology”. Having facilitated enough meetings and presentations for years, she noticed that he didn’t seem to freeze the page so he can continue working.

Maybe, a wicked voice teased in her head, he’s as aware of you as you are of him. She stared at him, wishing they were alone. No, this is wrong. You can’t think of him that way. This will make things harder. And you’ll only be seeing him for a few months, right? And it should just be within the boundaries of this school. Only in this classroom. Nothing more. She looked down at her hands, aware that she’s starting to get her hopes up.

“Does everyone have access to a book now?” Steven asked the class, interrupting her musing. The class responded in the affirmative. Steven stood up and sat casually at the edge of the table.

Why does he have to be so damn attractive?

 “Great! Does anyone have any idea what Psychology is?” His gaze swept the classroom, waiting for an answer.

No one raised a hand.

“No? Hm, that’s a bit disappointing. Is anyone here taking up BS Psychology?” He asked.

Shit, KC thought.

“No one? I see. This is a minor subject for you guys then.” He commented, still looking slightly put out.

What will he say if he finds out that she’s majoring in Psychology? Better not risk it. She raised a trembling hand. He froze but recovered quickly. “Yes, Miss uhm, Valderama?”

He has the audacity to pretend he doesn’t remember my name? This man! Is it legal to strangle a professor? No, it isn’t. She took a deep breath, remaining in her seat instead of standing up. He was too near.

“I’m taking up BS Psychology. Based on the book, Psychology is defined as the scientific study of behavior and mental processes.” She finished, staring him in the face with a touch of defiance in her tone.

He blinked, face blank. Huh, I can surprise you too. I deserve to be here, and your presence does not affect me! Gosh, I want to slap him here and now!

“Um, that’s very good, Ms. Valderama. Glad to know someone in my class has this as a major subject.”

She couldn’t help it, she rolled her eyes. Why do I have to be affected by this shallow man?

Steven pretended not to see her reaction. He turned to the whole class and said “Right. So yes, it’s a scientific study of behavior and mental processes. Can you guys tell me what you think when you encounter the word Psychology?”

KC did not participate again for the rest of the period. He’s an engaging teacher, encouraging the class to answer questions. Generous at giving praise to those who give the right response. His sense of humor has not changed one bit and the class warmed up to him in no time. She watched in grudging admiration as she saw everyone in the class join the discussion eagerly. By the end of the discussion, he gave another assignment and was the first to leave the room.

During her break, KC found herself sitting alone on one of the benches outside the CS building. A book was propped open in front of her as she munch on a sandwich she bought from the cafeteria. Her eyes were unfocused. She can’t even remember which book she’s looking at. She sighed, glancing at her food. It would be cheaper to prepare her own moving forward. She’s good at making sandwiches after all. It’s easy to make and bring to picnics.

Picnics, why did she have to think about picnics? Her mind traitorously drifted to a place she tried hard to forget over the years.

“Tuna?” Steven asked as he grabbed a sandwich from the basket she prepared.

It was the middle of April and it was scorching hot but they were sheltered by the surrounding trees. The birds were singing in time to the rush of water. The breeze was swaying the plants and trees as if in a dance. They were sitting on a blanket spread on the grass near the banks of the river. No other place could be so beautiful, they’ve picked the perfect spot. She was glad for the chance to be away from the city noise and be near nature again. She was even happier that she got to spend it with Steven. What better way to spend the weekend?

“Yep! I also got ham and cheese there.” She smiled, knowingly.

“You know me well.” He reached out and pinched her cheek playfully.

“Ouch.” She complained, her voice muffled. She slapped his hand away and said, “you bet your ass, I do.”

“Thanks for bringing me here.” He said after inhaling deeply. “This is the most relaxed I felt in a while.”

“You’re welcome. I’ve always wanted to visit the Biak na Bato National Park, I just never had the chance.” She replied with a wry smile.

He arched an eyebrow in disbelief. “You’re saying it’s your first time here? You live less than an hour from here!”

“I know! I just never got the chance. I’ve visited the other nearby tourist spots though.” She replied defensively. Frowning at the water bottle she’s having difficulties opening. Steven took it wordlessly.

He handed her the bottle back with a mischievous grin on his face. “Well, there’s always a first for everything. Do you think your parents will let us sleep in your room tonight?”

She almost choked on her drink. “No, no, no! Don’t even say anything like that in front of Papa and Mama! They’re extremely old fashioned!” She cried, waving the bottle in agitation. “Papa would chase you with a bolo if he finds out!”

“He will?” He asked, eyes wide.

“Oh, yes.” She replied empathically. “Didn’t you see how he stared at you earlier? You’re the first guy I ever brought home, you know.”

Eric was indeed staring at Steven with narrowed eyes when they arrived. Elena seemed to be reserving her judgment but welcomed them warmly.

“Oh. Well, I did notice he wasn’t too happy earlier.” He admitted. “They don’t approve of pre-marital s*x, huh?”

“You have no idea,” KC told him darkly. “Mama already lectured me about it while you were out with Emman. I thought it would never end.”

“You didn’t tell them?” He asked, suppressing a smile.

“Of course not! I don’t have a death wish!” She exclaimed then noticed his grin and smirked. “Mind you, Mr. Alcantara, keep your hands to yourself while we’re here.”

He scowled at that. “How about here?”

She laughed, leaning to give him a peck on the cheek. “Thanks for agreeing to meet my parents. It means a lot to me.”

He cupped her face with his hands and stared into her eyes, all trace of joking gone.

“I love you, KC.” He said, his face so close to hers. “I’m happy you brought me here to meet your parents and proud that I’m your first... for a lot of things.”

She blushed at that, but couldn’t reply. His mouth was inches from hers, she just closed her eyes in anticipation.

Something wet fell at the back of her hand as it rested on the table. She blinked, the sound of the river and birds vanishing instantly. She’s sitting on a university bench, crying. She quickly wiped the tears away, angry with herself. Why do you have to remember that? It wasn’t real, none of it was. He told you himself, he doesn’t love you! Why do you have to punish yourself this way?

“I’m going crazy.” She muttered aloud, looking down at her sandwich sadly. Resigned, she grabbed her pen and tried to concentrate on the book propped open in front of her. She can’t even get past the first sentence. She closed it with a snap and put it in her bag in annoyance.

I can’t slack off like this, this is expensive! She groaned and happened to look up. She was seated facing the CS building, and there on the third-floor balcony, stood Steven, watching her.

How long has he been standing there? Their eyes met and she was brought back to the times he looked at her like she’s the most beautiful person on earth. She tried and failed to read the expression on his face. Did he see her cry? She quickly tore her gaze away and gathered her things. I can’t sit facing buildings anymore. Maybe I shouldn’t be studying out in the open like this as well, she decided. She got up and rushed towards the cafeteria. The fact that she has to avoid certain places infuriated her. After all, she paid to be here. But she values her sanity too much to risk seeing him more than she had to. As a professor, he’s bound to move around to and from his classes. All she had to do is find secluded places he is less likely to pass by or visit.

She took a seat in the farthest corner of the cafeteria, wishing it’s hidden enough. Her mind betraying her once again and going back to the first man who ever broke her heart. He doesn’t love you, she told herself again. It was all a game. He wanted to see how easy you’d be. Wasn’t that what he said? And you fell hard for it. He’s probably laughing at you right now, seeing how uncomfortable you are around him. How affected you are by his mere presence.

The bell rang, making her jump. She glanced at her watch in disbelief, she should’ve gone straight to her next class instead of the cafeteria. Is this how it’s going to be for the rest of the semester? Is she going to be like a rabbit hiding from a fox all the time?